To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

[Mummyme1987]

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

I am so sorry that you are having this kind of stupid and unkind treatment. Having spent two weeks in a chair when I had a foot operation I had such a negative time - dragged around to be 'got out of the way' for seemingly more important people when in a shop, talked over, whacked on the head by people passing with handbags.
Sitting in a chair does not make you a lesser person, or remove your brain, or indicate that you are a drain on society. Sadly some people in
life are ignorant and rude, and have no empathy with others. A friend was crippled with arthritis and in a chair, and her sister, who was attempting to wheel her into a shop and meeting with such negative comments from the owner, finally exploded and told the woman 'She used to be as fit as you - and don't forget you haven't lost your chance to be like her'. That might be worth a try. Don't get down about these comments - easily said but morons cannot be allowed to spoil your outings.

My ED uses a wheelchair due to a chronic pain condition. What you said in your original post is so very familiar, sadly. You should hear how people talk to her when she is out and about, which isn't very often. Once we were in poundland and the shop assistant was so patronising "heres your change, dear" etc in a very slow way. I wanted to scream at them "she has A* in her A levels, including physics and maths ffs!" But I didn't as it would have upset her.
We haven't experienced the car parking thing yet when she uses her blue badge, but no doubt that will come.
People do tend to talk to me and not her. Once was when visiting a uni the chap showing us around spoke to me about it and not her! I did say that time it was her going not me.

I really sympathise with everyone's comments. Radio 4 has a programme about disability called 'does he take sugar' - sums it up really.

I have been a wheelchair user for some time and agree the 80/20 rule. Unfortunately the 20% can make you so angry, I am in a wheelchair so.......................... I must therefore be brain dead from the neck up and paralysed from the waist down!!!!!!

I can stand up and with some difficulty, move a few paces, but that is all I can do. However, using a wheelchair means I have strong arms. I was in a lift in my wheel chair, and a person helped me out before the doors closed, so I said thank you. My wife was with me and she is 67 (I am 65). Due to my arm strength, I am able to stand up and help my wife lift the wheelchair into the boot.

I will not repeat exactly what the person who helped me with the lift door said when she witnessed this, as it was so unpleasant, but it made me very angry, because my wife burst into tears. Unfortunately in brief she blamed me for being a sponger and my wife an accomplish to fraud.

I do not blame her, it is just the tabloid press and the racist, homophobic, and bigoted Daily M and other tabloids, that creates this prejudice against minority groups including the disabled.

So much for the evil behaviour you're all subjected to you when you go out being illegal. I hope that what you've all written on mumsnet will help change this 'does he take sugar?' and worse behaviour. The comment by you, 'ohtheholidays' was the most moving. I'm going to pray that you stay alive and at least as active as you are now so that you are around as a rock for your children growing up. There's a poem that is an effective prayer (hope that's allowed): I am their guard against all danger, their door against the wind and snow. Tho whom a woman laid in a manger, take me not till the children grow.' It's by kathleen Tynan

Totally get where you're coming from. I have MS and am an occasional wheelchair user. People seem to think that wheelchair users are only people who need them all the time, anyone else is a faker.

I heard someone mutter "it's a fucking miracle" when I got out of my chair once.

Bottom line is, people seem to think they need to be constantly vigilant and on the hunt for 'fakers' and disability frauds. They don't need to be, it's none of their fucking business.

Sorry, typo: should be thou not tho

I think I must have been incredibly lucky not to suffer the same shit that some of you have. I've been a wheelchair user for 4 years due to chronic illness, and apart from the invisibility cloak, I haven't really experienced any of this. I'm not saying this to gloat or because I don't believe anyone; perhaps I'm just such a bitch that I don't notice it 😉

What does seriously piss me off is when people park on dropped curbs. Seriously drivers - look at where you are bloody parking!!! You do not need to park outside a shop so you can "just pop in". I can't pop anywhere. My bloody great electric chair needs the metre of flat curb that you just parked on in order that I can get into town.

I want to get these two shirts to wear - hopefully they would offend 😉

The worst I have experienced personally was at a friends confirmation in a cathedral. I was looking after her young son who has disabilities and uses a wheelchair. A member of the clergy pointed at friend's son and ordered me to....
"Move THAT",
" Quickly the Bishop is coming".
I don't think I have ever been more angry.

Going back 30 years to when I was at school we were all expected to spend a day in a wheelchair, wear different glasses to simulate different visual problems and ear defenders to simulate hearing loss. It is one of the reasons I chose to be an OT. It is a shame this is not done routinely now.

Kitkat!! Love the T Shirts but,
Free parking!!
Good luck with that one.
Our NHS Trust even charges Blue badge holders now

Free parking is long gone here too.

I have had the 'but you are too young to be disabled' thrown at me a few times. I have been disabled since I was 37,I am now 52. When has age ever had ANYTHING to do with disability?! I even had one man,about 5 years ago trying to make me give up my priority disabled seat on a packed bus,as 'I couldn't possibly be disabled at my age'. WTF!? And only a few days ago,I spent the entire tube train journey standing,between Baron's court and Heathrow (a 35 minute journey of 10 stops) as nobody would offer me a seat,priority or otherwise,despite it being fairly obvious I had a disability,using two walking sticks.They all pretended to be asleep,engrossed in a book or gazing,oblivious,out of the window. I was thrown about the entire journey and staggered off at my destination feeling thoroughly awful. Just why are people so rude and thoughtless?

Blimey I really am lucky. Our district council and the next two nearest bug towns all have free blue badge parking. I honestly didn't realise it wasn't like that everywhere. 😳

Mind you, lucky is relative. I'd rather have to pay for parking than use a chair 😕

And don't get me started on drivers who park across dropped kerbs! I may not be in a wheelchair (yet) but I struggle with high steps and there are some quite high kerbs around where I live,so I always try to cross at a dropped kerbs if possible. But of course if some knob end stupid person has conveniently parked their car across the dropped kerbs,I end up struggling. My son-in-law tells me it is not actually illegal to park there,but it is 'courteous' not to. Needs to be made illegal IMO.

I don't have first hand experience, but my 7 year old has CP and uses a kaye walker, occasionally a chair. It hurts my heart that she will go through all these things you are talking about but I'm trying to teach her well, to expect and how to deal with all this.

I see it, how they stare at her, how they treat her, she is completely oblivious and so very happy, but I see it, I see it all and it makes me want to scream. When children stare, I stare them out. When adults stare, I call them out. I teach her to be kind, to have courage, but sometimes I teach her to stick her tongue out at them 😊

She is bright and articulate and funny. She speaks well and you can see people be taken aback. Last week her class did an assembly we went to and she out performed every single kid on that stage - many of the other mums said so too. At this age she believes nobody will stand in her way and I desperately want to believe it too. She talks a lot about how she would do things differently for people like her. She tackles folk abusing spaces, she speaks up when there are no ramps or toilets, she does not let them get away with it.

I hope the world continues to change and that you all will face less of this shit. I can only hope with advocates like our girl for those with a disability, the world will see that having a disability isn't something to fear or stare at. If it is any consolation, her own generation seem to be taking it more in their stride, those kids include her just as they would any other.

TheWitchesoflzalith - Sorry to hear about your experience of on-line dating,but I think you were just incredibly unlucky. I can honestly say that in the 16 years that I have been disabled,I have not experienced any negativity from men in the romance/relationships area. Although having said that,I have deliberately kept away from on-line dating,preferring to meet/date people the 'old-fashioned' way. Maybe I have been lucky,but the guys who have approached me have all said the same thing - that my disability made no difference to them.

I became sick due to infection from c section when having my twin boys and had an old woman at our local Asda turn around and say that my boys couldn't be mine because I was in a wheelchair. Normally I would have told her straight but I had had a bad day with hospital Appts and what they told me and the welcome person at Asda who knew us told her what for and walked her out the door and told her she was banned from returning if she was going to be so obnoxious with her good customers.

I dont think it matters what disability you have you will always have people having a pop, unfortunately at the moment the tory government are trying to turn the whole world against the poor and vunreable and its making people bitter and i find that really really sad.

I know this can't even come close to how you must feel on a day to day basis, but I did get a small glimmer of what it must be like for wheelchair users.

When I was pregnant we had to go on a trip to London and because of my SPD I needed a wheelchair. We went into Harrods and I wanted to go to Laudree, there is no ramp just two or three steps down, so I stood up walked down the few steps and then sat down in the wheelchair again. The maître d came up to me and asked me "why I was using a wheelchair if I could walk" in a really nasty way. Plus the number of times people would tap cigarette ashes into my face was horrible. My husband was getting really angry at people, he use to ram the wheelchair into the backs of people when they wouldn't move after asking politely .

I am sorry for your everyday difficulties and can't imagine what it must be like dealing with horrible people everyday.

Until I had a child and had to go everywhere with a pram and then had a relative who now needs to use a wheelchair, I had no idea how hard getting around it is for disabled people. Whole areas, shops, tourist attractions are no go areas. Mostly, people have been very thoughtful when out with my relative who is in a wheelchair, but there definitely needs to be changes made in terms of accessibility and attitude. Maybe more needs to be done in our schools to educate kids about disabilities and then fewer of them will turn into ignorant adults. I think this also applies to a lot of other areas of life. Maybe less emphasis on SATS and more emphasis on emotional intelligence.

Nice Asda taking a stand. Wish this happened more. Mostly it's ignored by places.

Ignorance is rife. I actually jaw dropped that someone would randomly move someone in a wheelchair?! how could anyone think that is appropriate??!!

The whole 'anti-benefits', 'benefit fraud' narrative is definitely making matters worse for folks with disabilities. It reduces disabled people to what they 'cost' the welfare budget and encourages people to consider them a drain on the public purse and possibly fraudsters.

It fucking boils my piss.

So sorry you have to put up with this guys.

Oh yeah touching my chair is a huge no no.

I wrote a long ranting diatribe to our local elections office after finding our polling station to be non-accessible and having someone try to manhandle my (100kg) chair to show me how "easy" it was to get in.

Um....no. You wouldn't dare lay your hands on my person, so don't fucking put them on my chair. Or I may just "accidentally" reverse quickly into your nads.

I'm astonished beyond belief that people would move a wheelchair while you're using it. Baffling