New baby and ILs dangerous dog

[makingmiracles]

So, due next week, first baby for my partner, first grandchild for his mum.
His mum/db have a staffy that is very badly behaved, it was a rescue and has always had behaviour issues but they've got worse in recent years. He's not able to be walked now either because of his behaviour on walks towards other people and other dogs and they couldn't get a decent muzzle to fit him that he couldn't remove, so now he only has access to the house and garden.

A couple of years ago I was in the house with my children, not something that ever happened but the car broke down in the evening and we were waiting for the AA, we were all in what was dps room when we saw the recovery truck pull up outside so made our way downstairs.
Unbeknown to us his db had taken the dog downstairs and it was in the living room, we thought it was in db room with him. My dc opened the living room door and walked in and the dog flew at him pinning him on the sofa, 4 of us adults flung ourselves at the dog and got him off dc and luckily all dc had was a couple of tiny tooth mark bruises. Since then they have never been in the house with the dog.
Mils nephew(8) has stayed at the house recently and apparently the dog took no notice and was fine with him so it's likely what happened with my dc is because the dog was shocked to suddenly be confronted with the children when it wasn't aware they were in the house. I however wouldn't have been comfortable if nephew was my dc after what happened a couple of years previous.

Now new baby is about to arrive, I mentioned when first pregnant about the possibility of a crate and said they would need to get one in advance to get dog used to it, but nothing has happened on that front and they claim putting dog in crate will be too stressful for him anyway so won't be buying one. I've also mentioned getting a high dog gate to go on dbs room door but again nothing's been put into place.
Now it's so close to baby arriving and were expected to rock up with Nb and visit but I feel very uncomfortable about it all. Mil has said that they will shut dog out in conservatory whilst we visit, which is fine I guess but I will insist the door gets locked and I get to hold the key whilst we are there, for my own piece of mind. I'm worried that db/mil will say ooh he's whining/needs toilet and will go let him out, in the process opening the conservatory door and allowing the possibility of dog to escape back into living room.

I feel a bit cross with the situation really, the dog rules their lives in terms of not being able to have many people round to their house and I feel like dog once again is being put first above new/first grandchild.

I don't know how unreasonable I'm being as I'm too close to the situation, dog has never properly bitten me, although has gone to on a few occasions but has bitten dp when he tried to stop him going mad against the fence over the dog next door, he escaped stitches but had a big wound from that so I know dog is capable of causing considerable injury.

And I suppose I was jealous of brothers and Sil's dog in my account upthread. This really takes the

Wow, I'm not jealous of the dog at all, I've said several times (RTfT) that I feel very sorry for the dog, it's no way for it to live, a depressing exsistance. I only suggest pts as I've suggested numerous other options including behavioural specialist but they've not even tried to get it help.

I do think you sound a bit jealous of the dog though, and that you want your baby to be the centre of attention.

I've read some stupid things on here but that takes the biscuit. It's only a dog, FFS. And thus very unimportant when compared to a human.

What a stupid thing to say Leelu 🙄

I wouldn't be taking my baby there. And I say that as a Staffie lover. Dsis has a dopey, soppy, affectionate Staffie who has been socialised correctly and raised with a child in the house. But a potentially out of control Staffie is very dangerous indeed - they have some of the strongest jaws around, paired with the tenacity not to let go. Yanbu op.

YANBU,but you or your DP do need to report the dog even if you do it anonymously,I can't believe you didn't in the past,it went for one of your DC and pinned your child down and bit your child and it's attacked your husband before.

We have 3 Dogs of our own and I love Dogs,we always had Dogs whilst I was growing up and whilst my DH was growing up but there's no way I wouldn't have reported the owners and they're Dog.

Just think OP if that Dog ever gets out it could kill someone's child,would you all be able to live with that?It wouldn't be the first time neither something like that has happened!
The Poor animal would be better of being put to sleep,never walking it,it being aggresive all the time,that's no life for the poor Dog!

Jealous of the dog?

It's got a history of aggression towards people, but this is about the OP wanting her new baby to be the centre of attention? Riiiiiight.

Although, OP, with the way you describe your MIL / BIL around the dog, it wouldn't totally surprise me if they came out with something nonsensical like that, given their apparent inability to recognize and / or attempt to deal with their dog's aggressive tendencies.

YA so NBU. There isn't anyway on God's green earth I'd be taking a newborn into a house where people have no concept of actually understanding the risk to small children. I'm not just talking about your PILs, but your BIL.

Do not take the baby. Do not let your DP take the baby. If they want to see the baby, they come to yours without the dog, or they don't see the baby. Or you meet them out and about somewhere (local café or similar) or they don't see the baby. It is just Not Worth The Risk.

No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No

And no true dog Lover would disagree; plus I fully agree that they are been cruel to the poor animal; what kind of life is that.

Poor animal but still No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No No; No

I love dogs.

Your PIL are irresponsible dog-owners and that dog clearly has a miserable time.

YANBU. Hold firm.

It's sad for the dog because it's not getting any exercise and that will probably just make it worse. I'd say they should seek some training - there must be something they could do, so they could walk it at least.

As for the baby situation, just refuse to go to the house, make up baby allergies if you have to.

This was the final straw for me with me and my MIL.

She did 'lock' the dog in the back, but lo and behold it 'escaped' and came running into the lounge and launched at my 2 week old.

More the fact she told me to get a grip rather than accept I didn't want a dangerous dog around a newborn baby (her first grandchild!)

The dog was always going to come first (despite having left me with dangerous cuts about a year previously)

We had a similar issue with my in laws having a dog with a history of showing aggression to children. I refused to have my children in the same house as the dog. I was painted as being unreasonable, precious, paranoid but I didn't care.
My reasons were that I was responsible for my child's safety and that outweighed my responsibility for their feelings. I also knew that if the dog bit my children all hell would break loose. I would not have been able to forgive my in laws for not agreeing to take the necessary steps to train the dog, it would have ruined our relationship. It could well have ruined my marriage if I felt my dh had not supported me and the children got hurt. It's not easy but the consequences of the dog attacking the baby are massive.

They seem totally unfit to meet the needs of this animal, they aren't addressing the serious issues it has. No way should you go to them, and you need your Dp to be behind you 100% on this. They visit you , minus the dog, absolutely no compromise. I suggest you show them all these responses if they kick up a fuss

Sorry, can I just re-cap? A dog attacked your son and pinned him to a sofa and left marks on him with its teeth? Is that correct?

Yes dogolphin that was what happened the first time (and last) my children had contact with the dog.
I would/will never have them in contact again, what helped was exdp went mad after it happened and was insistent that they were never around it again. Why dp thinks it's ok for our NB to be in the same house idk, misguided sympathy for dog and loyalty to his family perhaps.

Dog owner here and animal lover here -I have had and do have rescue dogs and animals and personally I would have the dog PTS. I don't say that lightly or often, but in this scenario I think it would be the right course of action. The dog has bitten and attacked. It's unpredictable. It can't be walked so it's stick inside 24/7 which adds to frustration and behavioral issues. The owners seem incapable of dealing with the dog. Poor animal. If they insist on keeping the dog like this with no help from behaviourists/trainers and no walks then I would not be taking my children around. Ever. They would be welcome to come and visit but I wouldn't set foot in the house.

Just don't visit, and why is your DP more concerned about his mother and her dog rather than the safety of his own children . I would be reconsidering my relationship with my partner if that was his view.

NO NO NO NO NO AND NO.

There is no way I would be stepping foot inside that house myself, nevermind with DC and most definitely no fucking way with a newborn. I am a dog lover by the way but no way would I put myself or DC in a dangerous situation like that. Tell ILs they can visit you but you will not be visiting them due to the dog. If they get insulted, tough shit. I'd rather have their feelings hurt than worrying about your DC getting attacked by a dog.

I do think you sound a bit jealous of the dog though, and that you want your baby to be the centre of attention

Theres always someone determined to be the one that disagrees with the OP, no matter what. What a stupid statement to make - says more about you Leela than the OP to be honest, someone who just wants to keep her new baby safe and alive.

The dog needs to be put down. It's attacked a child.

Your in laws are utterly deluded. I know people who've taken on damaged rescue dogs and they're fully committed to rehabilitating them, lots of behavioural work and excercise etc. Your in laws don't even walk it? It's a tragedy waiting to happen.
Even a small dog can kill a newborn in seconds. It beggars belief that your husband is even suggesting this,

He should have the incredible protective instinct of a new parent - seeing danger everywhere, driving at a snails pace and doing all the other things new parents do, what the hell is he thinking taking his newborn into a house with an out of control aggressive dog that's already hurt a child?? His priorities are very odd.

Stand firm. No.

TheWitTank with all due respect, how on earth can you state with any certainty that this dog should be killed off the back of a bloody MN thread?! And you say you don't suggest this lightly and are an animal lover?? Yet you are happy to condemn the dog to death with no knowledge of its background before OP's family owned it, no knowledge of the dog's behaviour other than the few incidents mentioned and no knowledge of its potential for rehabilitation.

I agree that in some extreme circumstances having an animal pts is the only option. However, to ensure that this was the only viable option, the dog would need to be assessed by an expert in real life to see if there were any hope of rehabilitation, not just somebody who has read a couple of posts on the internet and never met the animal in question.

Honestly, if it took four adults to pull that dog off your child as it BIT him then that dog should be put down.

It's dangerous. You said it couldn't even be taken out of the house and they won't put it down? That's just irresponsible. I get that people love their pets and are often blind to their faults, but a staffy is a powerful dog and while many of them are sweet and loving, this one isn't. The damage it could do to a small child or even an adult is unthinkable.

I would make it very clear that not only will you not be brining the baby, but you will no longer be visiting.

Personally I would have reported the previous incident and insisted that the dog be put down - I know that might cause a rift though and so not everyone would want to go down that route.

Very sorry for the dog but no. Absolutely no way would I take any child into that house with that dog never mind a newborn. It's playing russian roulette with the kids' lives and the possible consequences if it goes wrong aren't worth thinking about.

I don't care if the dog's shut in the conservatory, it takes seconds for someone to absent mindedly leave the wrong door open or not be thinking and the dog has shown its capacity for hurtling over and attacking a child. My dog is the dippiest muppet of a canine and I've never trusted her an inch around the newborns and toddlers unless I'm right there watching and I know she's in a calm state. She's crate trained and spends only short periods around the kids, and in family gatherings she's still been accidentally let out or let into the wrong room or got out to dance around on the road outside because people are busy with kids. It's going to happen. Even with the greatest care the risks still happen. Your PiL are nothing like as aware of their dog or risk management, they're in total denial.

They're adults, they can live how they want in their house, but they need to leave the dog at home to come visit the kids. If they'd prefer to put their grandchildren at risk rather than cope with feeling criticised then frankly that's a problem too big for you to help them with.

The dog's probably too old to be crate trained.

Doubt it, mine was trained at 6 when he needed cage rest, having never been in one before. Trouble is, it takes time, persistence and effort, all of which the mil/db are not prepared to offer if they haven't managed to walk it for however long.

If the family aren't prepared to come round to you, tough, they won't see your DC, it's simple.