to be upset because strangers touch my baby

[ladybird8131]

It seems that everywhere I go with DD, strangers feel the need to stop, tell me how gorgeous she is and then - invariably - touch her hands/face/hair.

Today I was just outside of boots after meeting up with a friend. As I was putting my DD back in her pram an old lady stopped and starting making a fuss about how beutiful my baby was. I thanked politely, still trying to fasten the harness (sweating). She then said: "don't let her out of your sight!" I said. "of course not, I am very careful".
She went on, asking how old she was, whether I intended to have more children, because you know they would look beautiful....
I couldn't make out whether she was mad or genuinely friendly.
She carried on, even though it was clear I wasn't really interested in the conversation and was only replying out of politeness.
She asked how old I was and then.....while I was still adjusting the harness, she managed to slip her hand down into the pram and stroke my DD hair. Even though I was surrounding DD with my body (still adjusting the harness). While doing this she said: "Mommy doesn't mind"
I was fuming, but more so, I was agry at myself for saying nothing. Of course I did mind, so why was I unable to say so? It worries me that, in order not to offend a stranger (a lunatic maybe?) I allowed her to do something that I do not tolerate.

Why do people (strangers) think it is ok to touch other people's babies?

Is anyone bothered by this or is it just me??

LB

Come and sit by me Vardyparty and have a cuddle with my youngest . Do you have biscuits?

I forgot to mention in my earlier post, I have had four children and not one has been even remotely harmed by strangers touching them. They have had a lot of pound coins tucked into their pockets/down the side of their car seats though.

Now I no longer wonder why some travel guides tell you "In this country, patting a strange child's head is not considered polite" - I had thought it was common knowledge

This is not a general warning against touching babies & young children. In many Asian countries, it is disrespectful to touch anyone, whatever their age, on the top of the head.

I'm another one who's already well on my way to being a mad old lady going around touching babies! I can't help but touch them, especially their hair and their little feet in babygros. My own children are grown now, but I loved when people (either those I knew or didn't know, I wasn't fussy) stopped to admire my babies and stroke their hair, etc (whilst I gazed on soppily and adoringly!). I think OP is missing out on some lovely interactions and is therefore, BcompletelyU.

No it wasn't the description of your baby that caused the reaction it was your horrible description of the lady who spoke to you, admired your baby and stroked her hair -,old, mad, lunatic.

That's what lovely people did on the old days.....I think it's sweet and people used to stop and chat and touch my children's hair. They both had really curly hair and when we lived in Germany, there was always an old lady or man touching DDs hair, saying what pretty curls she had.

You can always antibac wipe your baby afterwards if it bothers you. .

Very strange Ladybird8131 in Spain my baby got touched by lots of people - they stroked his head because his hair stuck straight up. Not one person asked first, as if he was a possession and not a person. My other DS got carried off into the kitchen on a different holiday.

Waiters were still touching my DS's hair when he was 6yrs- he thought it funny.

Of course she wasn't a 'lunatic' ( I thought we didn't use that term any more) she was probably slightly lonely and wanted to be friendly.

Mad old ladies eh?

I'm so pleased I don't give a shit about strangers babies.

The irony is I have been shouted at for moving away from a woman and her toddler.

Can't win.

God, I loved it when people interacted with my babies and so did they. Can't see the problem personally.

I suppose if you hate it, you hate it, but is there any need to be ageist and disparaging about mental health. Old? Mad? Lunatic? Nasty and unnecessary.

When do you think the OP will post her first, "Why is the UK so child-unfriendly?" AIBU?

I think it's telling that you've ignored the lovely posts from Aspergallus and Zippy, amongst others. You're only here to engage with people who agree with you.

I've never heard of this before! I had no idea that there might be some people who were averse to anyone touching! I have probably offended loads of people!
When my DCs were babies, it was quite the norm for people to want to cuddle and touch them - and most people did.

Ok, clearly also picked the wrong example. Of course the old lady was going to win over horribly precious mother!

I have had all sorts of people touching my baby, including young men in restaurants. I do mind when they touch DD's hands, because she is only 9 months (so can't let me know that she is bothered), teething and forever putting her hands in her mouth.

My DD has 3 great grandparents, they are 83, 87 and 89. We, as a family, spend a lot of time with them and like listening to their stories about the war. Mine wasn't a post about old age or baby/elderly relationship (of which I could write many pages btw). If anyone was offended about my comments re old lady, I apologise, but that was not the point of the post.

Vardy, I think we might get on. I'm quit objectionably old though.

leelu66
I have not had time to respond to their lovely comments because I have been busy replying to old the mean ones

I agree with you OP.

Young children/babies can't consent to being touched by strangers.

At least my DS5 can now say no to strangers trying to interact with him/stoke his hair if it makes him feel uncomfortable

She's 9 months so presumably plays on the floor, maybe crawls too. Do you clean every surface she cones into contact with to prevent germs? I'm pretty sure no ones died from being touched by an old lady.

Old mean comments.

Most babies let you know if they are bothered by something by crying.

Happens with my 11 month old sometimes. It doesn't bother me,or her for that matter.

Babies can't consent, true. But they can make it pretty clear when they're not happy with something.

I totally understand op. I wouldn't like it either. Once a tourist came up to my dd in her pram (she was two) and took a photo of her without asking me. She literally put the camera in my child's face and took a photo. I was hoping mad about it.

Jesus! You sound like a massively massive....

I loved it when old people made a fuss of my dc, the kids didn't care about being stroked, touched or even kissed, and it made the old person so happy to have some human contact.

Lunatic? What a harsh and cold hearted thought process you have.

LumpishAndIllogical
Yes, it's easier with older children I suppose, thankfully!

septembersunshine
At least people have asked me first if they can take a picture. I'd rather not but always say yes of course! :( I don't mind them taking pictures but I worry that it may end up on social media (I don't post anything related to my DD on social media)