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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New baby and ILs dangerous dog

203 replies

makingmiracles · 02/06/2016 09:18

So, due next week, first baby for my partner, first grandchild for his mum.
His mum/db have a staffy that is very badly behaved, it was a rescue and has always had behaviour issues but they've got worse in recent years. He's not able to be walked now either because of his behaviour on walks towards other people and other dogs and they couldn't get a decent muzzle to fit him that he couldn't remove, so now he only has access to the house and garden.

A couple of years ago I was in the house with my children, not something that ever happened but the car broke down in the evening and we were waiting for the AA, we were all in what was dps room when we saw the recovery truck pull up outside so made our way downstairs.
Unbeknown to us his db had taken the dog downstairs and it was in the living room, we thought it was in db room with him. My dc opened the living room door and walked in and the dog flew at him pinning him on the sofa, 4 of us adults flung ourselves at the dog and got him off dc and luckily all dc had was a couple of tiny tooth mark bruises. Since then they have never been in the house with the dog.
Mils nephew(8) has stayed at the house recently and apparently the dog took no notice and was fine with him so it's likely what happened with my dc is because the dog was shocked to suddenly be confronted with the children when it wasn't aware they were in the house. I however wouldn't have been comfortable if nephew was my dc after what happened a couple of years previous.

Now new baby is about to arrive, I mentioned when first pregnant about the possibility of a crate and said they would need to get one in advance to get dog used to it, but nothing has happened on that front and they claim putting dog in crate will be too stressful for him anyway so won't be buying one. I've also mentioned getting a high dog gate to go on dbs room door but again nothing's been put into place.
Now it's so close to baby arriving and were expected to rock up with Nb and visit but I feel very uncomfortable about it all. Mil has said that they will shut dog out in conservatory whilst we visit, which is fine I guess but I will insist the door gets locked and I get to hold the key whilst we are there, for my own piece of mind. I'm worried that db/mil will say ooh he's whining/needs toilet and will go let him out, in the process opening the conservatory door and allowing the possibility of dog to escape back into living room.

I feel a bit cross with the situation really, the dog rules their lives in terms of not being able to have many people round to their house and I feel like dog once again is being put first above new/first grandchild.

I don't know how unreasonable I'm being as I'm too close to the situation, dog has never properly bitten me, although has gone to on a few occasions but has bitten dp when he tried to stop him going mad against the fence over the dog next door, he escaped stitches but had a big wound from that so I know dog is capable of causing considerable injury.

OP posts:
Janecc · 02/06/2016 18:04

glass I have no idea. Just googled "rescue stray Eastern Europe". Got lots of hits.

glassgarden · 02/06/2016 18:08

it must be incredibly expensive importing abandoned dogs from Eastern Europe

FFS, as if we dont have enough problem dogs here, some lunatics want to import more problem dogs from other countries Shock

Janecc · 02/06/2016 18:10

Mmm. I imagine so as well. There are apparently a lot of strays in certain countries, which is where the problem would be best tackled to reduce breeding and population levels.

Janecc · 02/06/2016 18:11

On the quick google I just did, some come from Spain as well!

glassgarden · 02/06/2016 18:15

There are apparently a lot of strays in certain countries
so what eh?
let Spain deal with it, euthanize them all is probably the best solution

Andrewofgg · 02/06/2016 18:37

FFS, as if we dont have enough problem dogs here, some lunatics want to import more problem dogs from other countries

Yes, and they'll take the local dogs' jobs and homes too . . . sorry, I could not resist it!

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/06/2016 18:41

OP, I have a Staffie and we got her from a rescue centre. I am so Angry with your ILs for maltreating that poor animal Sad. It could have gone to someone else who would have loved it enough to meet it's needs with training etc.

I would not take my children to that house, ever. Not when the baby is born, nor on Boxing Day. Not ever. It simply is not safe. As has already been covered by other posters, Staffies are very powerful dogs, more powerful than many a bigger breed.

If your MIL has a problem with that, remember it is HER problem. Not yours.

Janecc · 02/06/2016 18:43

Yes Andrew police dogs who'll work for below minimum wage and will accept a smaller cage such like?

Lilacpink40 · 02/06/2016 18:59

Four adults to pull it off a young child?
No I wouldn't be taking a newborn or any child into that house!
Perhaps soften things by saying you and DCs need fresh air and would love company so you'll meet out.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 02/06/2016 19:05

4 thousand pounds later
you spent four grand on re homing a couple of dogs

Yes, it was worth every penny, and I intend to send one rescue Huskie a year back to where it belongs - which is certainly not the ME.

We'll never forget our Huskies but they were never meant to be with us for long. We didnt know that though till we rescued them and saw their distress even when everything was done to make them comfortable in this climate. Then after Id been to Alaska on holiday and seen Huskies in their natural environment I made my mind up there and then that they were going home. It took a year to actually put it all together but they are happy now and I'd do it all again tomorrow.

MyNewBearTotoro · 02/06/2016 19:07

The dog sounds like a risk.

If the dog attacked your newborn you would never, ever ever forgive yourself and especially seeing as you knew about the risk.

Forget about upsetting the in-laws. Your baby comes first and there's no way I'd be taking the baby to the house with that dog, ever.

GirlFromMars1 · 02/06/2016 19:12

They sound like shit dog owners. Would you consider an anonymous call to the RSPCA to report them for the fact they won't walk the dog? I feel sorry for it. No wonder it's got pent up rage. Agree you definitely shouldn't visit them. If they want to see the baby they can go to you.

Dogolphin · 02/06/2016 19:23

I'm so sorry that happened to your son!

I think if they won't agree with you (and you are very very right not to ever want your children, of all ages, in the same house as the dog) then I would threaten to report the dog to the police and have it removed from them.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 02/06/2016 19:23

Bloody hell indeed, in my quest for a dog seen so many needing homes. Why cant they be re homed in EE

EE is over run with stray dogs. Romania in particular. I visit my sons inlaws often and Ive never seen anything like it when it comes to the amount of stray dogs on the streets. Its awful and the noise is deafening.

Welshmaenad · 02/06/2016 20:09

pretty much beside the point when you are comparing a small dog to a large powerful dog
who cares if a Chihuahua attacks you, you'd just shake it off.
Annoying but it's not going to rip your throat out even if it would like to

Well, partly. But I got a glancing nip from a Pug and it fractured my finger, so I would assume that all little dogs are capable of is a graze. They still have teeth, not marshmallows.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/06/2016 03:28

"Perhaps soften things by saying you and DCs need fresh air and would love company so you'll meet out."

Not a great idea if they take that to mean e.g. a park, where they could bring the dog. Unlikely, since they don't walk it, but you never know - no doubt they'll have some crackbrained idea in their heads that the dog "needs to get to know" the baby so it won't attack, and think it would work. Hmm

Better to stick to indoor locations only, where the dog isn't allowed/able to be present.

Fenullafabulous · 03/06/2016 05:33

Do not go round there.
Do not let anyone place your child in the viscinity of that dog.

Clandestino · 03/06/2016 05:34

That dog should be pts. It has owners who don't care and mentally and physically abuse him by depriving him of proper training and exercise. It's a potential bomb waiting to explode. I feel very sorry for the poor animal as he has never had a chance to have a happy family pet life because people failed him but that's not your problem to resolve, OP.
And yes, you should never go into that house with children.

KaosReigns · 03/06/2016 06:38

YANBU don't go around there, and make sure your DP realises how serious this is.

Recently had to make the very tough decision of rehoming one of my dogs. Also a staffy x, also previously abused, and he didn't even have any aggressive tendencies he just needed more training and attention than we could provide with a newborn on the way. We also removed him from the first home that took him after finding out they had lied to us about certain things and were not the home he needed.

When you adopt an animal you agree to do right by them, if your DBil wants to be in bed at 9pm and therefore can't walk his dog then he should find a new home willing to meet that poor dogs needs.

snapcrap · 03/06/2016 07:21

makingmiracles

Your responses are worrying me as much as the dog.

Get TOUGH. Be resolute. As many others have said your baby's life and wellbeing outweighs your in laws' feelings - your baby's life and well being outweighs a massive fall out, even a permanent fall out!

You sound so unsure and overly concerned about how they will react.

We all know the delicate dynamics of family, it can be very difficult and awkward and this is your real life rather than people like me writing words on a screen but it's imperative you listen to the dog owners and experts on here who are screaming at you to not take your baby to their house.

Stop pussy footing around your dh and your ILs and say no. They can come to you sans dog, your dh will have to deal with this - he is a grown up and a father. Oh and no way would I agree to the locking in a conservatory, that dog will be out within 10 minutes as these people are total idiots and haven't a clue. Don't. Take. Baby. There.

makingmiracles · 03/06/2016 11:12

Don't worry I won't be, I just needed others opinions to reassure me that I wasn't being OTT or unreasonable about the suggestion of locking him away.
I spoke with dp last night , he started off with "the dog will probably be able to jump the dog gate" to which I said yes I realise that and will probably break out of a crate also which is why I'm putting my foot down and saying our baby will not be setting foot in your mums house whilst the dog is still there/alive. He got a bit upset saying so mum won't be able to see her gchild, to which I said not at all, there is nothing stopping them coming here, we're just not taking NB round there. He went quiet for a couple of hours but it seemed to me like he realised I wasn't being unreasonable and that I'm right about the situation. I also briefly said how much I loathe the way the dog is being treated at the moment and the fact I feel it Should bordering on animal cruelty that he's not being walked, I didn't push that any further as I have no say in what they do or don't decide to do but I've made it known I don't agree with how he's being treated.
Dp hasn't spoken to his mum yet about what I've said so we'll see how that goes when he does and I'll report back.

OP posts:
Sgoinneal · 03/06/2016 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Janecc · 03/06/2016 11:44

Great. That's progress. The dog is also a high risk to older children as you are well aware so even without a nb, you still can't go anyway.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/06/2016 12:46

Totally agree with Sgoinneal - he has to be crystal clear, very firm and adamant that this is as much his decision as yours.

needsadrinky · 03/06/2016 15:19

I think you are doing the right thing regarding the baby and staying away, but I also think you need to contact the rescue centre they got the dog from they are effectively abusing the dog by not walking it and I'm pretty sure they would want to know and I'm sure you could do it anonymously.