Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

[IoraRua]

I've attended three vegan weddings, and the food was spectacularly shit at them all. But that's down to bad catering rather than it just being vegan iyswim.

I think the guests are bu, but at the same time she has to accept that they can decline for whatever reason they like. Bit of a weird reason in this case but oh well.

[MangoBiscuit]

I'm appalled at the behaviour of your guests! Who snubs someone's wedding because they don't get to eat meat there?? Your DD is NBU, I'd be telling the lot of them to feck off and encourage your DD to fill their spaces with other friends who'll celebrate and toast to her and her new DH.

[MrsRaegan]

Most people provide a vegetarian option of required. Why can't your daughter do the same? It may not the be the meal, but more having others principles forced on them that's annoying guests.

[PurpleDaisies]

When you say you should not have put the information on the invites, you mean that you shouldn't have suggested, it don't you?

This is your daughter's wedding. She (and her fiancé who you haven't even mentioned) had the final say in what got sent out. Her and her fiancé decide what to serve to the guests. If you're getting pissed off with her choices, take a step back. It isn't your wedding.

[SmallBee]

Whoops, I CAN easily manage

[KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth]

I think it was a mistake to put it on the invitations, wedding invitations never usually mention the food (usually just a space for dietary requirements) but that is done now.

Your daughter absolutely has a right to a vegan wedding and the guests who are refusing to come because they potentially won't like the food are being completely unreasonable and don't sound much like friends to me! Why on earth would they chose not to come and celebrate such an important day for their friend just because they might not like the food?? What horrible selfish people.

Your daughter should stick to her guns and have her vegan wedding. I can completely understand her not wanting to pay to provide food she feels is morally wrong! I can imagine just how uncomfortable it would make her to provide so many meals of animal produce, she should be enjoying her wedding not feeling uncomfortable.

I'm sorry but you are being unreasonable to be annoyed at your daughter. Let her have the wedding she wants, it sounds like it has weeded out the fair weather friends anyway "I'll only attend your wedding if I like the food" what horrible people.

[PurpleDaisies]

Most people provide a vegetarian option of required. Why can't your daughter do the same? It may not the be the meal, but more having others principles forced on them that's annoying guests.

It isn't the same. People don't object to the killing and eating of vegetables in the same way that then do animals (I am a meat eater).

[MrsJoeyMaynard]

These guests are being extremely rude to refuse an invitation because the food will be vegan.

I know some people who think a proper meal must include meat, but missing meat out for one day is hardly going to kill anyone. They could always stuff themselves silly before the wedding or hide a pack lunch in the car if they're that worried about the food.

[cansu]

She should not change her plans. If I was her I would send them all a short note saying she would love them to come but if they are not able to do without meat for this meal then she will understand their decision. The ball is then in their court. I would refuse to discuss it after this. They are acting like arses and it may well be an empty threat. Make sure she gives them a short cut off date to indicate their decision by.

[DoItTooJulia]

Ah, your poor dd. What a bunch of arse holes she knows!

In your shoes I'd be telling her that these people aren't friends and let's rejig the wedding so that its smaller but full of people full of love!

[londonrach]

As a guest i wont be looking forward to the food. Ive tried vegan food before and it has left me cold, totally different to tasty vegetarian food. However alot of wedding food never tastes good be it normal food anyway. You dont attend a wdding for the food. However this wedding isnt about the food, its about your dd getting married and wanting to share this special occasion with her family and friends. The guests who have declined are being unreasonable and quite rightly shouldnt come if if they cant see that. With your dd on this! Its her day.

[DaveCamoron]

I'm not a fan of vegan meals so yeah I wouldn't look forward to a vegan meal.

[PurpleDaisies]

But would you refuse to come to the wedding dave?

[DaveCamoron]

I've already said I'd attend.

[Kariana]

Please tell me this is some sort of joke.

If not your daughter has invited a lot of strange and rude people to her wedding.

[mistyclouds]

Sorry but if I was a guest I'd be dreading the meal, I'd come to be polite but the meal would put a slight dampener on the occasion

This is really making me lol, get a grip!

[NoCapes]

What PurpleDaisies said
OP why are you so involved?

[MumOnACornishFarm]

Your poor daughter! I cannot imagine refusing a wedding invitation that I would otherwise be delighted to accept, simply because the food wasn't to my liking. If it was the other way around, and vegan guests were refusing to attend because other people would be eating meat, it's very obviously unreasonable. I think it's safe to assume that these guests don't eat exclusively meat, so tgey'll survive a dsy without some flesh. They're being unbelievably unreasonable and hurtful! If I was you I would stand by your daughter, it's her wedding day, and I would be doing my best to quietly smooth feathers in the background. But ultimately if they don't come they don't come. Their loss. But they risk hurting your daughter and damaging their relationship with her, and you too by extension.

[PurpleDaisies]

Sorry dave I missed that. I was expecting that you would...I think it is very unusual that lots of guests would not come to a wedding just over the fact it would be vegan food.

[PurpleDaisies]

Where is the fiancé in all this?!

[DaveCamoron]

Have I committed a crime by admitting that I'm not a fan of vegan meals? I'd suck it up as I said upthread so if I can do it why can't other guests? Although I guess some people really hate being told what they can/can't eat.

[Caper86]

My veggie friend was invited to a wedding with a hog roast and asked to bring her own veggie food because they weren't supplying a veggie option! It meant there was absolutely no way she could eat the food on offer. At least in this instance people can eat whatever is being served, nobody is going to be left out. If they feel that strongly about not eating meat for one meal why don't they put a ham sandwich in their bag?!

[inlovewithhubby]

You don't have to look forward to the food, you look forward to being party to the celebrations. Jesus.

Op, I don't think you were unreasonable to plant the seed of vegan food on the invite, if your family are having a mardy now imagine what an awful row they'd have kicked up on the day if they'd come. If I were your daughter I'd politely accept the declined invites and either invite additional good friends or spend the extra cash on some really nice bubbles for the toast or something else your daughter would appreciate. One of my friends had a wedding for 25/30 only (work friend, didn't make cut) and she had a fabulous time with only close friends and family. They just spent a shitload on the wine and food. No hangers on or duty guests in sight.