To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

[Mummyme1987]

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

Witches I could have ignored it, and probably should have, but I replied saying that that was absolutely fine with me, as I'd never want to walk down the street with a Neanderthal knuckle-dragger like him

Sooo glad you replied.

Ohtheholidays is it so awful to ask if you stick up for yourselves? I asked because some of the things being done are TERRIBLE! I'm shocked about that, but equally shocked at the implication that the poor op never says anything to these people, it sounds like she just lets them do it. My apologies if this isn't the case. Of course no one should have to as you said. But people can be shits, in any country any culture from any walk of life and no one will get anywhere if they don't at least say "Er, excuse me, you just shoved me out the way". I was standing waiting for a lift with my toddler a month or so ago, didn't hear a guy come up behind me on a mobility scooter, he shouted at me to move sideways to let him on as "don't you know I can't bloody turn corners@, I apologised and explained a) not psychic, didn't hear him come up, b) I'm ignorant about asda mobility scooters and wasn't aware he was unable to turn corners. I politely said next time it will help if you ask nicely for a person to move. Anyone can be nasty, but a nice and gentle explaination can go a long way.

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work.

You were in a car accident, which, presumably, you couldn't have had avoided. If at all, they'd have to blame people who drive drunk for being a drain on society.

But of course it is easier to blame a woman in a wheelchair - there's this guarantee she won't get violent, which you don't have if you argue with drunk men over whether they should drive a car ...

I do say stuff Toomany but often by the time I shout that person is long gone. Striding off into the crowd. I'm often not even sure who it was sometimes as its behind my back. It's not quick to turn around. I often shout hey, but cant direct my comments unless I can see who it was. I'm not some shy shrinking violet but as with any attack or incident it's not always easy to react straightaway. Some days I just don't have the energy for it. It often ends with abuse anyway. I do say stuff to shop assistants. In fact so does my wonderful dh.

Also Toomany I'm a considerate person and would never expect people to let me push in. Wasn't before and I am not now either.

Wasn't a pusher in and not one now

And I just let them do it?
How do I stop them toomany? Victim blaming again. How do I stop people coming up from behind where I can't see them and moving me? Even with brakes on it happens, so tell me do I shout at anyone who comes near? Electrify the handles? Please do let me know.

I don't have any immediate family disability, although my DBro had to use a wheelchair in the last year of his life last year (brain tumour). It suddenly struck home that when a person is sitting down and everyone is standing up and moving around eg out shopping, in public areas, they do become "invisible" just because they are physically not in line of sight. And everyone is moving quickly doing their thing and can easily lack empathy for that person, it is awful.

Now I am really aware of this because of DBro, and try to at least acknowledge, smile at and hold doors open, hopefully without patronising. Very difficult, I never know if I'm doing wrong or right but I try to do something.

Been trying find a local pool to go swimming I'm london so thers about 4 could go. All "need" 24h notice if I want use hoist to get in pool. Needless say I don't know if I'm going to be well enough so no swimming. You think in 2016 not 1916 make sure all staff know how use equipment and where the key is.

I still can't get into third local shops (west London not country village) Noone wants my money! I given up trying get a bus always packed after I've waited 5 bus in row still all have pushchairs I've given up. Who's got hours to wait for off chance no pram or people standing so room.

I replied saying that that was absolutely fine with me, as I'd never want to walk down the street with a Neanderthal knuckle-dragger like him.

round of applause for Witches

That's shit Akire, our local pool is fab. Holds disabled sessions that don't need notice.

Mumsnet start a campaign ? Raise awareness ?

Have you seen the 'benefit bashing' on here ? Until someone like Mummy explains her situation, and you get resounding cries of "oh, but we don't mean people like YOU".

Its all relative. No-one gives a crap really. Too busy trying to get by in their own lives.

Its very sad, but until the government stops demonising people it wont change. People fell hook line and sinker for the rhetoric.

They still do. Unemployment is at some of its lowest figures but you still have all the awful programmes on tv, stories in the news etc. Even programmes now about 'How to get a council house'.

It divides people. Its not right and its not fair.

Welcome to David Cameron's Big Society.

My Dad had both legs amputated and used a wheelchair. When he had a manual one he used to get people moving his chair. When he got his power chair if anyone tried it they'd end up running backwards rather quickly! He also once went full pelt for a stack of tins of chocolates that were blocking the aisle in Woolworths one Christmas. Quality Street everywhere. When people treated him like he was stupid he used to say 'I've lost my legs not my brain'.

I'm a teacher and as I result of both of my parents' experiences with disabilities I've introduced disability awareness lessons into the pastoral work we do at school. It's sad that people need to be taught how to be thoughtful.

And I will say my dh works, so not on low income benefits. Disability benefits aren't income related. I worked full time before my accident so paid in to the system. Not that it should matter.

Got a mortgage too! Lol

Oh, I'm so sorry, Mummy I was trying to provide an example. Hope I haven't offended you.

The message regarding Disability Benefits still isn't fully understood by some though.

Sorry again.

You can say benefits on here and pps think 'lazy, unemployed dosser'. Not always the case.

Oh ffs it's not victim blaming, you said they've moved you out the way, that's outrageous! It sounded like you let them do it, from your wording. as I said, my apologies for misconstruing!

Mrsvamos I wasn't having a go. I was trying to educate anyone reading so they can see that disabled doesn't equal low income benefits. Trying to get the point that I was working with a mortgage and just like most people. Then shit happened and that could happen to anyone.

The problem is Disablity training isn't important I took my visiting sister and bro in law put to dinner over Easyer to my local Harvester big chain ok facilities for my chair. However staff training again really spoils it

I ordered my meal then she turns to sister on opposite of the table to ask "does she want her fries large or medium" my stunned sister said er it's her dinner and waitrose gen asks me. I mean why oh why. We then had problem with my meal where they had run out so served the 2 on my table not me the manager then comes over to aplogise then spends whole time saying sorry to sister and bro law on opposite side of the ta me, happily eating their meals. Despite me asking excuse me I'm here can you talk to me face to face In A third party tone about my own bloody food!

I mean 30 years ago it must have been novelty to see disabled people out but can't believe we are such a shocking site and u usually event we can't be spoken to like normal human beings.

Toomany apology accepted but it is not possible to stop people doing it as the handles are behind you.

Mummy I know you weren't. My DH worked for 40 years until he had his life-changing accident, leaving him with disabilities, and unable to work.

Mine are life-long, but we never envisaged what our life would become.

Until it does happen to some people though, there are those that will NEVER 'get it'.

Don't/can't/wont accept that it CAN happen.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Me either mrsvamos. Not even my ex.

We need more snappy comebacks. Anyone?

Some of my comebacks.

When people that have no blue badge and are using the sodding last disabled space to chat on they're phone or have a picnic,yes really.

I tell them if they want the space they can have my sodding disability to go with it,funnily enough none of them ever take me up on the offer and they move pretty sharpish out of the space then.

Another one if someone is staring at me,I go carry on looking I'll jump up and do the can can in a minute it's always adults and I can hear them talking about what must be wrong with me.

Another one(for when people are staring and discussing what must be wrong with me) Oh My God have you let me come out without my top on again you rotten sod,said to my DH who then nearly choked to death on his drink when I said it He's banned me from using that one again unless I check he's not eating or drinking that or I have to give him a warning before hand.

I usually use "I'm deaf not stupid" with this expression