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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset because strangers touch my baby

243 replies

ladybird8131 · 26/05/2016 17:28

It seems that everywhere I go with DD, strangers feel the need to stop, tell me how gorgeous she is and then - invariably - touch her hands/face/hair.

Today I was just outside of boots after meeting up with a friend. As I was putting my DD back in her pram an old lady stopped and starting making a fuss about how beutiful my baby was. I thanked politely, still trying to fasten the harness (sweating). She then said: "don't let her out of your sight!" I said. "of course not, I am very careful".
She went on, asking how old she was, whether I intended to have more children, because you know they would look beautiful....
I couldn't make out whether she was mad or genuinely friendly.
She carried on, even though it was clear I wasn't really interested in the conversation and was only replying out of politeness.
She asked how old I was and then.....while I was still adjusting the harness, she managed to slip her hand down into the pram and stroke my DD hair. Even though I was surrounding DD with my body (still adjusting the harness). While doing this she said: "Mommy doesn't mind"
I was fuming, but more so, I was agry at myself for saying nothing. Of course I did mind, so why was I unable to say so? It worries me that, in order not to offend a stranger (a lunatic maybe?) I allowed her to do something that I do not tolerate.

Why do people (strangers) think it is ok to touch other people's babies?

Is anyone bothered by this or is it just me??

OP posts:

EveryoneElsie · 26/05/2016 23:58

YANBU.
Pregnant women, babies, kids, pets and the homeless are all public property as far as many people are concerned.

Orwellschild · 27/05/2016 00:52

happyis beautifully put. Quite right too.

softjellyjunglecustard · 27/05/2016 01:00

as long as they don't try and pick her up, I think it's lovely when strangers admire DD (now 2) especially if she can make them smile or laugh. I know we have to be really careful and stranger danger and all that but at the same time i encourage her to be friendly. once when she was like 9 months i was holding her in a garden center and an old couple came up and made a fuss (really really sweet people in their 70s) and the fella patted her on the bum. i didn't say anything because i believe it was so innocently done, but i did think, in these modern times, one day you might do that to the child of the wrong parent and end up on a list.

having said that, i'd never touch a stranger's baby without permission. it's a very personal thing i suppose. YANBU because it's not your fault if you don't like something.

shinynewusername · 27/05/2016 07:38

Pregnant women, babies, kids, pets and the homeless are all public property as far as many people are concerned

What a terrible society we live in, when people feel drawn to pregnant women, babies, kids, pets and the homeless.

srslylikeomg · 27/05/2016 07:50

had some elderly Asian ladies follow us round a supermarket staring at them

Pregnant women, babies, kids, pets and the homeless are all public property as far as many people are concerned

I HATE this stance, HATE it. It genuinely makes me sad to read about these mums who are bringing a new member of society up but not allowing them to be part of society. Why? Why so blimmin self absorbed and precious. I'm glad I don't know you lot in real life. Most Mums I meet are warm and lovely and generous with their babies. To be so uppity about OLD people and GASP waiters! touching! the! baby! Some of you should be ashamed of your behaviour, it reeks of prejudice.

Roussette · 27/05/2016 07:51

Yes shiny everyone should go round with our heads down, no interraction with our fellow human beings for fear of being labelled old, paedophile, lunatic or unclean. I do wonder what the world is coming to, honestly I do.

Everyoneelsie no of course you're not public property but you are out with the general public warts 'n all.

AFAIC I shall just carry on like I've always done which involves shock horror, occasionally chatting to strangers, sometimes touching a baby, patting the odd dog here and there and somehow or other, god knows how, I manage to do all that without encroaching on people's personal boundaries because I read signs, I ask, I smile and I move away if it's wrong timing or wrong person. Luckily most people out there aren't like this and it's a pleasure to interract with my fellow human being.

blueturtle6 · 27/05/2016 08:00

Different strikes for different folks, personally my dd loves attention and I have let some old lady strangers have a quick cuddle, they've been made up. Am on maternity leave so have more time to chat to older people these days whilst out these days.

PinkyOfPie · 27/05/2016 08:07

Me too Rousette I've never (knowingly) come across entitled narcissists when cooing over babies, I wonder if this preciousness is an "only on MN" thing. What miserable people on this thread getting uppity about people wanting to talk to them.

I think the attitude of the OP in subsequent posts show she is narcissistic (or at the very least ignorant) as she first wouldn't accept she'd done wrong with the "oh I bet in being flamed because I called my daughter beautiful" no, everyone calls their children beautiful. Then, rather than saying "yeah you guys have given me something to think about" she flounced because we had the audacity to call her out on her bad behaviour.

Because it's fine to be ageist and call a sweet old lady a lunatic, heaven forbid you call a young mum unreasonable!

DisneyMillie · 27/05/2016 08:19

I have a bit of a cold sore phobia so I hate the idea of strangers touching my children's face / hands just in case they have the virus and have recently touched their mouth. BUT - I am aware that this is my issue and when it happens I try and be polite and just wipe the touched area after unless there's obvious sores on display.

I'm much more relaxed with my older dd now she's bigger (I think I'm a bit of a worrier about things when they're tiny).

OP would have had a fit on my last holiday to California when a small group of Japanese tourists decided they all wanted their picture taken with my dd(then 4) and were picking her up and carrying her around. (I was stunned into submission and just stood there as they hadn't asked?! I think it must have been because she's very pale)

Buttwing · 27/05/2016 08:20

Ridiculous, people are genuinely being NICE!

Stop being so bloody precious you'd soon moan if someone said "Jesus that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen" people are congratulating you on your beautiful baby.

Wait til you get to dc4 I used practically throw him at anyone who came close so I could have a break for a minute.

MassiveStrumpet · 27/05/2016 08:27

I love babies and make a fuss over them in public. I want to hold them and kiss the tops of their fuzzy little heads. But I don't. Instead I beam at them and talk to them and tell the parents how beautiful their baby is. If the parents seem happy about the attention I may touch the baby's foot/shoe whilst cooing at them.

That's as far as I go!

DurhamDurham · 27/05/2016 08:29

It never bothered me, I was always happy when people stopped to have a look at my babies, they invariably touched their hair or hands. I lived down South at the time but when we visited Durham it seemed every time we set foot out of the house someone was pressing a coin into their hands, it's seen as good luck and ensuring a life of prosperity that didn't work out so well, I always felt a bit aghast at the dirty coins but I smiled away and had a chat, and then just got the baby wipes out after they'd gone.

Roussette · 27/05/2016 08:31

MassiveStrumpet that's exactly what I do too. I don't encroach or force myself onto babies but often touching the babies foot or the top of his/her head is fine and never ever has anyone pulled away because of touch. I loved it with my DCs and it seems most Mums out there do too.

HazelBite · 27/05/2016 08:49

I hate, hate, hate, people who feel the need to touch, tickle, pick up and pass round babies when they have not been invited to.
I remember someone dropping fag ash on Ds1 when he was in his pram as they tickled him Urgh
Ds2 (an extremely gorgeous wee soul) would shriek if anyone strange touched him
As for the twins, well they were public property and the poking was accompanied by insane questions like "Are they twins" (no of course not, why would two children who are an identical size, who look exactly the same, and dressed in the same clothes, be twins?)

srslylikeomg · 27/05/2016 09:19

You know Hazel they were just being polite. It might reassure you to know that no one really gives a shit about your kids. There are literally billions of them so yours aren't special.

suzu1982 · 27/05/2016 10:44

I have no problem with ppl talking to ds, complimenting him or anything like that, but no one gets to touch him without my or dh's permission.
It's not about being precious, or over sensitive, it's about the parents personal choice. If you don't mind your child being touched then good for you, but why attack the ppl who do mind?
At what point do you start teaching your children about "stranger danger"?

Hodooooooooor · 27/05/2016 10:53

Your child isn't a possession that you own. Stop treating them like china dolls.

heyhulahoop · 27/05/2016 10:58

I love people chatting to my baby! I don't think anyone has tried to touch her, I'm quite surprised it's happening to you so often. However if someone stroked her cheek or whatever I don't think i'd be THAT bothered.

Does remind me of that bit in catastrophe though "can you take your nicotine stained fingers out of my baby's mouth please?"

MissHooliesCardigan · 27/05/2016 11:08

These threads depress the hell out of me. As others have said, it's instinctive to be drawn to babies, to smile at them and, God forbid, stroke their hand or their hair. Babies can't 'give consent' but they're pretty good at letting you know if they don't like something. When DS2 was a baby, he had big blue eyes and a mop of blonde ringlets - he looked like a little cherub (shame he didn't behave like one) and he was often patted/stroked/tickled by random strangers. He's an outrageous flirt and loved every minute.
As for 'stranger danger', that's what you teach children for when you're not there. And, sadly, the vast majority of abuse isn't committed by strangers, it's by someone the child knows.
Maybe someone should invent some kind of force field or electric fence for people like the OP to put round their babies.

RestlessTraveller · 27/05/2016 11:10

You have come across here as precious and rude in the way you described the lady. Perhaps you didn't mean to be, I hope not.

HazelBite · 27/05/2016 11:12

srs I would have preferred people not to give a shit about my kids!
But why did one particular woman (when I was waiting in a queue to pay) think it was perfectly acceptable to stick her finger in my baby sons mouth, sorry it is not acceptable!
Neither is it acceptable to stand in front of a double buggy when you are walking down the street to poke two sleeping babies awake cos "aw aren't they cute"

Its the prodding , poking and generally getting right in their faces that I find so objectionable

ArmySal · 27/05/2016 11:26

Hazel they blocked your path as you were walking, to physically poke your sleeping babies?

And a woman actually stuck her finger in your son's mouth?

Sure.

IrianOfW · 27/05/2016 11:34

The ourageous old biddy! How dare she be nice about and interested in your baby? Tsk!!

Then you wonder why society in this country has no time for small children - it isn't allowed to!

ThisIslandGirl · 27/05/2016 11:36

ArmySal, why is that so hard to believe? A woman put her fingers in my baby's mouth the other day, it's not on. If people want to admire your baby, fine, but you look with your eyes not with your hands.

ArmySal · 27/05/2016 11:41

The same kind of situation, ThisIslandGirl, an absolute stranger stuck her finger in your child's mouth, for no reason?

I find it utterly bizarre, yes. Touching a cheek, head, foot, yes.

Finger in mouth? Not so much.

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