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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New baby and ILs dangerous dog

203 replies

makingmiracles · 02/06/2016 09:18

So, due next week, first baby for my partner, first grandchild for his mum.
His mum/db have a staffy that is very badly behaved, it was a rescue and has always had behaviour issues but they've got worse in recent years. He's not able to be walked now either because of his behaviour on walks towards other people and other dogs and they couldn't get a decent muzzle to fit him that he couldn't remove, so now he only has access to the house and garden.

A couple of years ago I was in the house with my children, not something that ever happened but the car broke down in the evening and we were waiting for the AA, we were all in what was dps room when we saw the recovery truck pull up outside so made our way downstairs.
Unbeknown to us his db had taken the dog downstairs and it was in the living room, we thought it was in db room with him. My dc opened the living room door and walked in and the dog flew at him pinning him on the sofa, 4 of us adults flung ourselves at the dog and got him off dc and luckily all dc had was a couple of tiny tooth mark bruises. Since then they have never been in the house with the dog.
Mils nephew(8) has stayed at the house recently and apparently the dog took no notice and was fine with him so it's likely what happened with my dc is because the dog was shocked to suddenly be confronted with the children when it wasn't aware they were in the house. I however wouldn't have been comfortable if nephew was my dc after what happened a couple of years previous.

Now new baby is about to arrive, I mentioned when first pregnant about the possibility of a crate and said they would need to get one in advance to get dog used to it, but nothing has happened on that front and they claim putting dog in crate will be too stressful for him anyway so won't be buying one. I've also mentioned getting a high dog gate to go on dbs room door but again nothing's been put into place.
Now it's so close to baby arriving and were expected to rock up with Nb and visit but I feel very uncomfortable about it all. Mil has said that they will shut dog out in conservatory whilst we visit, which is fine I guess but I will insist the door gets locked and I get to hold the key whilst we are there, for my own piece of mind. I'm worried that db/mil will say ooh he's whining/needs toilet and will go let him out, in the process opening the conservatory door and allowing the possibility of dog to escape back into living room.

I feel a bit cross with the situation really, the dog rules their lives in terms of not being able to have many people round to their house and I feel like dog once again is being put first above new/first grandchild.

I don't know how unreasonable I'm being as I'm too close to the situation, dog has never properly bitten me, although has gone to on a few occasions but has bitten dp when he tried to stop him going mad against the fence over the dog next door, he escaped stitches but had a big wound from that so I know dog is capable of causing considerable injury.

OP posts:
Lynnm63 · 02/06/2016 11:06

I love dogs. My St. Bernard puppy puppy! Size of a small horse at 7 mths
Is playing on the floor. I too ask anyone who visits if they're OK with her being around even though she's a softie.
I would not under any circumstances be visiting and would refuse to let the dog come to me.
Even if nothing ever happened you'd be on tenterhooks unable to relax for a second worrying if something did happen it could be fatal or cause life limiting injuries. They've already shown no empathy, as soon as your dc was attacked they couldn't use the 'he won't attack' argument.
As much as I dislike the daily fail ask yourself how this would play out on their front page.
It might ruin your relationship with them but not as much as if their dog bits your newborn.

Mishmashpotatoes · 02/06/2016 11:08

Do not trust that they will keep the dog out! I have the same issue with my IL's collie. It keeps going for my 5yo DD so I said we can't come up unless you crate the dog, to which they said they would lock it in the room.

Fast forward to next visit, they lock the dog in the room, it starts whining, they let it out. I was furious, and they want to be left to baby sit 5 month old son. No chance.

JacketPoTayTo · 02/06/2016 11:08

The two options are not 1. Dog stays with ILs or 2. Dog is put down. Sorry but I feel quite strongly that the dog should not have to pay for your IL's failings with its life.

The dog deserves a chance to be rehomed with somebody who has the knowledge, patience and time to attempt to rehabilitate it.

All your ILs have done is take a dog which already had behavioural issues and make it a million times worse by giving the dog no exercise and no training. They are guilty of neglect and, in my opinion, animal cruelty.

Can you not contact the home where they originally had the dog from? Or report to the RSPCA? You could do it anonymously.

MissBattleaxe · 02/06/2016 11:09

It must be hard for your DP to be in the middle, but he's got to do the right thing. MIL and BIL have a blind spot regarding this dog. All the red flags are there. Refuse to enter their house, but repeat they can visit you (without the do, clearly).

They are putting their dog before family members. Make sure your DP doesn't get sucked into that mindset with them.

They are not taking any risk seriously, so they can't be trusted to "keep him in another room" or any silly compromise they may offer.

catsrus · 02/06/2016 11:09

My DC learned to walk by holding onto a dog's back and toddling along beside them. I once caught dd2 sharing an ice cream cone with her special doggy friend, a lick for me, a lick for you Blush. I would not take a child into that house and, to be honest, I would also contact the rescue it came from and tell them that the dog is not being adequately cared for. The dog is effectively being abused, it's needs are not being met. I would also inform the Rspca. This is not a situation that can be allowed to continue. A similarly unsocialised rescue recently got out of a house, near us, and attacked and killed a young lab being walked by a teenage girl. No one could get the attacking dog off, it's jaws were simply too powerful. Horrific.

You are not over reacting, honestly.

Greyhorses · 02/06/2016 11:10

I have my own 2 big german shepherds and work with dogs every day yet still refuse to go to MILs without her savage chihuahuas being locked away after I was bitten twice. She is useless at controlling them and think they are Angels.

No way would I step foot in that house with my baby either OP. Ive met a few staffs with a screw loose and that sounds like one of them sadly.

soupey1 · 02/06/2016 11:13

I'm afraid I am with everyone else on this - you MUST NOT go to the house with the dog and do not allow it to come to you. It only takes a second for it to get out and the consequences could be catastrophic for your NB. DP must step up and put his child first - there is no other reasonable solution.

hufflepuf · 02/06/2016 11:14

Perhaps insisting they come here is easier although not sure how well that'll go down.

You will have a newborn baby, why should you be expected to go to theirs???

Stratter5 · 02/06/2016 11:18

I'm with Jacket, is there any way you could get in contact with the rescue he came from?

Janecc · 02/06/2016 11:20

That is a good idea to contact the rescue centre he came from.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/06/2016 11:21

I would not go around there under any circumstances; that dog is a disaster waiting to happen. That animal has already shown willing to attack others, its no family pet.

Honestly I would report them to the RSPCA, owners like this giver responsible dog owners a bad name.

And what if the worst did happen and your child was injured; you would never forgive yourself, your partner or any of his family for that happening. Why take the risk?.

makingmiracles · 02/06/2016 11:21

I guess dp wants to be able to go to his mums with NB as our place is small and overcrowded at present, his db is also bit of a recluse so unsure whether he will come here but that's not my problem and I'm not bothered either way, will be sad for dp if his db won't come here but will show how much db prioritises dog over family if that ends up being the case.

OP posts:
glassgarden · 02/06/2016 11:22

think it will be a difficult conversation but will put my foot down with dp, I think he feels torn as its his dm/db opposing our opinion on it all
Torn?
About the safety of his own child!

MrsJoeyMaynard · 02/06/2016 11:23

I would not take a child to their house while that dog still lives there.

It's dangerous, it's attacked and bitten people before. Sounds like it's just chance that it's not seriously injured someone. And your MIL and BIL aren't prepared to take steps to isolate the dog from visitors. Not exercising the dog won't help either.

It's just not worth the risk to your baby. Your child's safety is more important than your MIL / BIL's feelings about their dog. You really need to get your DP on board with this.

AugustaFinkNottle · 02/06/2016 11:26

These people are total fuckwits about the dog. They won't do anything to help it like getting behavioural training or taking it out for walks, but they wimp around saying it's cruel to put it in a crate. They are lucky it hasn't been put down already given its history of serious attacks, including attacks on children. There is no way on earth that I would take a child, let alone a newborn, to their house while the dog is in it.

leelu66 · 02/06/2016 11:27

YANBU for not wanting to take your baby to PILs house.

I do think you sound a bit jealous of the dog though, and that you want your baby to be the centre of attention.

That's unreasonable, as they love their dog too. It sounds like he has a hard enough life as it is and they don't want to make it more difficult by locking him in the conservatory crate. But they shouldn't expect you to visit with baby in that case.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 02/06/2016 11:29

Some dog owners make me really bloody angry. That poor dog.

YADNBU. They can come to you.

Valentine2 · 02/06/2016 11:30

I don't care what anyone else here says. You need to act the plan about keeping keys with you. Frankly if they are not listening to you and there has been one incident I won't ever visit them again until the dog is there.

GirlOutNumbered · 02/06/2016 11:30

YANBU
They should be coming to you!!

Valentine2 · 02/06/2016 11:31

leelu
Are you for the real?? I can't believe how OP sounds jealous of the dog to you?? Some people

glassgarden · 02/06/2016 11:36

If they want to put the darling fur baby before your human baby its their loss

MissBattleaxe · 02/06/2016 11:36

I do think you sound a bit jealous of the dog though, and that you want your baby to be the centre of attention

Are you mad? It is about RISK not attention. It took four adults to get the dog off a small child. I shudder to think what would happen to a baby. The ILS can visit the baby, they just can't have the baby visit THEM.

NeedACleverNN · 02/06/2016 11:39

I do think you sound a bit jealous of the dog though, and that you want your baby to be the centre of attention.

So the fact that the dog attacked her ds, attacked her dh, not walked and is quite aggressive are all signs she is jealous of the dog.

Right-o then

Janecc · 02/06/2016 11:39

For the love of god jealous?!!! Nothing to do with wanting to keep their baby alive for example.

MrsPMT · 02/06/2016 11:39

YADefNBU

And say that as a dog lover.

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