Or is the bloke I spilt my latte on

[Rowanhart]

Getting on train today, when someone bumps me on their way past. I dropped my costa coffee (latte, 10 mins old) on table and some split on man's paper, sleeve of jumper and one splash on trousers

Me: oh god I'm very sorry'
Man: 'for Godsake'
Me: so sorry, are your hurt'
Man: 'No I'm messy'

Train bloke with trolley comes over with napkins.

Me: 'so sorry (takes napkins, starts cleaning up.'
Man: 'Can do it myself, stupid cow'
Me: 'okay, well I am sorry'

10 minutes later trolley man comes over and asks for mobile number, name and address as man has put incident in accident book. I ask if details will be passed to man and he says not sure so I refuse.

Then coffee man comes over and demands details. I still refuse. Pretend to get off at next stop and get back on 2 carriages down.

Trolley man comes down, spots me and again asks for details. I refuse and he says transport police may be called. They are not and I get off at destination.

Should I have given my details?

I used to take a coffee onto the tube with me in the morning but stopped doing so unless I know I'll get a seat (I work shifts) after seeing someone spill their coffee and narrowly miss scalding a small child when the train lurched unexpectedly. Just because loads of people do it doesn't mean it's not risky behaviour, especially if you're standing. And you take a risk you must accept there might be negative consequences.

And another thing. God help his poor wife. Assuming of course anyone is desparate enough to put up with him

You are the one who chose to take coffee in the train, so YABU for spilling it on a stranger who was sitting nicely minding his own business. I get that you got pushed, but your drink was an accident waiting to happen. People push you, the train moves, it's obvious something will go wrong.

YABU for not offering to pay for his dry cleaning. The man might have been reluctant to start a scene because you are a woman and you will play the weak and scared card. It is very reasonable of him to ask a third person, to avoid being accused of threatening you.

Were you trying to manage too many personal items so that when you were bumped, you had no control over the cup of coffee?

Are you the counsel for the prosecution?

Jeans and jumper? Fuck's sake, they'll go in the wash and be good as new.

The man might have been reluctant to start a scene

What, you mean how he didn't start a scene by saying 'for Gods sake'?
Or how he didn't start a scene by saying 'No I'm messy'?
Or how he didn't start a scene by saying 'stupid cow'?

"I ask if details will be passed to man and he says not sure so I refuse."

This is the key point. It obviously was the coffee man wanting the details (why?) and it wasn't the train staff's part to pass them on, nor to threaten the transport police (what would they do, FFS? Even if suit was ruined, it would be a civil claim)

YANBU it was an accident and he called you names horrible man agree with the pp should of dumped the rest on his head

It cost me £450 to dip into a female boutique and buy another suit and blouse

That's hilarious! What are you, a judge? Prime minister?

Oh, no suit? So stuff would just go in wash?

Transport police?!

"The man might have been reluctant to start a scene because you are a woman and you will play the weak and scared card. "

WTF to this? He insulted her, recorded the incident, tried to get her details through a third party, tried to get them direct (without saying why eg "you owe me £ to clean this jumper) and possibly prompted trolley guy to threaten the BTP after OP, quite reasonably, switched carriage.

And he was reluctant to start a scene because she was a woman? Bollocks.

Jumping and swearing when you get splashed with coffee is not starting a scene.

Shrugging off, even rudely, a random woman who is trying to touch you with paper napkins to clear her mess is not starting a scene.

Starting a loud argument with said woman to get her to pay for your dry cleaning would be starting a scene.

What exactly was the man supposed to do? Smile and tell the fragile lady that it's quite all right and he's happy to pay to clean his own clothes? Do you even know where he was going? Turning up with stained clothes might have been a serious problem if he wasn't going home directly.

Sorry sapphire pressed post to soon. I was going to carry on saying the incident rate, I'm guessing, will be extremely low. So There is no chance that there's ever going to be a beverage ban on trains while buffet carts are in circulation and train providers are getting income this way. Isn't coffee the highest "profit versus layout" around anyway? It costs pence to make and they can command £3 odd or more, I work alongside the catering industry and have heard many times about coffee being a sure winner if you can shift enough of it.

I might have offered money for dry cleaning if he was ok about it. Not after the abuse though, I would be miffed if he didn't accept my sincerest apologies but to give out that kind of language. Um no!

He didn't say stupid cow as a shocked reaction, when the coffee was spilled. He said it further down the line.

Personally, if I got coffee spilled on my jeans and jumper (so NOT an expensive dry-clean-only outfit) in a clear accident, and the spiller apologised, tried to clean it up and was clearly mortified, I'd accept the apology and shrug it off.

If you take coffee onto a train, the risk that it will spill on someone is yours, not theirs. Therefore you should have offered to pay for cleaning. Re the address, I think probably the best response might be to say that you'll give it to the railway company on strict condition that they don't pass it on to anyone else. That way, if he needs to communicate with you he can do so through them.

But I admit my sympathies are limited by his immediate reaction and the fact that he was only wearing a jumper and jeans, which will wash perfectly easily.

" you are a woman and you will play the weak and scared card. "

"the fragile lady"

Goady much?

Ferk, yes, I agree.

£450 for some replacement clothes?

Facebook, if her suit was ruined and she was due in court or similar, I doubt she had toomuch choice on the £450 for another suit.

Can I also say that at no point did I get asked for payment for cleaning. I got asked for my address and phone number.

That was my refusal, not to pay cleaning (have to be honest given amount of coffee split on clothes. it didn't cross mind).

yanbu I would make a complaint against the member of staff threatening police is harassment when you have continuously said no.

I'd have said no and offered to wait for police lol.

The train company wanted you to hand over personal details to an (angry) stranger?? Well you ANBU for not doing that.

I would have been very apologetic and considering offering dry cleaning money if his clothes looked like they would need it up until "stupid cow". After that sod him.

FFS! Travel code or not, asking for someone's name, address and phone number is excessive processing and against data protection principles. For a dry cleaning bill, your mobile number would have been sufficient-I certainly wouldn't want my address passed onto an angry stranger. I'd have refused too, and would have had a debate about information rights into the bargain!