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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset because strangers touch my baby

243 replies

ladybird8131 · 26/05/2016 17:28

It seems that everywhere I go with DD, strangers feel the need to stop, tell me how gorgeous she is and then - invariably - touch her hands/face/hair.

Today I was just outside of boots after meeting up with a friend. As I was putting my DD back in her pram an old lady stopped and starting making a fuss about how beutiful my baby was. I thanked politely, still trying to fasten the harness (sweating). She then said: "don't let her out of your sight!" I said. "of course not, I am very careful".
She went on, asking how old she was, whether I intended to have more children, because you know they would look beautiful....
I couldn't make out whether she was mad or genuinely friendly.
She carried on, even though it was clear I wasn't really interested in the conversation and was only replying out of politeness.
She asked how old I was and then.....while I was still adjusting the harness, she managed to slip her hand down into the pram and stroke my DD hair. Even though I was surrounding DD with my body (still adjusting the harness). While doing this she said: "Mommy doesn't mind"
I was fuming, but more so, I was agry at myself for saying nothing. Of course I did mind, so why was I unable to say so? It worries me that, in order not to offend a stranger (a lunatic maybe?) I allowed her to do something that I do not tolerate.

Why do people (strangers) think it is ok to touch other people's babies?

Is anyone bothered by this or is it just me??

LB

OP posts:
Roussette · 26/05/2016 20:56

And also OP, you say you are only looking after your baby's health and wellbeing... what the hell do you think someone like me is going to do to adversely affect your baby's health and wellbeing?
It is all very sad.

blue2014 · 26/05/2016 20:59

Im surprised at the people doubting the attention OPs baby gets being beautiful. My best friends son is stunning, when I looked after him people stopped me constantly to coo over him, honestly it was exhausting - after the millionth "oh he's so beautiful" and poking at him I could have hit them and I didn't even have to put up with it all the time.

Rainbunny · 26/05/2016 21:00

Roussette - You are perfectly entitled to want to touch and interact with any baby that you see but the OP is also perfectly entitled to feel uncomfortable it, particularly when the stranger didn't ask if it was okay first. Your posts come across strongly as "You are nice and right and OP is not nice and wrong." This isn't a right or wrong situation, it's about different people being comfortable with different levels of interaction.

I think that if you're in such a situation and not sure then err on the side of politeness and ask, that isn't too much to expect.

Adelecarberry87 · 26/05/2016 21:08

Wow you sound awful. The lady was most likely lonely and making polite conversation that you couldn't be bothered to participate in. She may live on her with own family living away and haven't spoken to anyone in days. Your op is ridiculous and quite frankly offensive to the lady. You sound as she was going to run off with your baby!

Often the elderly really enjoy seeing young children it's reminds them of their children when they were small. I often take my young children into the care home I work and the residents enjoy seeing them. There's faces light up.

I think you need to be thankful for what you got and appreciate the family you have one day you may find yourself a lonely lady in need of abit of company.

Roussette · 26/05/2016 21:10

And of course Rain I wouldn't dream of touching, or indeed even looking at someone's baby who gave out vibes that they didn't want that. Luckily, it does seem to be an MN thing and in RL most people aren't like this.

So ... no, I wouldn't just wade in and touch someone's baby, I'm good at picking up signs.

I just don't understand why it's such a bad thing. As pp's have said, babies thrive on interraction.

kali110 · 26/05/2016 21:11

Wow op you complain about people bashing you Yet you have bashed both the elderly and men Confused
Your posts have been horrible.
As for someone wanting to now steal your baby....? Words fail me!
You've had your ass handed to you because you deserved it.
Don't put a post up bashing loads of people and then complain when people pull you up on it.

Notonthestairs · 26/05/2016 21:12

Oh God I panicked a little when I read the title. I swoop in on my friends baby whenever I see her in the playground and was worried she had decided that enough was enough!

Babies will always communicate when they are unhappy and nothing in your post indicated anything other than you being unhappy and not your baby.

So this is your problem - not your DD's - doesnt make it less valid, just different. If you dont like it say so, politely but firmly. "She's got hand and mouth", "She's got a skin rash" or just "I dont like it". But speak up for yourself!

It wont be long before all those adoring faces twitch with irritation when your toddler is running around tripping everyone else up and shouting inanities (just my expereince [smile))

PinkyOfPie · 26/05/2016 21:15

OP rather than sulk about what meanies we all are because we pulled you up on some frankly unpleasant views and behaviour, how about actually thinking about what people are saying here. Socialisation is good for babies, people have explained why, so why not give it some consideration?

Boiing · 26/05/2016 21:15

I think it's basic mother instinct not to want a stranger touching your child. We were at the duckpond recently and walked too close to the baby geese and the mummy goose went crazy hissing at us to stay back, and I joked to DH: see, that's exactly how I felt when DS was little! Go with your instincts OP. And watch out if you suppress them... I was at a party when DS was 3 months old and a guy I didn't like (friend's new boyfriend) kept touching DS, and I could see DS didn't much like it but I felt that there was nothing I could say. So I politely said nothing. After a while, literally without a single conscious thought, my hand shot out and smacked his fingers away from my son. I'm not sure who was more shocked, him or me! (I'm usually normal, honest)

NotYoda · 26/05/2016 21:16

Boiing

I l;ack basic mother instinct. At least I lack the instinct to be upset if an old lady stroked my children's hair.

NotYoda · 26/05/2016 21:17

...and your example is different - you didn't like the man, your baby was upset

PinkyOfPie · 26/05/2016 21:21

I'm dreading growing old if the rate of unfriendliness continues this way.

Where has it come from?! I wonder if it's anything to do with the scaremongering of peadophilia etc

Roussette · 26/05/2016 21:22

Don't think it's basic mother instinct to not want this. I beamed with pride and loved every minute if someone touched my babies' cheeks and said how gorgeous they were because they were!

Chinks123 · 26/05/2016 21:26

I think it's lovely to be stopped and told your DD is beautiful, I still get it now she's a toddler (not a stealth boast) but she's a beautiful little thing- obviously I think so Grin and do get stopped to say she's pretty. An older lady walked past in the street and DD said hello to her and smiled. The lady said it had made her day. Something so so tiny had made her genuinely happy it was lovely Smile

Some people think it's ok to stroke a cheek/pat their head. And as long as they're not, you know..dirty or anything I'd allow it. If you don't want to that's fine she's your DD, but I just wouldn't rush to criticise and be mean about people that want to say hello to your DD.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 26/05/2016 21:27

It's your cross to bear OP, having a baby so gorgeous people drop what they are doing to go and fetch their mates to come at marvel at and old lunatics come out of the woods to admire her gorgeousness.

It's your job to protect this wonder from any ordinariness.

Or you can wake up and come live in the real world.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 26/05/2016 21:33

Why the absolute FUCK should people wash their hands before touching a nine month old baby?? Who on Earth do you think you are? Honestly. You're the one who sounds like a lunatic. And an unpleasant one at that. Best you don't post on mumsnet again- you hear too many home truths.

kali110 · 26/05/2016 21:35

boing your example is completely different.
Op has called one group of people old and mad, moaned about young men touching her child and then that a male waiter may steal her Hmm
so basically men are either all dirty or just looking for a chance to run off with op's magical baby.
Fucking vile posts.

PinkyOfPie · 26/05/2016 21:38

kali yes and the husband was "upset" in case the waiter took her.

Newsflash to people worried about waiters stealing their baby: they don't give a shiney shite about your sprog. They're being polite and good at their job. Probably hoping to massage your egos enough to pocket a good tip

FlowersAndShit · 26/05/2016 21:38

Get some perspective, seriously. She was probably just a harmless lonely old lady being kind and trying to make conversation - maybe her only conversation all week. Don't be such a stuck up cow, seriously.

One day you might be a lonely old lady, craving human contact and something as simple as cooing over a baby would make your day. I hope you look back on this and realise what is truly important in life. The more kind, loving people in a child's lives, the richer that child's life will be.

PinkyOfPie · 26/05/2016 21:44

The more I read these comments over again the more depressed I feel. Not all that long ago I thought that ageism didn't really exist, not in the way sexism does. But I've learnt lately that people really do see the elderly as nothing but a tremendous nuisance, not worthy of shining their entitled shows or that of their special snowflakes (sorry this hits a nerve, my dear grandad is 83 and if one more person looks at him like he's something on the bottom of their shoe when he deigns to speak to them I'm going to go spare).

shinynewusername · 26/05/2016 21:51

I lack basic mother instinct

I learnt mine from the geese, NotYoda. Sadly this led to several of my DsDs being eaten by predatory old lady foxes Wink

ArmySal · 26/05/2016 22:06

Marvel. Sweet Jesus. People are probably being polite and making small talk.

kali110 · 26/05/2016 23:42

pinky no, some people do, but i think they are just generally mean people in general!
Don't let it get too you.
I've honestly never been so shocked and horrified by an op's post before.

The fact that she's so shocked that people are being mean to her, whilst she's so horrible about others makes me Shock

Only1scoop · 26/05/2016 23:45

Bloody hell

An old lady got too near your baby and stroked her hair Shock

It's a bloody sad state of affairs

sandgrown · 26/05/2016 23:54

Nature makes babies look good and smell gorgeous so they will never be left alone. The lovely smell of a newborn' s head is nature's way of ensuring someone will pick them up and care for them. No surprise then that people want to interact with babies.