To think what DH does is not saintly?

[Loulou0]

We have a toddler and a newborn. I'm on maternity leave, DH is back at work full time. DH does the night feeds. Roughly at midnight and 3am. Our baby will then wake up around 6ish and I get up with him for the day. Toddler joins us shortly after and DH sleeps until about 8. We get the kids ready together and he leaves for work about 9. DH does his desk job all day, I look after our kids. I make dinner in the evening and DH puts our toddler to bed while I have some time to myself, I normally go for a run or have a bath etc.

This seems fair to me. Others (friends with kids, my DM) think DH is some kind of Saint and that I am 'so lucky!' And that I 'should be grateful'

Aibu to think that he's just doing his share and nothing particularly special??

Based on your post about a useless parent mummy I think I see more now what's causing you to have these feelings. But honestly, this is a completely different scenario because your useless parent hadn't just gone through pregnancy and birth (I'm assuming that even if you're talking about your mum, you're not pillorying her for not being able to hold a job down a month postpartum!) That really does make it a different ballgame. It's ok to need time to recover and for that to have a physical and financial impact, especially as the new baby will massively increase the amount of work needing done in the family unit. Taking that time, even if we accept the argument that OP getting a stretch of sleep and doing the early morning wake up is easier than a lie in following interruptions, doesn't mean you're not doing your fair share.

Mummy your children are lucky to have you. And you are obviously going to pass onto them a good work ethic and family values. No more guilt!

How is driving to work sleep deprived any different from doing the school run/car pool while sleep deprived? Isn't it worse if you're driving other people's children around in that state?

As for a boss who doesn't give a toss if you're sleep deprived being more significant than being responsible for a toddler while sleep deprived, there is a serious value judgement there. Children require vigilant care-givers to be safe and they deserve this every bit as much as an employer does. I wouldn't be happy if my childminder was very sleep-deprived for the same reasons.

Mummy you are contributing, by looking after your baby all day? Is that not a massive contribution to your family? However, based on your comment about your parents, I think I get the guilt thing. My dad was the same and my mum was a shell of a woman when I was growing up. It just affected me in the opposite way I guess.

Boner you said that most women don't recover after 5 weeks, I just wanted to know if that was actually true or you just thought it up, no need to bite my head off

That's not biting your head off. You'd know about if it I were biting your head off. I simply wasn't sure what you meant. I thought it was fairly obvious it was a statement of opinion, what with it including the words 'I suspect' so couldn't see why you'd be asking whether it was something I'd thought up or not. To be clear though, no I don't know of any figures about what percentage of women feel 100% recovered at 5 weeks postpartum. Perhaps we should do a survey now.

Me, 2 kids. 1st one, no. 2nd one, fucking hell no.

You'd know about if it I were biting your head off.

Lovely way to talk.

And there was you giving mummy aggro when you're just as riled up

You should probably not be whining on about giving out aggro when you tell people who did no such thing not to bite your head off. If you ask a silly question, you aren't entitled not to have that pointed out to you. But to be crystal clear, I don't have a problem with people giving out aggro. I have a problem with them being wrong.

I think bat the night feeds it sounds fair. The night feeds are a big bonus but if he wants to do them then great but is he saying he does to help you? I would perhaps offer to do at least one. However, if your arrangement works for you that's great!

Boner you really are a boner, it wasn't a stupid question it was calling you out on making shit up

I'm going to say something that is really going to ruffle your pretentious feathers...

not everyone has to be in line with your way of thinking.

And you have a problem with people being wrong? you must have a problem with yourself them as you've come on the thread and made up statements that you can't back up with fact.

It was a fantastically stupid question. You clearly don't understand what a statement of opinion is though, since you confuse something not verified with something wrong. I'm quite amused too that you've gone from tone policing to adolescent style, you so stupid and your name so stupid and I'm rubber you're glue in the space of what, three posts? Bit of a change of tack there.

Wtf rubber and glue? No clue what your talking about. Yeah well that's just my style. Think what you like.

And no it wasn't a stupid question. That's not your judgement to make. You say I'm an adolescent when your Nn is boner?! Pot and kettle springs to mind

Oh AND it's my perogative to change 'tack' as you call it.

I know I'm contributing and when I sit and think rationally about it I know I do a lot.

I guess I don't wanna end up inadvertently talking advantage. I suppose I am lucky that dp doesn't use that and take advantage of me really. Well not lucky. You know what I mean!

Your situation wouldn't work for me, but I'm glad it does for you :)

And yes, if your DH is happy to do the night feeds let him carry on!

On a side note I really would be interested to know how long it takes women to recover fully from birth.

I've been told by a lot of people how lucky I was didn't feel lucky every time I went for a wee.... Ouch! To recover this quick.

Mummy I feel like that too. After a week I was out and about with just stingy pissing to contend with. I didn't tear he just slipped out. Maybe we were just lucky. Who knows!

I tore internally and had stitches but it wasn't half as bad as I was expecting to be honest! I was out and about in a few days! X

Mummy - I feel exactly the same as you. Sitting having a manicure whilst my dh was at work, followed by him being the one to get up at 3am just wouldn't sit right with me. I don't think it's sad, I think it's nice.

And in answer to the 'how long did it take you to recover' - I took both my dds out for a walk on day 2 (day 1 I really just stayed in cos I knew you were 'supposed' to) and was back playing hockey after 2 weeks after dr sign off. Natural births.

I know one woman who was at work on Friday, gave birth on Saturday, and was back at work on Monday. I think she was supposed to legally have 2 weeks off but she refused!

FWIW re. recovery time - for me, EMCS, DS in NICU for 5 days, I was staggering about the day after, walking by week 2, all better physically around week 5. Emotionally, it took a damn sight longer and involved counselling and things. We're all different and shit happens.

mummytohpm, why do you feel lucky that you DH does not take advantage of you? Do you also feel lucky that he doesn't slap you about? Why does a woman need to feel lucky if her husband acts like a decent human being? Is the default state for men that of an arsehole?

If it's an arrangement that suits you both and your children are cared for why care what anyone thinks? Looking after 2 kids all day if you're not so knackered it helps you to be a better mum and if your man can help in any way well that's what it's all about. I recently read that being a great parent is about doing what is right for YOUR family. I think that's the only advice any of us need.