To think what DH does is not saintly?

[Loulou0]

We have a toddler and a newborn. I'm on maternity leave, DH is back at work full time. DH does the night feeds. Roughly at midnight and 3am. Our baby will then wake up around 6ish and I get up with him for the day. Toddler joins us shortly after and DH sleeps until about 8. We get the kids ready together and he leaves for work about 9. DH does his desk job all day, I look after our kids. I make dinner in the evening and DH puts our toddler to bed while I have some time to myself, I normally go for a run or have a bath etc.

This seems fair to me. Others (friends with kids, my DM) think DH is some kind of Saint and that I am 'so lucky!' And that I 'should be grateful'

Aibu to think that he's just doing his share and nothing particularly special??

Autumn if you read my post properly I put ' well not lucky'

I don't know how to explain it better

Lucky isn't the right word

You're taking what I said out of context :(

Recovery varies. I was fairly fine 2 days later. However, two weeks later I had severe bouts of fever and had to take antibiotics.

My opinion (as someone who has DC with a DH who also has DC from a previous relationship) is that maybe YABU if you are not appreciative of him doing all night feeds as he didn't do that with his first kids (think you said that up thread).
So whether that's due to situation (eg job) or relationship dynamic, just the fact that it has taken a lot of the pressure off of you.
And I know there is the argument that if it's something that should have been done all along then why should you feel 'grateful' but I guess I just mean appreciating things being different?
My DH resigned from his hobby for a while after our DCs were born (when he hadn't with previous DC) and I did appreciate that he'd now acknowledged that it was important IYSWIM.

You are working on looking nice to your OH. As you should.

l can't believe that after all accusations that it's an outdated 50s attitude that SAHM should do night feeds and housework, no one picked up on this comment when OP said she was having a pedicure!?

I saw it but didn't think it was serious?

Oh my goodness ifinished. That is, fairly obviously, a joke.

I assumed it was a joke too

Joke?

I'm pretty sure it was serious.

Loulou, I think that if it works for you then great, I do think you should appreciate your OH (as he should for what you do too)

But I just want to ask if you feel like you are missing out by not doing the nights ever? Despite the tiredness I love the feeling of taking care of my LG in the night, those nighttime snuggles etc. Don't get me wrong I LOVE a break when my OH does it when he is not working but I would miss it if I didn't do it at all.

Apologies - that went right over my head then... !

Apples. No, not really. Baby generally goes straight back to sleep for the 2 night feeds. He's wide awake for me first thing which I must prefer. He's just started smiling so first thing in the morning is a lovely time for us

mummytohpm, I understand, but your full paragraph was: "I guess I don't wanna end up inadvertently talking advantage. I suppose I am lucky that dp doesn't use that and take advantage of me really. Well not lucky. You know what I mean! "

I honestly don't know what you mean. I don't understand why on earth you would even consider being grateful to somebody for not taking advantage of you.

It's like saying " I suppose I am lucky that dp is not an arsehole. Well not lucky. You know what I mean! "

It is lovely isn't it? Mine is 11 weeks now so she has been smiling and gurgling for a while now. Sometimes she is smiling so much is looks like her face must hurt!

This is my first baby so excited about every little thing (probably why I don't want to not do the nights!)

Forget it autumn I can't be arsed trying to explain it to you

Stop trying to make me out as being some downtrodden 50s housewife who's thankful not to suffer domestic abuse when that is not at all the case

Don't worry mummy, i know what you meant

I'm glad someone did!

Heroic. Saintly. Amazing. Where did you find him?

You seem to have hit upon an approach that works for you, but I would make the following amendments to be sure no one gets fed-up:
Alternate the night feed nights
Alternate the days where one of you gets toddler ready in morning
Alternate cooking / put to bed toddler or get takeaway once a week
Me time for hubby besides work?
Maybe he can have bath / run / meet friend on night you put toddler to bed??

Otherwise fab that he's helping & that you can share feeding.

What is up with him not leaving for work til 9:00am though, lucky saint I say! Which company does he work for? I want a job there.

For context, I work P/T 3 days a week, have a one year old & my hubby leaves for work round 7:00am most days. He works from home Friday & we share feeding & bathing, but I always do bedtime bottle. He mostly does the meals as he was a chef years ago, but our chaotic baby-led lives this year have led to many takeaways, basic meals like pasta & sauce, etc.

That is he leaves at 7:00am days I don't work, we leave together round 7:20 or 7:25am on work days to drop son at nursery.

Well after being awake since 2:30am feeding etc etc., I felt I had to add my thoughts to this thread. I'm doing what every parent should be doing, their share.

My DW is fantastic in what she does for our children. If I wanted to sleep now, I'd wake her from the nice comfortable bed I paid for, I'd ask her to warm a bottle in the kitchen I fitted, in the house I bought with the mortgage I pay for and without a doubt she'd get up and do it all without a second thought. Then she'd read the last part of this post and tell me to ............ (You can fill in the blank)

They are our children, it's our house and our relationship, it's all about give and take. Every time I do something (go to work / spend time with my other children), DW is doing something to enable me to do this. I do the night feeds so she's able to spend time being primped and preened to look good for when I get home, it also allows her to teach, nurture and care for our children during the day, but clearly those things are of far less importance.

I thought society had been changing with the dawn of the "modern man", but having read some of this thread it appears that there are numerous Neanderthals out their with partners who simply tolerate being left to do it all.

I believe, the way DW and I share things should be the norm not the exception and for anyone to say what I do is saintly is quite simply ridiculous.

We used to do one night of night feeds each, so that at least the other partner got a decent sleep every other night.
Each baby is different and some are easier at night than others.Some adults function on a few hours- some need hours of quality sleep. If it's working for you as a family, fine- but just check in that it's 'still' OK with him every few weeks- my hubby felt awful when he finally tearfully 'fessed up one night that night feeds and commuting and working F/T was just too much- he wanted to be there- to be fully involved and supportive...but it was destroying him slowly and I was too tired myself to spot it. We then came up with a better plan that helped us both. My indignant 'But I am with DD/DS ALL DAY' didn't cut it when he was working so hard at work, and so hard at home with us- it just was not a long term sustainable model ! Keep communicating. Those dads have feelings and emotions too, and sometimes feel they can't complain- or even discuss such sacred issues- but it is better that you do !!l