To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

[Mummyme1987]

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

The judgement has been 'held over' and it might be some months before the verdict is known.

Last time was about a month before the decision was released

Sounds v odd. No doubt thers some claw that they can change the law while waiting and it will not apply.

Sending big hugs Bishop.

I reacted to my meds again. So that's it with treatment I've tried everything. There's nothing left til something else is brought out 'probably' by the end of the year.
My RA hates me. I've also got fibro and raynauds (which has recently joined the party).
When I called the dept to tell them of my reaction I was told my consultant was away and they would be in touch when they'd spoken to her. Two weeks later I rang to ask what was going on. I was told they were 'happy' to wait til my appointment before i get a resolution. I may have have lost my temper and I said I was bloody ecstatic to wait in agony whilst trying to care for 2 small children . The consultant actually rang back a few days later apologising but there's no appointments available and she's at a loss to know what to do.
Feeling rather flat at the moment and still waiting to go onto PIP and scared shitless that I'm going to have to fight tooth and nail with energy I don't have to keep the motability car which is my utter lifeline.

Feeling shat on from all directions.

Hugs Brain xx if you need help with Pip form filling I can recommend fightback 4 justice. It cost £45 but are brilliant. I had no fight left in me at that time to deal with the dwp as well.

Brain sorry you are still in pain X there is lots of help re PIP but appreciate the stress of waiting to move. It's just one more letter dread alert isn't it.

In another thread today - immunocompromised people shouldn't go out - of course! Lives? What are those?

Yes I saw that why should someone with poxy child have to stay in for a few weeks which is totally inconvenient and not fair when people who's lives are already rubbish should stop going out altogether!

Wtf?

My other two dds got chicken pox when I was pregnant with my youngest dd. Although I had had it mildly before I got it again causing disabilities in my dd. That couldn't be helped as kids have to go to school but delibrately going out????

It nearly killed her before birth and she fought to live. She also has other genetic disabilities but it has had those much more severe.

I was ignoring it, but if someone has actually said that in as many words i'll go and have a read...

It's just common decency and sense. Sadly lacking in some people.

Tried reading the second wheelchair thread...... So it seems if we say

Wheelchairs takes priority this is bad because what about special needs buggy. Wheelchair users are being unreasonable and selfish.

When it's suggested that wheelchairs and special needs buggies are the same and of course should be allowed this is bad and selfish because what about parents who have to explain its not a pram. Wheelchair users are selfish it's unmanageable and therefore should be open to all.

Therefore if we try claim a space that's built for us it excluded a small group of SN buggies so open to all. Therefore by defiant we are the minority's that are exclude from shear numbers.

Has "chat" with someone yesterday in what I thought was reasonable conversation. (I type out on machine as speech effected) I asked him his name at the end he said Darren, so as social norms exist I then type my name as you do.....

My name being a different letter and as I'm a women not a mans name........He then shouts at me loudly no my name is Darren D-a-r-r-E-n!!! Why oh why! We had a normal conversation I had something to ask so press boy I hadn't appeared confused or lacking mental ability to understand. Why woulnt he think it was my name!!!

Wheelchair and communication must mean social norms such as sharing names don't apply and we can't grasp basic things like names.

YANBU, Op. I work with adults with learning disabilities and they way they are treated in public sometimes is disgusting. At a session, a man who was sitting down waiting for the card machine to work told them off for pushing in. I told him using my best death stare that they didn't know he was waiting as they had just walked in and maybe he should have queued properly. for all those who have had awful experiences.

Today I had an awful experience. I took 2 of my dds to get my dh a Father's Day gift, he's a chocoholic so we went to thorntons. Well I tried too. I had a large step. No way of my dds getting me up it, no way at all. No ramp or lift, no bell. Nothing. I'm sat outside feeling humiliated. A member of staff walks past me from outside (she had coffees on a tray so had been on a coffee run I guess) and then turns and says. Sorry we aren't allowed a ramp. Then goes in. Like that's enough. I felt like crying. Kids wanted to get dh a plaque with a message on. No where else doesn't them. In the end my dd took my card and went it but I really felt like not giving them any business but the dds really wanted it. I was very grateful to the mum who stopped saw the situation and offered to go in the shop for me. I'm hoping she's a mumsnetter. If you are thank you so much for offering.

mummyme1987 sorry that's shit. People don't realise how humiliating it is to be served from the street but as you experience most places don't even trip over themselves to do that.

They act embarrassed I do it at my local chip shop because it has 2 huge steps about 2 foot high straight onto busy pavement so never going be fixed but at least have decency to give you eye contact sbd come out.

Should be law if step to provide sign acknowledging lack of access, a bell at right height and training of staff! Not just hoping you go away.

Big chain should have ability train and sort though might be worth a look at self sue pack considering she was rude. Glad a mum helped you out xx

People are fecking stupid. Not the same level at all, but I have a chronic health condition and the stupid comments I get from people, even people I know who should know better.

I think a lot of people have no idea what it is like until or unless they 'walk in your shoes'.

Sorry if that was an inappropriate saying to use... I didn't realise until after I'd posted it.

No offence taken it's just a saying 😊

Hi Maggie not offense at all same with saying "see that" etc to blind person they are normal social sayings.

Guess chronic illness also get same kind of "this will make you better- have you tried" same rubbish as the rest of us! "I'm sure you could do it if you really *tried".

See the wheelchair bus thread still going, honestly it's amazing but hope people see discrimination we face.

I remember last time I went to cinema about 9y ago and first time in chair. Queue of people outside and usher let me in first - oh the looks - he comments and the states of hoe unfair it was!!!

Hello people there is just one zero one place in the whole cinema I can sit. It's a crap seat none of you would choose to sit on bottom level right to one side, honestly!!!

Still it was sense of me unworthy person getting tiny bit extra special treatment really got up some people's noses.

Incidentally have tried since to go to cinema in shopping complex but was told "due to equal opportunities" I coulnt buy a ticket before hand to the only disabled spot as it wasn't fair to other wheelchair users. I could buy a ticket and reserve any other seat!

I tried to explain that getting a taxi back in the evening on the off chance that I would be only wheelchair user there (and first on the queue) would be rather expensive and engery draining but they refused to budge. I've not been since! But this is kind crap we are just expected to put up with

Ours have three places so it works. But it's so stupid they won't let you book

Was thinking starting thread about what stupid things people say to us to go with things that people say to SN parents, but think this thread sums it up quite well already!