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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think what DH does is not saintly?

896 replies

Loulou0 · 31/05/2016 06:24

We have a toddler and a newborn. I'm on maternity leave, DH is back at work full time. DH does the night feeds. Roughly at midnight and 3am. Our baby will then wake up around 6ish and I get up with him for the day. Toddler joins us shortly after and DH sleeps until about 8. We get the kids ready together and he leaves for work about 9. DH does his desk job all day, I look after our kids. I make dinner in the evening and DH puts our toddler to bed while I have some time to myself, I normally go for a run or have a bath etc.

This seems fair to me. Others (friends with kids, my DM) think DH is some kind of Saint and that I am 'so lucky!' And that I 'should be grateful'

Aibu to think that he's just doing his share and nothing particularly special??

OP posts:
Original poster
Loulou0 · 02/06/2016 14:33

Proteus and mummy are you the same person? I stand by what I said about you proteus. Sorry but you did sound quite off the wall with your comments.

OP posts:
mummytohpm · 02/06/2016 14:36

No

A lot of others have actually agreed with mine and proteus opinions

Although I direct you to my last post where I explained (again) how i actually don't think op is being unreasonable

Lweji · 02/06/2016 14:36

But you wouldn't know that either since you haven't been arsed to read my posts!

True, I wasn't. :) And won't. I usually don't follow all sequences of posts by each pp on a thread.
I was responding to the last. Shoot me.
Still not sure where that come from, as I don't think anyone here thinks the OP deserves a medal, or proposed it.

Original poster
Loulou0 · 02/06/2016 14:37

Harsh I have NO problem with people disagreeing with me, i like the debate. I just reserve the right to stand my ground
No signs of DH having enough. He did exactly the same with our older Dc. He knows to tell me if it ever feels too much and we will swap things around.

OP posts:
ProteusRising · 02/06/2016 14:37

No loulou we are not the same person. We are two completely separate posters who have never encountered each other before, and seem to have formed very similar opinions about you, based on your posts.

Good to know that you 'stand by' calling me a lunatic , a loon , a nutter , bitter , and downtrodden . Even though it's against all the rules of this website. (And against all the rules of reasonable discussion, but that's not surprising.)

Funny that you chose not to mention it then, when complaining about me insulting you up thread.

RitchyBestingFace · 02/06/2016 14:39

It was me that pointed out the OP has a 5 week old, not because I think she deserves a medal, but because I think nobody who has recently had a human being taken out of them deserves being called lazy, selfish, not doing their fair share, spoilt. All of which are things that PPs mainly YOU have called the OP.

You and other PPs seem unduly exercised by the OP's lack of desire to join the Mummy Martyr club.

mummytohpm · 02/06/2016 14:40

True, I wasn't. :) And won't. I usually don't follow all sequences of posts by each pp on a thread.
I was responding to the last. Shoot me.
Still not sure where that come from, as I don't think anyone here thinks the OP deserves a medal, or proposed it.

Well like you just said you haven't read Half the responses so how you could you possibly know that?

Original poster
Loulou0 · 02/06/2016 14:41

Ok well I've mentioned it now. you called me names, so did mummy, I (stupidly) retaliated. You and mummy still need to calm down though.

OP posts:
ProteusRising · 02/06/2016 14:41

By the way, loulou, my so-called 'insults' towards you (lazy, selfish, spoiled etc.) are based on descriptions of your behaviour that you've chosen to share here, and the way you've responded to everyone who disagrees with you. Nothing beyond that.

Your insults towards me, on the other hand, are unfounded and unjustified personal attacks and foul examples of the ad hominem fallacy - if you are unable to answer the argument, attack the person arguing instead.

I am none of the things you have chosen to call me, but that's in fact irrelevant to the questions being debated.

You've chosen not to respond to my question about whether or not you've read up on the effects of sleep deprivation, or the link provided. Nor to my suggestion that you do all of the night feeds yourself for a month and see how he feels at the end of that period.

Original poster
Loulou0 · 02/06/2016 14:43

Proteus I don't think what you have said about me is true either. What I said was also based on your posts so what's the difference ?
Believe it or not , no I didn't read your link!

OP posts:
mummytohpm · 02/06/2016 14:43

was me that pointed out the OP has a 5 week old, not because I think she deserves a medal, but because I think nobody who has recently had a human being taken out of them deserves being called lazy, selfish, not doing their fair share, spoilt. All of which are things that PPs mainly YOU* have called the OP.

You and other PPs seem unduly exercised by the OP's lack of desire to join the Mummy Martyr club.*

It wasn't just you actually.

She's not lazy. She is slightly selfish in my opinion and if she was a bloke she'd still be slightly selfish. She's not doing her fair share IN MY OPINION

We are allowed different opinions, you know.

Wtf are you on about mummy martyr club,

You have absolutely no fucking idea do you! I haven't at all said that she should do all the bastard night feeds and her special snowflake DH should do absolutely nowt.

I think he's doing more than her. If that's okay by him then fine

She asked a fucking question why are you getting so defensive and quite frankly patronising to people who don't agree with you!

Lweji · 02/06/2016 14:46

my so-called 'insults' towards you (lazy, selfish, spoiled)

They ARE insults, btw.

Also:
rude, entitled, nasty piece of work.

mummytohpm · 02/06/2016 14:48

lou sorry if I have offended you.

It's not you I have a problem with it is other patronising rude posters who for some reason don't seem to understand that people are going to have differing opinions on this, and haven't actually read half my posts.

I will reiterate YANBU. However - it wouldn't work for me and if I was you I would do more, but I'm not you so if it works carry on.

Original poster
Loulou0 · 02/06/2016 14:50

Lweji I missed those ones! 👌

OP posts:
Original poster
Loulou0 · 02/06/2016 14:52

Mummy totally not offended. If someone had said those things to main real life I'd be really upset.

OP posts:
mummytohpm · 02/06/2016 14:53

If I knew you in real life presumably I'd see how happy both you and your husband are with the arrangements and there would be no need to even discuss the issue Grin

RitchyBestingFace · 02/06/2016 14:54

Mummy

You asked this.
Why do people keep saying op had a baby five weeks ago like she deserves sympathy or something?!

I answered it. Confused

Original poster
Loulou0 · 02/06/2016 14:56

Ritchy * the mummy martyr club 😂

OP posts:
BonerSibary · 02/06/2016 14:56

Why do people keep saying op had a baby five weeks ago like she deserves sympathy or something?!

Yes we know ffs!! So did a lot of people, and most of those people still get up in the night.

What do you want, to give op a medal for giving birth?!

Jesus Christ!

If op is getting a medal I bleeding well want one too and so should every other mother in the fucking world.

This is such a sad post. In a thread full of them, granted, but this one says a lot. I think maybe people who can't cope with OP not being more grateful don't get that actually, many of us do think that every other mother in the fucking world should get a bit of consideration. Perhaps we'd see lower rates of postpartum MH issues if every new mother had someone to take over as much of the night duty as possible. Yes this won't be an option if your DP is an air traffic controller, surgeon, long distance driver etc, but the idea that new mothers getting rest should be a family priority shouldn't cause the shitstorm it has, and nor should the impact of multiple night wakings immediately after pregnancy and birth on a woman's health be minimised.

Yorkshiregrey77 · 02/06/2016 15:02

When people say she isn't doing enough did you see the post when see said he does nothing in the home bar occasionally ironing. Yes she has a cleaner but there is still lots of day to day bits which need doing. Plus she is looking after 1 or 2 children all day.

Original poster
Loulou0 · 02/06/2016 15:06

Yorkshire and what is classed as 'enough' anyway I wonder?

OP posts:
Yorkshiregrey77 · 02/06/2016 15:09

It depends on what's right for your family. If you are both happy than great . I know my dh didn't do enough when we had our 3Re in particular and if I am honest I still resent him for it .

RitchyBestingFace · 02/06/2016 15:10

Completely agree Boner

(And is your name Polari?)

AuntDotsie · 02/06/2016 15:12

the idea that new mothers getting rest should be a family priority shouldn't cause the shitstorm it has, and nor should the impact of multiple night wakings immediately after pregnancy and birth on a woman's health be minimised.

YY and amen to this! Those first few months are one of the reasons our DS is probably going to be staying an only child.

BonerSibary · 02/06/2016 15:18

Haha no polari, it was following the Mail quoting business a few weeks ago. People were picking rude DM nicknames and Shona Sibary was the only journo I could think of a puerile pun name pun for.

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