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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To smoke in my garden?

225 replies

whoopsididit · 02/06/2016 21:30

I smoke, wish I didn't and intending to really try and stop soon. But I smoke.

Moved into a new house two weeks ago.

I smoke in the garden. About 3 or 4 a night.

A few times I've been out there and the Window next door has been abruptly and loudly slammed shut.

They obviously can't stand the smell when I'm smoking, which I suppose is fair enough as it is a disgusting habit.

I feel it really hasn't got us off to a good neighbourly start.

I try and stand well away from their windows but I'm thinking AIBU to smoke outside in my own garden ?

OP posts:
flappingbingowings · 03/06/2016 00:21

So they shut their window? Do they need your permission before they block your stink, is that what you are saying?

DrasticAction · 03/06/2016 00:22

one off parties, vistor staying smoking are very different to the regular several times a night smoking

ShadowsCollideWithKittens · 03/06/2016 00:24

"sure except one person is offending the other by flooding their home with smoke, by the time they shut their window the smell has already gone in,...and affected them, the other is upset by the noise of a window being closed'

That's a bit of a silly mindset though, isn't it? The one being offended is sweltering away instead of just speaking to their neighbours? And 'the smell has already gone in'... Yes, but they could speak to their neighbour and try to prevent it happening again?

BoatyMcBoat · 03/06/2016 00:37

Try vaping. Much better.

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2016 00:39

You know smoking is bad so just bloody quit!

I did it. Anybody can. It just takes determination and the want to stop. For those who will say it's not that easy - yes it is. Just stop. Take it a day at a time. Once you are passed the first three days the chance of you quitting for good rises significantly.

Sorry but I had to laugh at that ^^ Grin

Do you fancy popping over to the weight loss topic and telling everyone to just 'quite eating too much'?

Or perhaps you'd like to enlighten alcohol/drug addicts with the same advice?

Giving up smoking is not that simple. It took me numerous attempts before I finally cracked it years ago.

"Just bloody quit" is a pointless thing to say to any addict.

ShadowsCollideWithKittens · 03/06/2016 00:43

YY, Worra. Oh just quit. Really, that's all it takes. Well bugger, I never knew.

EveryoneElsie · 03/06/2016 00:46

YANBU, some people just like to strop.
When you are ready to quit try Alan Carrs book. Read it up to the last chapter 3 times. Then when you feel ready read the last chapter.
I quit after 30 years with no patches or anything.

www.amazon.co.uk/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Stop-Smoking/dp/0140277633

Just5minswithDacre · 03/06/2016 00:51

3-4 cigarettes is a lot for an evening.

It's really really not Grin

In fact it's so little, that OP has a big headstart on quitting (if she wants to, not because other people think they can dictate what she does in her own garden).

kittensandgin · 03/06/2016 00:56

3 to 4 cigs smoked in the open air will have a health effect on a neighbouring house? For I've heard some crazy shit in my time but that really does take some beating. I do wonder what smokers are supposed to do now that they can't smoke indoors and apparently can't smoke outdoors either. I also wonder how many of the window slammers drive, because unlike cigarette smoke outside car fumes blasted into the open air have actually been proved to cause deaths and health problems.

Totally agree with this (as a non-smoker btw). I think people have become incredibly intolerant and get ridiculously het up about the smallest things. We all find different things annoying about our neighbours or other people around us - wether it's cigarette smoke, BBQs, the wrong perfume, music, screeching playing children, barking dogs, car noise, lawn mowing, sitting outside until late, playing an instrument, slamming doors, etc. I'm all for being considerate and minimising annoyance to one's neighbours but nobody is perfect and we all do stuff that probably irritates our neighbours for one reason or another. There really is no need to be all arsey and passive aggressive at every opportunity. Live and let live and if something really bothers you that much maybe try talking to people first.

Primaryteach87 · 03/06/2016 00:58

This would enrage me to be honest. Why should I have to breathe your smoke? Just because you pollute your lungs, shouldn't mean I can't have fresh air or sit in my garden. I would actually move house if a smoker lived next door.

TwirlsInTwirlsOutAgain · 03/06/2016 01:00

I am a complete non smoker, and have never smoked in my life. Can't stand the smell of it.
However, I completely appreciate that smokers want to smoke too. for some unfathomable reason to me Grin
Just shut your window and have done. You can't ban them from fresh air outdoor as well unfortunately

EveryoneElsie · 03/06/2016 01:01

If you drive a car then you are a massive hypocrite Primaryteach87.

WriteforFun1 · 03/06/2016 01:01

OP what about smoking out of a window? I did that as a teen at night time, it doesn't make the room smell.

NoahVale · 03/06/2016 01:03

i agree with e cig

or bugger the neighbours, you are not chain smoking.

Kimononono · 03/06/2016 01:10

The day I found out I was pregnant I quit. No aids. Just pure misrable beating the cravings.

It's doable. I did it and loved smoking.

WiddlinDiddlin · 03/06/2016 01:23

Smoking out of the window DEFINITELY does make the room smell!

I got busted for that plenty of times as a teenager - now I am a non-smoker trust me, I can smell it.

My sister only smokes in her conservatory - her whole house stinks of fags purely because she lives in it and is a smoker.

If she's been to my house I can smell her long after she has gone!

Am now wondering if ex smokers can smell it even more strongly than people who have never smoked?

AdjustableWench · 03/06/2016 01:53

What good has smoking ever done anybody?

Aside from the deliciousness and the sense of calm and peace?

Cigarettes are wonderful. Amazing. Essential. The soul of a soulless world.

Until you really want to quit, and then you have to remind yourself that they're unhealthy and expensive. But no one can quit before they're ready. Just no point really.

I'm sitting here puffing on my cherry-flavoured e cigarette, rubbing my patch... But I don't want tobacco... I have wine

Fenullafabulous · 03/06/2016 05:25

Smoking does not offer any peace. Only relief that comes with feeding the nicotine addiction.
Have you ordered Allen Carr's book yet?

AddictedToCoYo · 03/06/2016 05:34

Of course YANU to want to smoke in your garden but YABU if you naively think that just because you are in your own garden it doesn't affect or annoy other people. Smoke doesn't stay in your garden, it drifts, the smell carries and lingers. I'd be leaping up to slam the window shut as well. And with the warmer summer evenings coming it would annoy the hell out of me to have to do that.

Perhaps put a bench at the opposite end of the garden where it is as far away from any neighbour's windows as possible. Or go for a little walk up and down the street instead.

Or just give up. You say you want to and this is the sort of thing that should galvanise you into it. No-one likes to feel like a social pariah so it's as good a reason as any to make a start.

GahBuggerit · 03/06/2016 05:38

oh dont worry about this op. youre not a nightmare neighbour. its a shame its drifting in to their house but im sure they will do annoying things like slam windows, cook stuff that stinks, make noises etc.

i

gamerchick · 03/06/2016 05:41

If you drive a car then you are a massive hypocrite

The majority of this thread are probably hypocrites. Doesn't stop a good smoking thread Wink

RosieThorn · 03/06/2016 06:06

Not saying you should quit OP (nor will I say 'I did it so it's easy' because it most definitely is NOT easy) but just going to say, if and when you decide you do want to quit, I'd recommend 'The smoke free formula' by Robert West over Allen Carr's book. Allen Carr's book did nothing for me but have been smoke-free for over a year after reading the other one - I just found that it explained the addiction mechanism much better, making it easier (but not easy!) when going through the withdrawals and cravings. That said, I totally agree with the person who said no-one can quit until they're ready and I also think if you go into it feeling bad about yourself you're much more likely to fail so pay no mind to all the critics - there are actually much worse things you could be doing to your neighbours than having a fag in your garden!

Just5minswithDacre · 03/06/2016 06:27

I would actually move house if a smoker lived next door.

That could get repetitive and expensive.

Nothing like a smoking thread to flush out the hysterics Grin

crazywriter · 03/06/2016 08:11

Am I the only one here who doesn't smell it? Non smoker here. DH used to and neighbours always smoke outside. I've never had to shut the windows because of the smell. In fact I don't smell it when I'm chatting to the neighbours.

Querty12345 · 03/06/2016 08:16

Crazy I'm an ex smoker and i don't either. I'm in ground floor flat and a gang of randomers smoke outside all the time. My furniture doesn't stink either 😮