To expect my friend to show interest in my baby?

[Newmummyme]

First post which I've mulled over for a few days now. I had a baby girl 2 weeks ago.

My friend (close for over 10 years and she only lives 20 mins away) hasn't been to see us yet. She visited a week before I gave birth and gave us a gift which was really sweet. She was quite interested in the pregnancy (asked if I was ok etc but didn't make a huge effort to visit) but it was difficult because she has been struggling to conceive for a couple of years. I get this, but I obviously can't mention her problems because it doesn't seem right somehow. I have sent her a few pics of baby and she's responded (quite short messages though) which surprises me because she was more interested during my pg. I get that it is difficult but I sent her a whatsapp two days ago with her holding the teddy she's bought and no reply yet she's been on whatsapp loads since. I'm really tempted to send a sarky message asking if she plans to come and meet her but don't want to cause a problem. I guess I'm just disappointed in her. I know when she eventually has a baby I'll be banging the door down.

Assuming this is real...

Even for someone who hasn't had fertility treatment, other people's babies are a lot a bit dull.

And people who send regular pictures of their baby to all and sundry are cringeworthy. Just saying.

We've all been there tbh. But one day you will look back and be horrified at yourself. hth

I read this earlier and my heart broke just a little bit

m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10154178493374210&id=729269209&set=a.64388159209.66922.729269209

Read it ffs, then go and look at your daughter and realise how fucking lucky you are

YABVU in your reaction. Put yourself in her exact shoes and think how tough you might find it.

Totally understood that you're disappointed (we all hope for the best, even when it's unrealistic), but surely you get why it might be tough for her to engage?

She has polycystic ovaries and this is why she hasnt conceived yet (nothing too sinister) so I'm sure she will conceive eventually.

Bitchier by the post

I'm so happy for your new arrival OP but even tho I don't know you it still breaks my heart that I don't have a baby despite trying and you and so many others do - And I'm lucky in that I do already have a child of my own to focus my attention on.

It's hard to see outwith your own wee world right now but your friend is heartbroken and that's nothing to do with you but you're not helping her by sending pictures and expecting responses and bitchy comments.

Think about it op - your baby only matters to you in this world - as much as mothers expect everyone to give a shit, we don't. What you've been through is to you the most amazing thing in the world...but it's not to your next door neighbour it's just another baby.
Sorry if this pisses on your parade but you don't seem to be getting it

Oh my god, you really are a charmer. Your latest post is breathtaking.

I just feel let down that's all as I would try to it my feelings aside.

You really don't get it to do you

Bloody hell op, trying to bear it in mind you have recently just had a baby but you do sound worse with every post.

You just plainly do not get it. Have some sensitivity.

With every post you sound worse. Stop typing and go and have a long hard look in the mirror and think about what we are all saying.

She has polycystic ovaries and this is why she hasnt conceived yet (nothing too sinister) so I'm sure she will conceive eventually.

Do you have a crystal ball?

Are you usually so insensitive?

Then don't invite her?

My brother in law and his wife have yet to meet my daughter, who is 1 next month. He hasn't acknowledged she exists. We think they have fertility issues but could be wrong. Am I annoyed about it? Well, yes to be honest I am. But it is what it is.

The (glaring) point you're missing is, so far as she's concerned, it's not "when" she has a baby, it's "if".

It's a lot easier for her to deal with when your baby wasn't actually here. Now, as much as she may want to come and see you, it just be very hard for her.

Bending over backwards to invite her for dinner?! Really

Congratulations on your baby, stay in touch with her, but back off with the baby pictures.

You are being vvvvv unreasonable and insensitive. You need to have some empathy.

Give her time, when she's been trying for a baby for so long it's bound to take her a while.

Other people start threads on here saying oh I don't want to see anybody for 2 weeks after birth so maybe she is just giving you and baby time to settle in at home.

Why would you think sending sarky messages to somebody you call a friend is appropriate? because they haven't been to see you.

I would suggest you maybe Grow up a little, your posts sound very much like a teenager.

Of course she wants her own baby, not yours but at the moment you are the physical embodiment of everything she wants. She wants to hold her baby in her arms like you're getting to hold yours. She wants to have the sleepless nights and look like shit because that would all mean that she had a baby and it's a small price to pay for the thing you want most in the world.

A friend of mine (not especially close, I used to work with her and we met up a couple of times when I was on maternity leave) had her twins at 29 weeks. My daughter was born at 28 weeks and you would think I'd be best placed to support her but I just couldn't because it brought it all back for me. I sent her a few messages early on but I couldn't get too involved with it all. I felt really guilty for that and I can only hope that she understands.

I would guess that your friend probably feels guilty that she can't do the things that you want her to, she probably hoped that she could, but self preservation becomes more important if you know that you just can't handle a situation. Would you really want her to come and visit you, coo over your baby, all the while feeling like she's dying inside only for her to then cry all the way home?

YABVU! You are aware of the difficulty she is facing and you are still going out of your way to force her to share in your happiness.

She's probably attempting some semblance of self preservation here. What would you even hope to get out of sending a sarcastic message? It's not going to make the relationship any better. It'll only serve to make her feel guilty about a situation she already feels bad enough about.

With all the good will in the world people outside of immediate family are never as infatuated with a new baby. Has your new baby noticed your friend hasn't visited? Thought not! Enjoy the very early days of your new child. When you're on here in 5 years time asking if you are being unreasonable for locking yourself in the bathroom for peace you won't even remember this

OP are you even reading what people are very patiently trying to tell you?

You are coming across terribly.

I hope this is not real, on behalf of your friend.

Ok. Imagine someone takes your baby away tomorrow and says you can't have anymore children. But that's fine because now you can afford your own house.

Then your mate keeps texting and asking you to go round and meet her baby and play with her kids. That would be exactly what you felt like doing, wouldn't it.

Wow, you are incredibly insensitive. The world does not revolve around you and your offspring.
Stop sending her pictures.

It's this sort of insensitivity from so called friends that makes infertility so fucking unbearable