to be upset because strangers touch my baby

[ladybird8131]

It seems that everywhere I go with DD, strangers feel the need to stop, tell me how gorgeous she is and then - invariably - touch her hands/face/hair.

Today I was just outside of boots after meeting up with a friend. As I was putting my DD back in her pram an old lady stopped and starting making a fuss about how beutiful my baby was. I thanked politely, still trying to fasten the harness (sweating). She then said: "don't let her out of your sight!" I said. "of course not, I am very careful".
She went on, asking how old she was, whether I intended to have more children, because you know they would look beautiful....
I couldn't make out whether she was mad or genuinely friendly.
She carried on, even though it was clear I wasn't really interested in the conversation and was only replying out of politeness.
She asked how old I was and then.....while I was still adjusting the harness, she managed to slip her hand down into the pram and stroke my DD hair. Even though I was surrounding DD with my body (still adjusting the harness). While doing this she said: "Mommy doesn't mind"
I was fuming, but more so, I was agry at myself for saying nothing. Of course I did mind, so why was I unable to say so? It worries me that, in order not to offend a stranger (a lunatic maybe?) I allowed her to do something that I do not tolerate.

Why do people (strangers) think it is ok to touch other people's babies?

Is anyone bothered by this or is it just me??

LB

I am not a drama queen

Yeah right.

Yes, YABU.

There's a massive difference in strangers sticking their fingers in a baby's mouth to smiling at a baby and touching a hand or foot!

My DD is 11 and has beautiful curly hair and still gets people coming up to touch her hair and comment on it. Makes me really proud if I'm honest.

DD finds it all a bit weird but smiles and says thank you.

What a sad world it will be when everyone just walks along not interacting with anyone else. Sad.

ArmySal YES THEY DID!!!

I don't know if this makes any difference but my "babies" are now all adults and this obviously some years ago, but it made me as mad as hell at the time!
Perhaps nowadays more people are restrained in their behaviours towards other peoples babies but according to This slandGirl they obviously are not.

The finger in the mouth thing is all kinds of wrong!

YABU

One of the best bits of having s baby is being allowed to bestow their perfectness upon the world, my beautiful children are my gift to society. You're welcome!

At least, that's how I felt back when they were little, lol

If the finger in mouth thing is true (apologies for doubting) then yes, that is absolutely disgustingly weird.

Can't get worked up over a cheek rub or a stroke though, no harm intended.

Army Sal I blame Princess Diana for it
Thousands saw her on TV do it to prince William as a baby and despite the fact she was his DM decided that it was an okay sort of thing to do to stick your finger in a baby's mouth.

Interestingly, though when we were abroad with our dc's as babies, yes people interacted with them, made noises puled faces etc but no-one was overly "physical" with them, perhaps its a made British thing

Mad even!

Thinking about it though, Hazel, my own mother stuck her finger in my daughter's mouth when I told her I thought she was teething.

She did it immediately without washing her hands, I half screamed ''Nooo!'' (PFB)

Can't imagine a stranger doing it, I think I would have slapped her hands away.

I used to love it when people admired my baby DS and had no problem with people touching him, I never really understand people who feel this way, my cousin once had a big rant on FB about it and I was . So I think YABU but it seems you're not alone by the number of people agreeing with you up thread.

On holiday in Spain with 4 month old DS - waiters took him from our arms without asking and then vanished behind the bar where all the staff tickled him and cooed at him - AMAZING. We got 20 mins to eat without baby on our lap. It literally did not enter peoples heads that they needed to even ask - it is assumed a baby is a beautiful shared responsibility - not the 'posession' and burden of the mum alone. remember this works both ways and that is why people feel so lonely and alienated in this country on maternity leave, with mothers often spending 10 hour days alone.

Can you imagine the AIBU thread if that happened here. We live in a truly miserable country I sometimes think.

"On holiday in Spain with 4 month old DS - waiters took him from our arms without asking and then vanished behind the bar where all the staff tickled him and cooed at him - AMAZING. We got 20 mins to eat without baby on our lap."

Exactly! Ditto Madeira and Portugal - my little ones were feted and fuzzed over all the time.

fussed!

Maybe she is lonely. She is probably just intrigued and interested in new life and so bloody what if she let a few boundaries slip. A old lady stroked my baby's head in Sainsbury's last week. It clearly made her happy and it cheered me up to see that. Sorry but you are being unreasonably precious. Let it go.

know exactly how u feel. i hate it! its an invasion of privacy. xx

Having read subsequent posts from the OP saying that the old lady thing is irrelevant, what does it matter? As others have said, babies are designed to bring out tenderness and warmth in others, whether it is a young man, teenage girl or 3 year old child. That is something to celebrate.

Clearly if the person approaching reeks of alcohol, is high as a kite or in the grip of a psychotic episode, you need to make your own risk assessment but the vast majority of people are well meaning and harmless.

I was the same when my kids were small, I just instinctively hated strangers touching my baby. Why do people not understand that a parent is protective , if you saw a mare and a foal you would be aware of it when in a field so why assume humans are any different?

I also don't like strangers touching my baby. Nothing wrong with that. And I also find it difficult to ask them not to, so sadly it does happen every every now & again. I've just had to accept that it's unavoidable in my case.

I live in Greece where my blue-eyed, blonde-haired 18m dd has been routinely stroked, patted, hugged, poked and kissed by strangers of every age since she was born. She has yet to come down with a single cold or flu and is extremely sociable with everyone.

I have never had a problem with it (Im from UK) but dp who is Greek freaks out every time it happens. The media here are currently demonizing illegal immigrants especially those from Pakistan. A week ago a very filthy but extremely friendly Pakistani gentleman came over to fuss dd and even gave her a kiss on the cheek. Dp (who is a closet racist) almost fainted.

waterrat we went on holiday when our DCs were just a few months old. It was lovely to have the admiration from other - usually older - guests at the hotel. We got to eat breakfast and supper while other people cuddled them, a win-win situation.

We even (awaits the shock horror) went out for a short walk one evening while a guest minded them for us.

I've not RTFT but old and mad? God forbid an elderly lady stops to admire a child FFS.

Touching a child is not something I'd do but I may admire a lovely baby. note to self don't admire babies as you may be classed as weird on mumsnet

We travelled a lot when our 4 children were small. They are mostly all blonde haired and blue eyed except one who had blonde hair and brown eyes. In Greece, Portugal, Malta and Italy people touched and admired our children, (especially DD who had the brown eyes) I never felt annoyed at all. I can't believe how some people take offence at someone admiring their child. Put a big sign on your pram "DO NOT APPROACH" if you're that precious OP.

As we would say in my country....Jesus Mary and Joseph what is wrong with society. Where do I start. Research has shown that stroking babies is actually really good for brain development. I think it's nice "old people" realise this. Do you know what's wrong these days. Parents spend too much time talking on phones and worrying about nothing. I'm not even 40 but I'm old enough to remember a time when socialising children came naturally. It's at time like this I realise how lucky my children are. I must remind them in the morning.
I feel sorry for some people, really I do and it not the "old" dear.

my children are gorgeous.. obviously. and yes its a compliment when strangers say that..but to think that they can just touch, poke etc just makes my skin crawl. ive hated it. but same as ladybird been to "shy" to say anything. everyone has their own opinion. im new to this site but hell.. things get heated dont they? ha. x

This might sound patronising but I am always touched by older people fussing over DS. Some older people can be particularly lonely and I think if it brightens their day to give DS' hair a stroke then that's lovely!

Well... I'm not far off from being the "old dear" and I agree ... I do feel sorry for people with this insular life always labelling strangers as dirty, bonkers or bordering on paedophile. What a strange world we live in.

I've had people I don't know fussing over my kids and it was refreshing and helped me lots - I was a very nervous first time Mum and it made me think I must be doing something right.

What a shame all this has changed according to MN