To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

[Mummyme1987]

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

Reading this daily fail.

Wtf holidays!

That sounds major creepy

Sounds like you had a lucky escape Holidays xxx

It was very creepy and I was very lucky.xx

I just hope the response he got was enough to put him off targeting anyone else.

And I agree with what you said about the Daily Fail Mummyme.

Daily fail and the government.

I'm astounded at the level of ignorance and lack of basic humanity that is out there.

We need a thread for fantastic comebacks everyone can practise in advance, including the able bodied looking out for this sort of thing...

Need ACleverNN "well she doesn't look deaf"

WTAF? What is "looking deaf"?! Oh I wish I'd been there to cross-examine him!

This is an eye-opener of a thread for me, I honestly had no idea that in this day and age so many people act like this towards people with a disability.
And I say that as a woman who was born without my right hand, and so have had what I thought was my fair share of being stared and pointed at, whispered about.
Clearly, I have got off lightly!
I would never dream of talking over someone in a wheelchair, or moving them out of the way, how rude.
holidays sounds like that man who pushed you away at the farm had some mental health problems.

I dunno...

The worse incident was a woman who was with a man who was blind and had a stick. She actually got his stick and whacked me with it to make me move. When I turned round and said "sorry I didn't hear you" she shouted that I shouldn't have been so bloody ignorant and led her friend away. I was too embarrassed to say anything back

I suffer from mental health problems. Am unable to work at present. Generally I look "normal" . The difference in treatment from people if they know I have mental health issues is astounding. Mainly talking to me as if I am thick or don't understand basic concepts of self-care. Because obviously people only have mental health problems through their own stupidity and lack of effort...

Absolutely disgusted with what I'm reading.

My DH and I both have 'invisible disabilities' and completely empathise with some pp's.

I also blame the government, Mummy.

I walk with a limp and sometimes use crutches to assist me. Parents think it is funny to allow their children to "try out the stick for fun!" Also, I do mind the staring and no I don't want to educate your little darling about my disability while I'm attempting to do my grocery shopping.

I usually don't admit being deaf until I know someone well. It's pathetic but people do treat you differently. I've had people laugh when I say I'm deaf-they think I'm joking as I 'don't look deaf' apparently. How hilarious .

Maybe this thread will help some people to think a bit about how they react to disability.

A thread of comebacks! I love it!

I often think of one hours later

One I thought of hours later was after I had been ignored at a checkout.
Wow I'm really glad my cloak of invisibility is working. I was really worried I had been conned on eBay.

Mummy

I must admit I've used the 'mn' comeback/put down on occasion. It does work.

"I'm sorry, did you mean to be so rude/such an ignoramous" (insert as required) can work quite well.

Mummy

I'm pinching that. I sometimes think it's so ingrained you have to be direct for it to work

Yy, exactly.

My friend who uses an electric wheelchair has a stock answer for anyone talking to the person she's with and not her, 'Oi, it's the legs that don't work, not the brain!' - it's amazing how astonished the ignorant twats look when she pipes up (quiet, she's not ).

Oh, Iike the cloak of invisibilty one!

I have dabbled with online dating, and can honestly say that's the only time anyone has 'said' anything rude to me. I guess it the old 'cowardly hiding behind a screen' syndrome. Though why anyone would feel the need to insult someone they have never met or talked to is beyond me.
Anyway, one sad excuse of a man sent me a message out of the blue saying that 'people like me' shouldn't be allowed on dating websites, and that he would be embarrassed to walk down the street with me.

I could have ignored it, and probably should have, but I replied saying that that was absolutely fine with me, as I'd never want to walk down the street with a Neanderthal knuckle-dragger like him.
Childish. But it felt good

Is anyone else thinking that Mumsnet could help to raise the profile of the discrimination that people with disabilities face?
I've been shocked and saddened by these posts but feel rather helpless to improve matters for you guys.
What can we do?
We can make a point of speaking to our own employers perhaps and discussing facilities and accessibility.
We can lobby our local shops and restaurants.
But most importantly , we need to change people's mindsets don't we?
How can we do that? Any ideas?

Until the media start showing being with disabilities as the norm and being treated as normal people, nothing will change

Sorry you're going through this, OP. My mother was briefly in a wheelchair after surgery a few years back and she couldn't believe how vile some people were to her whilst she was in it :(

It always amazes me that some people don't realise that that could so easily be them - a car accident, a bad fall, a growth on the spine, a stroke... It is to be hoped karma never teaches them that lesson!

'Until people realise we are mums, dads, sisters etc, ie just people like them then nothing will change. And that at any second it could be them.

I would love mumsnet and the lovely mumsnetters to help raise awareness of these issues. Nobody has said I'm being unreasonable once they have read what it's like.