AIBU that I can't forgive my husband for not telling me he has two kids?!

[Chele72]

Ok so I got married on 01.08.15. Beautiful wedding day. We had been together for 4 years so I thought I knew him inside and out!
How wrong was I!
6 months into the marriage, I found a letter from the CSA addressed to him with the names and date of births of his 12 year old son and 10 year old daughter that he had kept a secret from me!
His whole family know but none of them including my husband have any contact with them, he just pays the mother £500 directly from his wages every month!
I found this out at the end of February and still can't talk to him!
I've told him I hate him and his family for not telling me!
I asked him whEn we first met if he had kids as I have a 20 year old son, 25 year old daughter and a 1 year old granddaughter so more children would not have been a problem as I am stepmum to 3 children from my children's father!
The fact that he lied and that he has nothing to do with them and doesn't ever want contact has really annoyed me and he is not the same pErson I fell in love with!
I really hate him now and am on the verge of a divorce! I have to wait until we have been married for a year first though!

OP, this is bonkers. Divorce him ASAP.

Wow. You poor thing. What a shock!

Has he offered up any attempt at a reasonable explanation for why he kept TWO CHILDREN a secret. wow. My x had a secret motorbike. He also had one I knew about! I was beyond caring by then. But two children. Wow. Just wow. How did he never mention them? He must be a cold character. Even if he doesn't come across as cold, that ability to compartmentalise is shocking.

YANBU I'd be absolutely devastated if I found out similar about DH I don't think I could ever forgive him.

He's abandoned his children, and has never even met one of them? Disgusting, I'd say it's definitely grounds for divorce.

Get yourself some legal advise ASAP and get him out.

Oh right, just seen that he never bonded with his son and never met his daughter.

That admission is another shock.

.

ps, you're not a failure! you've your own house, you have your integrity and you have your standards.

so why was there a letter ifhe pays privately

do u know anything about the relationship with his ex wife?

all sounds a bit weird i didnt know my dh had 2 children for about the first 2 weeks we were together i was shocked then let alone this far down the line

it is up to you of course what you want to do but like others said what else has he lied about

Uhm, just out of interest, would there be a legal advantage if you applied for a dissolution? Regarding the house you both live in, for example?

You're not a failure. He is! You didn't disinherit your kids or lie to your husband.

omfg, i have a shocked face, wow wee! ive read some stuff on here but this is just WOW. fuck that right off, he'd be gone for keeping that secret and his family too, wow. fucking hell. theres secrets, then theres a whole different life. what a set of toss pots between them all. theres no way, for me, there'd be any going back to normal after that. when u think you know someone, chuffing hell fire.

and 500 quid! jesus!

sending you virtual wine.

Is he still living in your house? Does he contribute financially? If so, kick him out swiftly, else you may be in danger of him claiming he is entitled to a share due to his contributions.

YANNNNNNNBU.

I am so sorry

Absolute scumbag.

I used to work with separated parents and met quite a few men who kept their children secret from new partners. I could sort of understand it if the child was conceived while he was married but not if it was before the current relationship started. I used to warn them that the children may search for them when older and it would be much harder to explain to their wife/partner

The marriage was ok before this appeared!
He has agreed relationship with my kids even tho they're grownup now and a lovely bond with my granddaughter so I just can't get my head around him lying and disowning his kids through choice!

He does bury his head in the sand and thought this would just blow over but I get angry everyday about it!

I hate people who disown their kids especially when they are just innocent children!
I can't accept it!

Surely you have had some big discussion with him about his reasoning and why he has kept this from you?

No
Legal disadvantage if we seperated.
He pays me housekeeping and earns 3x more than me so he can afford to get somewhere else. I'd just lose out on the bit of money he pays monthly but I can live with that. I work full time and always have!

Bluskyinmarch... We had a discussion(forced me) but his reasons just piss me off even more!
He said he wasn't ready to be a father!
He didn't see the mother until a party about. Year or so later, had drunken sex and created another child that he didn't want!
He said he and the mother both agreed it best for the kids for him to have no contact but to pay her monthly!

He said he didn't tell me because he doesn't see them as his children! Pure disgust is what I feel!

Discussions forced by me is what I meant to say!
He would rather not speak about it and carry on like we did before!

What a twat! He didnt give a shit about preventing himself becoming a father and he clearly doesnt give a shit about being a father.

What a twat

He just doesn't care about them at all and hasno intention of ever having contact!
He really is not the person I met!

Eurgh your situation sounds so similar to mine! Ex won't discuss it and just says he has no answers. I suspect he fathers kids, runs away, lies about his past, makes the next woman pregnant, she finds out about his past, he runs away and so the cycle continues.

He currently sees none of his children. He blames the mothers. I think he's a scumbag.

This a legitimate LTB opportunity! Poor you OP, what a shit!