to be upset because strangers touch my baby

[ladybird8131]

It seems that everywhere I go with DD, strangers feel the need to stop, tell me how gorgeous she is and then - invariably - touch her hands/face/hair.

Today I was just outside of boots after meeting up with a friend. As I was putting my DD back in her pram an old lady stopped and starting making a fuss about how beutiful my baby was. I thanked politely, still trying to fasten the harness (sweating). She then said: "don't let her out of your sight!" I said. "of course not, I am very careful".
She went on, asking how old she was, whether I intended to have more children, because you know they would look beautiful....
I couldn't make out whether she was mad or genuinely friendly.
She carried on, even though it was clear I wasn't really interested in the conversation and was only replying out of politeness.
She asked how old I was and then.....while I was still adjusting the harness, she managed to slip her hand down into the pram and stroke my DD hair. Even though I was surrounding DD with my body (still adjusting the harness). While doing this she said: "Mommy doesn't mind"
I was fuming, but more so, I was agry at myself for saying nothing. Of course I did mind, so why was I unable to say so? It worries me that, in order not to offend a stranger (a lunatic maybe?) I allowed her to do something that I do not tolerate.

Why do people (strangers) think it is ok to touch other people's babies?

Is anyone bothered by this or is it just me??

LB

I think that babies are very lucky if they have a relaxed sociable mother.
I used to take mine into a retirement home and the elderly people made a real fuss of them - win/win for both sides.
The baby lets them know in no uncertain terms if they don't like it. Generally the baby is all smiles, enjoying the attention, it is the mother who is uptight.
It stops later on when children like their personal space.
There is a lot of 'my child, my rules' but it only works if you stay at home. Out and about people will touch and unless you keep them behind a rain shield there is very little that you can do except sound a bit odd with 'no touching, please!'

OP you sound ridiculously precious.

I always liked it when people paid attention to my baby. Its rare that it happens here as Finns are big on personal space but sometimes immigrants would coo over her and maybe touch her face/head/hand. Now she's 5 and very loud so they pay attention to her for different reasons

I must admit I used to feel physically sick if strangers touched my dd when she was a baby. Clean, dirty, old it didn't matter. I think it was an over reaction on my part but I really couldn't help it. i did get over this reaction when she went to nursey if that helps any.

You will find that countries that are child friendly, generally Mediterranean ones, touch a lot.

I am Mediterranean (whatever that means), where I can from we wave a lot, don't understand queues and speak very loudly. We lived surrounded by "Mediterraneans" for 6 months and, while there, not one person touched DD without asking me first if it was ok to do so.

I don't think a country is child-friendly because strangers go around touching babies. I think a country is child-friendly if, for example, they have free universal childcare (where I come from, they do) or step-free access (they don't).

Some of these "mad, old ladies" spend most of their days on their own, without another single soul to speak to all day!

They've seen enough of life to understand its fragilities and appreciate "new life" far more than us younger folk do!

one of them saved my sanity when I was struggling with two under two in the supermarket. What she said that day, got me through many tough parenting moments!

Don't be so precious and take 5 mins out your day to stop and chat back!

No doubt in a few years time you'll be back on here bemoaning how child unfriendly people are because they are ignoring your toddler.

Nice description of the lady in question, you just had to shoehorn comments about her age and mental state didn't you.

It's good for your baby to be touched by other people unless they are minging. Seriously, you are being precious. Wait until you have a stroppy teenager and people just scowl at your lovely child.

The first line straight away made me think Stealth boast.
We've all got the at home op. The only and most gorgeous child/ren in the world.

When people have touched my babies I've found it really moving. Usually older women who've had their own and just want that little touch to reignite their memories. Lovely to see all that emotion come back into their eyes.

I wasn't into babies before I had any. But once I'd had my first, and he was getting a bit older, the opportunity to hold other people's babies was completely different. A chance to get taken right back to that time which although hard work, feels really fleeting and hard to remember properly once it's gone.

So I guess, with my presence within reasonable limits of safety, a stranger having a wee stroke of my baby seems like a nice thing. Provided they are not in my uterus at the time. That, I do object to!

Sudden feeling of deja-vous - sure I've seen that exact post before (most recent OP post)

PacificDogwod

DD is 9 months old.

MrTumbleOnRepeat

omg, why do people think it's ok to do that??

Babies are pretty good at letting people know if they don't like something - they tend to cry until your ears hurt. Assuming your baby didn't express any displeasure, I would thing the baby either liked being touched or didn't mind it. If you don't like your baby being touched then, as others have said, I think you need to think about the bigger picture and try and relax a bit more.

Im going to be one of these mad old ladies. I love babies and have to resist the urge to squeeze their cute little faces and coo over them whenever I see one.
I never even liked kids before I had my own !!!
I loved it when people were like that with mine, baby's bring a lot of happiness to people.

I absolutely hate it when people try and touch ds!

Your story made me feel so sad for the old lady. I take my children to an old people's care home regularly and we often chat to all the residents, not just the relative we come to visit. They tell me that one of the saddest things about old age is that nobody really touches them(except for my 4 year old, who hugs everyone! Not because he's an angel, because old ladies often have biscuits!). If it makes an older person feel better about their day to stroke my child's head then that's a good thing. I also make sure to shake their hands and if I have time I ask about their experiences with their own children. One day you will be old and snotty young mothers will make you feel useless and unwanted.

Babies who are upset tend to make their feelings known fairly quickly, so unless the child is frightened by something other than your uptightness, it wouldn't kill you to show a little compassion.

Trapped. I'm like that with puppies and kittens. Wanting to squeeze them. I go all daft.
Oh I could eat them.

Ok, I think most people's reactions here would have been very different had I not mentioned the "how gorgeous she is" comment. My mistake.

I am not a drama queen, I could not care less if people notice my baby or not, I am concerned about my baby's health and wellbeing, not about her looks. All I want is to look after my baby in the best possible way, and remain sane while I do so.

Mine was a genuine question and was hoping to get some advice from people who had been in the same situation (as opposed to getting insults, swearwords, stereotypes and the like).

"I am not a drama queen, I could not care less if people notice my baby or not, I am concerned about my baby's health and wellbeing, not about her looks."

In that case there are two questions, and two questions only you should ask yourself:

does this upset my baby?

is it likely to harm my baby?

If the answer to either of those is yes, then you politely explain to the person that she doesn't like to be touched.

You should make a little sign to hang on her pram: "Please do not touch this baby".

If you didn't find that effective you could try: "Caution! Infection risk! Do not touch!"

Lunatic? Please get a grip.