to be upset because strangers touch my baby

[ladybird8131]

It seems that everywhere I go with DD, strangers feel the need to stop, tell me how gorgeous she is and then - invariably - touch her hands/face/hair.

Today I was just outside of boots after meeting up with a friend. As I was putting my DD back in her pram an old lady stopped and starting making a fuss about how beutiful my baby was. I thanked politely, still trying to fasten the harness (sweating). She then said: "don't let her out of your sight!" I said. "of course not, I am very careful".
She went on, asking how old she was, whether I intended to have more children, because you know they would look beautiful....
I couldn't make out whether she was mad or genuinely friendly.
She carried on, even though it was clear I wasn't really interested in the conversation and was only replying out of politeness.
She asked how old I was and then.....while I was still adjusting the harness, she managed to slip her hand down into the pram and stroke my DD hair. Even though I was surrounding DD with my body (still adjusting the harness). While doing this she said: "Mommy doesn't mind"
I was fuming, but more so, I was agry at myself for saying nothing. Of course I did mind, so why was I unable to say so? It worries me that, in order not to offend a stranger (a lunatic maybe?) I allowed her to do something that I do not tolerate.

Why do people (strangers) think it is ok to touch other people's babies?

Is anyone bothered by this or is it just me??

LB

I get this a lot with my daughter and son, especially in the supermarket it's always by woman, it doesn't bother me one bit as they are being friendly by complimenting my children, I always thank them.

The only thing that would worry me if men started doing it (I hope you understand what I mean)

Not to be rude, I think the comment "l'd like them to wash their hands" is a little....

Germs are just about everywhere and don't worry they aren't going to give your baby a virus.

FreshHorizons
A baby is a person with views of his own, at 9 months?? So if a strangers picks up your baby and the baby doesn't mind, they can take your baby home with them?

neveradullmoment75
I agree with not sterilising baby's things at this age. I suppose you still wash your baby's bowls/bottles/etc. More importantly, there is a difference between letting your baby crawl, eat cat food, etc (your decision) and a stranger touching/picking up your baby without permission.

People are always stopping to fuss over how beautiful my DD is. I fucking love it.

I admit I'm one of those mad old ladies. I don't have any of my own (not through choice) but I do admiring babies and chatting to toddlers. Just last week I was chatting to some primary school kids on the bus who were coming from the Zoo.

If a baby is awake and in a smiley, sociable mood, and the mother is clearly happy to talk about her baby, I will occasionally give them a finger to grab onto or maybe stroke their cheek. I'm clean and respectable. I'm an occasional smoker and won't do it after a cigarette (that's in the evening and/or down the pub normally, so at a time/place where babies usually aren't anyway.) I also won't do it if I'm ill.

Babies are cute and appealing. It's why mankind continue to have them. The vast majority of mad old ladies have no intention to harm a baby whatsover.

leelu66

Free to believe that the waiter didn't "marvel" at my baby, but that's not quite the point of the post, it is? You are just picking on my English here, and I did choose the word carfeully, I did mean "marvel" and I am not going to apologise for it or post a photo of my baby so that you can be satisfied that the waiter did indeed marvel at her. I could however put you in touch with the waiter in question and you can ask him the question directly. Again, not sure what my DD's looks or my English have to do with the original question.

Some women like being wolf whistled...it doesn't mean the rest of us should have to put up with it...some women like having their children fussed over. It doesn't mean the rest of us have to put up with it.

Unsolicited touching without permission is wrong.

The problem with society is that they don't recognise concepts about consent, and it's mostly girls and women who suffer for it

Now I really have heard it all. Yes, an older woman gently touching a baby's hair is exactly how rape culture starts

I presume you never changed your DC or strapped them into a car seat while they were crying, leadcrow? Because they clearly weren't consenting and that's the start of the slippery slope to gang-rape...

Nothing like a bit of ageism on a Thursday night.

When DD was tiny lots of people did this, particularly 60+ ladies. Some even kissed her. I may be in the minority but I loved it. I loved that people affirmed my belief that my DD was so so beautiful, I loved that people wanted to give her attention and cuddles. I was never bothered about dirty hands, and always kinda sneered at people who made others wash their hands before touching newborns.

And actually, I was un-narcissistic enough to realise that sometimes it's nice just to appease other people, even if they are strangers, and let them touch your baby. Obviously you use logic and instinct to assess that the person is safe. It may be the only contact they get with a human all day and you can see all the joy in their eyes. It is a good deed of sorts, and not detrimental to anybody, least of all a newborn. I honestly think people who post "fucking bitch TOUCHED my baby" are completely hysterical and can't bear the "my baby my rules" attitude.

However I know the OP is probably just being PFB and may feel differently in a year

Nothing like a bit of ageism on a Thursday night

Yes it's always older people who are the target of these threads. Because their elderliness is catching you know. Won't someone please think of the prematurely aged children?

An elderly couple who were definitely stalking us kept bumping in to me and my daughter round the supermarket the other week, chatted in every aisle because they thought she was so lovely and eventually ended in my turncoat sociable daughter throwing her arms out for a cuddle with the lady. I thought it was funny and quite sweet. Made doing the shopping rather slower than ideal mind!

You are being totally ridiculous!
The baby has a mind of its own in that if they do not want to be touched they will make it perfectly clear!
A baby doesn't put up with anything out of politeness, embarrassment or worry about feelings. Life is simple - they cry.
No mention was made of your baby being in distress. You are the one who didn't like it. You are the one who compared your baby to a dress.

I'm quite old and probably a bit mad sometimes, not a lunatic though, thankfully. I live alone, so I suppose sometimes I can be lonely, but your remarks about this woman, make me very glad I have no wish whatsoever to touch the head of other women's babies.

Very spiteful way to describe another woman OP: 'a lunatic maybe', what the hell's that about?

For fucks sake...

Thank you all for your comments, I have learnt a lot today.

The world would be a better place if we had more social interaction. It is the best possible start for a baby to be welcome in the community.

For some reason I doubt that, OP.

What do you think is going to happen if someone touches her - is she going to evaporate? Spontaneously combust?

You'd love me - I've never seen a baby I wanted to touch

Shinynewusername

I think perhaps you ought to read what people write more carefully, I said babies can't give consent. I said that at this early stage baby is an extension of mum, meaning if someone wants to handle or tough your child it would be the right thing to do to ask mum first.

And yes, anything done without consent is a slippery slope.

I don't even look sideways at babies now in case people think I'm a 'lunatic'

I loved it that people (some old, some young, some in between) thought my babies were beautiful. My babies loved the attention they got - why deprive them of that?

My blonde firstborn was always mobbed in Spain. She would disappear into the kitchen on the hip of one waitress and emerge later on the hip of another, looking very smug. The sweetest thing was when we were in rural Spanish bars having a snack or drink. The old boys sat at the bar in their hats and caps would appear to take no notice, but as we left, a hands would shoot out to pick a cheek, stroke her hair or press a wrapped sweet into her hand.

I do think it's a shame that we have to be so wary of interacting with babies out and about for fear of being taken for a lunatic, abductor or potential abuser. I think older people often just don't know the new rules.

I love babies, I want to coo over them all and touch their little faces. Thanks to MN, I now know that touching babies is likely to offend someone.

I never cared when people stopped to touch mine. I wouldn't have liked it if someone who was clearly dirty shoved their fingers in their mouths but that never happened. Mind you, I was the one who was passed her newborn 4 hour old baby around to a group of mums waiting to be induced in the maternity ward for a cuddle.

I think your English is perfect, OP, it was you who said it may not be right because it's not your first language.

The fact that you chose the word 'marvel' with great care suggests a level of narcissism, imo.

You keep referring to your original question as if you want people to ignore your subsequent posts?

I'd have more respect for you if you had just posted about how cute your DD is, rather than a posted clumsy stealth boast.

I loved the interaction of strangers with my baby. It brought home how blessed I was to be a mom at long last.
Me and my family are very tactile.
I can't understand why anyone would be offended by it.
To have your child admired by others has to be one of the best feelings in the world.

"hands would shoot out to pinch a cheek" - can't type on iPads.

You need to train your child how to bite them.

^this ;)

But I actually think the OP is right it's not on to touch a baby without asking.