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Original poster

To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

763 replies

Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 02:11

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

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ohtheholidays · 29/05/2016 12:09

I shall do it then Saturday Smile

Mummyme we have 5DC and 2 of our DC are disabled and I can see peoples minds clicking over,I get the oh those poor children look I bet they're disabled because they're Mum is.
In the past I had had people say you should never have had children if your disabled,I then take great pleasure in informing them that all 5DC came before the disability,the stand there doing they're Goldfish impressions whilst I finish off is that okay with you now Shit for Brains.I swear it's my DC fault they encourage me when someone starts on me(that's my exscuse and I'm sticking with it Grin )for having children and being disabled.

Some parents I know that are disabled are bloody amazing parents and do far more for they're children than some of my able bodied parents and vice versa being disabled or able bodied doesn't have to dictate what your like as a parent.

dentydown · 29/05/2016 12:13

I get it with my dad. People talk to me and not him. Luckily he says "well I don't really want to bloody talk to them anyway!"
We were out in town and a man tripped over him and landed on his lap "oh sorry I didn't see you there!".
On the bus, someone tried to park a buggy infront of him. It was one of the smaller buses so where was no space so they rammed the buggy against his ankles (he was saved by the footplates). Then they asked me if he could move his feet. ("no he's in a wheelchair, he cant)
Plus people keep grabbing the chair off me and wheeling him in random directions.

LustyBusty · 29/05/2016 12:20

I used to work (aged 16-18) in a family friendly chain restaurant (read cheap and cheerful, I was paid minimum wage). I'd done this one 12 hour Saturday shift waitressing and decided to grab a drink at the bar before heading home. Threw a jacket on over my uniform and headed to the bar. Lady in a wheelchair (that i'd served at the till an hour or so earlier) rolled up to the bar. I asked if she was ok, if there was anything I could hep with, the usual "I may be off shift but you're still a customer that may struggle" (same attitude would have applied of arm in cast, on crutches, arms full of small child etc etc). She asked if she could buy me a drink. I said thank you, but that's not necessary, just having the one. Oh, she says. In that case can I just say thank you for talking to me. I was a bit Hmm but she went on to explain the number of people that would ignore her, talk to her daughter, try to ignore the chair and end up saying stupid things that it was a delight to have someone address queries to her, and acknowledge that things (like ordering at a chest height bar) might be more tricky but to offer help in a non patronising way. I ended up chattering to her for a while, and it amazed me the level of crap this poor lady (and lots of you!) have to put up with!

AdrenalineFudge · 29/05/2016 12:54

People move your wheelchair so that you're facing the wall? Shock

CloneMeNow · 29/05/2016 13:16

I am a guide dog owner, and completely empathise with you OP. Different set of situations/incidents for me, but very similar underlying attitudes. It is a big deal. Gender and racial prejudice are better understood, I think - most people are completely unaware of the immense prejudices against disabled people.

Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 14:04

Yes adenalinefudge they do Angry if I'm in a lift or small space they will move me to get by, even if that means I'm facing a wall or corner. They don't say excuse me or give me a chance to move. Mostly I'm not actually in the way they just like doing it.

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Doobigetta · 29/05/2016 14:12

People move your wheelchair while you're using it?!?! That's one of the rudest things I've ever heard. What a set of cunts. So sorry you have to put up with that.

Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 14:17

Ohtheholidays, my eldest is autistic and has not much of a filter so she often replies for me. It seems that having disabled kids with a mum with disabilities is against people's views. Dd3 is a fighter too and can be quite assertive too. I feel she will need to be as she grows up. Sad world we live in. I'm sad that all you lovely people are having the same problems. I had hoped it was just local to me (very rural).

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Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 14:23

Yes all the time, like I'm a thing in the way. Like I'm not a human.

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Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 14:25

Often bashing my feet at the same time. It's often so quick I don't have time to react and shout. I think people think I can't feel my feet as I'm in a wheelchair

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AdrenalineFudge · 29/05/2016 14:29

I really can't get my head around that. It is beyond belief - I really hate that saying - but who are these people. I can understand why people would be reluctant to make eye-contact. When I'm out and about I tend to have my ear phones in and do my best to avoid close contact with anyone but to move your chair as if you are some sort of obstacle just fails me.

Toomanymarsbars · 29/05/2016 14:33

Why don't you stand up for yourselves instead of putting up with it? The restaurants are acting illegally talking to you like that.

StrangeLookingParasite · 29/05/2016 14:34

Jeez Louise people are fucking rude, and this yes we have sex, good god, do they actually ask? How excruciating, is if it's remotely any of their damn business, any more than it would be for any other random stranger you accosted in the street!

I will make an extra effort - though I pretty much always try to make eye contact with people in wheelchairs, I dunno why, just an acknowledgement, is it wrong?

NeedACleverNN · 29/05/2016 14:43

I don't use a wheelchair but I'm deaf with a hearing aid and still get treated shit.

The amount of times people have stood being me muttering excuse me and then getting cross I won't move is unbelievable. My dh pulls me out of the way (as I obviously don't hear them) and they sneer and walk by. My dh will often say "sorry she's deaf" to which they reply "well she doesn't look deaf" and stamp off!

Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 14:43

Yes they ask! Often in a jokey way but still expect an answer. We are newly weds so this seems to mean we can be asked!

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Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 14:45

I do stand up for myself (maybe poor choice of words!) but often this is meet with abuse. Sometimes it just isn't worth the abuse. The equality act and getting someone to actually do it are two very different things.

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Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 14:47

I'm always happy to be looked at if the person does it in the hi fellow human way not the look at that freak way. Please don't stop in case you upset someone

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AdrenalineFudge · 29/05/2016 14:47

Toomanymarsbars But it must be difficult to do so. In some of the examples I can see where someone should have stood up for themselves but it seems a lot of discrimination is implicit, a bit like racism many years ago - people would have no qualms telling you to fuck off because you're black or ethnic but these days it isn't so blatant but you can still feel it when you're being discriminated against.

Around ten years ago people would happily refer to me as 'half caste' (I'm mixed race) but these days they don't - I can see their minds ticking over as they work out that two people of different races fell in love and had me. I'm not saying it's exactly the same thing but it seems we're still rather behind in attitudes towards disabled individuals going from this thread.

Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 14:48

What I mean is you won't upset someone by just meeting my eye. Unless you point and stare obviously but just the eye contact smile and nod is perfect

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Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 14:51

It can just sap your energy too. Some days I just can't be bothered.

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Sunnsoo · 29/05/2016 14:53

I'm sorry about your experiences, op. Flowers

Sadly, you're right, 20% of people are just ignorant dicks, and nothing will change that!

I'm born in 1987 too! I presume you are from your nn?

ohtheholidays · 29/05/2016 14:57

Toomany are you for real?Have you not seen what we've all been writing?We do stand up for ourselves but the thing is we shouldn't bloody have to!We are human beings just like everyone else yet because our bodys don't work the way we'd want them to we are for some reason open to abuse in every form possible!

Mummy I hoped I was the only one that was physically moved in my wheelchair sadly I see I'm not.The first time it happend me and my DH were out with our 5DC at a childrens farm and a man there had kept giving me weird looks(he was really creeping me out)my DH was on a drop slide with one of our DC and the man started to wheel me off.I shouted at him(and swore at him)my DH came running and the man run off.He was not moving me out of his or anyone elses way!I was by a table that we had our picnic on.
A few other men and women cam running over and checked I was okay and a member of staff chased after him but he ran off out of the farm.

Getting targeted by someone who obviously wasn't safe to be around women wasn't a great experience and it did make me feel very vunerable for a while.

Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 14:58

Thank you Sunnsoo. I just choose a random date to be incognito as I was posting about my arse of a ex and the way he didn't invite the kids to his wedding. I'm older :(

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Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 15:03

Bet I've outed myself though with this post! Lol

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Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 15:04

Oh and if you are reading daily fail. Your newspaper makes it all worse and often encourages this behaviour! So fuck off

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