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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if NCT is a bit too posh for me?

253 replies

anyname123 · 22/05/2016 11:46

Hia, first pregnancy, I'm 34 and relocated to live with partner about a year ago. I have made a few mates in new city, but none have children. I'm due in October and just considering NCT as a way to meet women to hang out with on Mat leave. Whilst I'm hardly a scumbag I'm not very organic and middle class either, wondering if anyone happy to share their experience of NCT, will it be full of the brown rice brigade and a waste of a few hundred quid, or is it a good way to meet others in same position? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
squidgyapple · 22/05/2016 20:29

The nct class I attended was quite middle class but we didn't all breastfeed, or all use reusable nappies - we were all different in that way. The antenatal teacher was VERY pro home birthing but none of us considered this option for a nano second!

I'd say the others in the class seemed to have read more baby books than me- I had no idea that the whole baby rearing thing could be so contentious. At one point one of the women announced that she planned to follow a certain baby manual (with a rather twee title) - at the time I had never heard of the book, but the nct teacher reacted with horror and a heated discussion broke out!

We stayed in touch till the DCs were about 5 or so and then drifted - but I have friends who are still in touch with their antenatals classes after many years, so it is the luck of the draw to a certain extent

squidgyapple · 22/05/2016 20:32

oh yes - to add, you don't need to attend the classes to go to nct coffee mornings , I didn't learn that much from the classes.

LaurieMarlow · 22/05/2016 20:34

Mine weren't particularly middle class and not at all 'crunchy'. No reusable nappies, co-sleeping or excessive use of slings. Half the group breastfed, half didn't and two didn't even try Blush.

I love them all to bits, they have been a phenomenal support group.

OhMrBadger · 22/05/2016 20:35

Fabsmum I'm an introvert too but have only recently realised this! I know now that it's ok to be introverted and it's been a blessed relief to accept it.

If I'd known the number of social get-togethers that being in my NCT group involved, I probably wouldn't have joined. My DH is also introverted so it was hard for him too. I was naive really! Even now I avoid get-togethers which involve partners because I find them extremely hard work.

Sorry OP, I digress.

unimagmative13 · 22/05/2016 20:41

Personally I find 'paid' classes better in general. I'm not being a snob, but I've found them mums around the same age as me (30+), well organised, clean etc

I find the paid ones poorly organised and some of the mums wouldn't be people I would bond with, sometimes I think they are just a waste of time, but they got me out the house some days.

Kennington · 22/05/2016 20:54

My nct wasn't posh. everyone was only on Mat leave for 6 months or less and hugely career orientated. Probably a function of living in London and needing 2 FT wages to survive.
I found it was a good kind group and no issues at all. Enjoyed it very much.

namechangeparents · 22/05/2016 21:03

I think it depends. I had a very posh ante-natal group (there were 8 of us) and we just didn't fit in to their prep school/huge house with two kitchens sort of scenario (and I went back to work on different days to others who went back to work) so after the first year reunion we drifted apart and I never see any of them now. I think a few of them keep in touch though. It was useful to have a built-in support network until I went back to work but I didn't find the differing developmental stages helpful at all as my son was always the last one to do everything (he was the youngest but only by 3 days!) so I was constantly worried! It was much easier once I went back to work, contact fizzled out and I had nobody to compare him with anymore.

However I did go to coffee mornings etc where I met more down-to-earth people and I know some people make lifelong friends so it's the luck of the draw. If you do classes and don't click, try coffee mornings and other activities instead.

PortiaCastis · 22/05/2016 21:10

unimaginative why would someone who is not in their thirties be unclean?

20thcenturybitch · 22/05/2016 21:10

From my experience I don't think the NCT classes teach you anything you couldn't learn from books/internet and mumsnet. But we did meet some lovely people and are still good friends with two couples.

However, I do think that it's worth looking up how active your local NCT branch is. If there is a 'bumps and babies' group running close to you that could be a great and free/very cheap way to meet lots of local mums who may or may not have been on your course anyway. And it gives you more freedom to find the people you have more in common with rather than the pot luck of a pre-allocated class group.

Also NCT branches are totally dependent on the volunteers/attendees in a particular area at a particular time, so experiences really can be quite different. Ours has breastfeeding/formula, cloth nappies/disposable, SAHM/working mums and isn't all white, middle class as mentioned up thread.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 22/05/2016 21:12

Not rtft but for my tuppence worth I didn't get on very well with the NCT, I was a single parent back living with my mum and felt very much like the poor relation. It was ridiculously middle class and I struggled to find any middle ground with the other mums who I felt looked down their noses at me

The best mum mates I made were through the breast feeding support group and later a baby music class.

unimagmative13 · 22/05/2016 21:12

Nothing to do with the people. I meant the venue and equipment.

Fabsmum · 22/05/2016 21:17

"A massive industry in child birth."

Oh well, as least all that NCT 'bollox' is funding the training of breastfeeding supporters, most of who end up working in community clinics, or lobbying the government for more midwives and more support for parents, so some good is coming from it all. Smile

corythatwas · 22/05/2016 21:52

I once helped to organise an NCT group for mums from over a dozen different countries, some married, some not, some from academic/professional backgrounds, some from more practical/non-skilled work backgrounds, and I suppose a difference of nearly 20 years between the oldest and the youngest member. Don't remember us ever running out of things to talk about: our very differences ensured that.

2rebecca · 22/05/2016 22:02

I think it depends on the women who are in it at the time. I joined NCT as we'd recently moved and I had few friends. I didn't find it too posh, just too mumsy. I was the only career woman who although only part time was going back to her job after 3 months and my life didn't totally revolve around my son. The rest just lived off their husbands and seemed to view being a mother as their aim in life.

HoumousExpress · 22/05/2016 22:09

You sound pretty judgemental and sneery towards middle class mums OP. I did NCT and loved it, I'm not into lentils but have no issue with those who are Confused there was a real mixture of people on my course, some I got on well with (still friends) others I didn't. No basket making though, just mums who wanted company and friends and support after birth. We still meet for coffee years later.

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 22/05/2016 22:35

I have found them to be a very mixed bag. A few of them are the type to think they are the only women ever to had babies iykwim.

Miffyandme · 22/05/2016 22:43

I only made it through one nct class - the instructor was horribly biased against hospital births and a crap teacher at that.
The other parents-to-be also seemed materialistic and competitive. May just have been bad luck though, I know others who have a great "NCT gang", though I'm not sure how long the friendships last once everyone goes back to work.

Fabsmum · 22/05/2016 22:52

"The other parents-to-be also seemed materialistic and competitive"

What, all of them? And you worked this out from attending one session? Hmm

Fabsmum · 22/05/2016 22:55

Christ the level of judging, labelling and stereotyping on this thread is shocking.

Are there any other groups which are made up of - basically - women, who are subject to such an avalanche of spite on mumsnet?

And, oh the irony Shock

Miffyandme · 22/05/2016 23:10

Fabsmum, well it was a 3 hour long session. Note my use of the word "seemed". There was a lot of talk about what brand of buggies, nappy bags and "push presents". And I did say that perhaps this was bad luck.
My main issue was with the hugely biased instructor. I see the benefit though for a social circle but there are other places to meet new parents.

MrsPeacockDidIt · 22/05/2016 23:14

I'm not sure how I would have survived the first few months without my NCT group. I suffered with PND and so found leaving the house really hard and I would have been so isolated without this group of women. I couldn't go to baby classes and all my other friends were at work So they were my lifeline. I agree with others about the classes themselves not really preparing you for childbirth but my word I made some lovely friends by going on the course.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 22/05/2016 23:20

Mine are still a lifeline thirteen years later (only we're onto secondary schools, social media use, puberty instead of nappies and feeding).

christinarossetti · 23/05/2016 03:34

fabsmum I would hardly describe people saying 'I didn't feel like I had much in common' as an 'avalanche of spite*.

The most unpleasant comment seems to be the one that says people who to go to classes that you don't have to pay for tend to be disorganised and unclean

NCT doesn't work for everyone. No- one is criticising you personally.

chellem1 · 23/05/2016 06:24

Oh, and I decided against paying to join the NCT when I went. You can just pay for the actual classes, although it's not that clear, which will save you a bit of money (think it was about £40 when we went 3 years ago), unless you think you'll use any of the additional services afterwards.

BikeRunSki · 23/05/2016 06:35

I did NCT classes. Not at all earth mothery, but my group were just too well off for me to keep up with. Lots of weekends away, trips abroad etc. We got left behind once we'd grown it of coffee shops and pram walks. I made some great friends through local Surestart groups and village hall mums and tots groups.