to wonder if NCT is a bit too posh for me?

[anyname123]

Hia, first pregnancy, I'm 34 and relocated to live with partner about a year ago. I have made a few mates in new city, but none have children. I'm due in October and just considering NCT as a way to meet women to hang out with on Mat leave. Whilst I'm hardly a scumbag I'm not very organic and middle class either, wondering if anyone happy to share their experience of NCT, will it be full of the brown rice brigade and a waste of a few hundred quid, or is it a good way to meet others in same position? Thanks in advance.

[TheVillagePost]

NCT was brilliant for me! The woman running the class was a bit of a bossy boots, however the 5 couples we met were great and have been an invaluable support network. We mums still meet up once a week nearly a year on. It's just so valuable having a little group of people at the exact same life stage. We live in quite a naice area but everyone was just normal and we all got on brilliantly. It's so worth the money.

[Bishybishybarnabee]

I did the NCT classes and I'm really pleased I did. There were 6 couple on my course, all from quite different backgrounds, jobs, approaches etc but all got on really well.
I have a medical condition which meant I was always going to have a very medicalised birth and the teacher was great at making sure the course content included all types of birth experience and it actually really prepared me for the EMCS I went on to have.
Once all the babies were born we met up once a week or so, sometimes for coffee and cake, sometimes for walks etc. I found it invaluable to have a support network of people going through a very similar experience at the same time. We have Facebook and whatsapp groups to arrange meet ups, chat, compare experiences if different groups etc.
Our babies are now just over one and we still meet up as a big group every few months (including the Dads) but the smaller meet ups have split into two groups really, based on where we live.
It, as this thread shows, is really luck of the draw as to whether you get people you are going to gel with. It's also really important that you have someone who is going to drive the meeting up thing forward in the early days until people really feel comfortable with it. I've also got a great group of friends I met through a pregnancy yoga group and we do similar meet ups, Facebook group etc. I didn't meet many 'mum friends' through groups after I'd had the baby but I know others who have so I think it just really depends on the individuals involved.

[20thcenturybitch]

It's worth pointing out that, certainly in my area, you don't have to be a member of the NCT to attend the regular groups like bumps and babies/play dates/sales/walks. So you could try out the groups in your area if the branch is active without spending a lot.

[Blueberryblueberry]

It's definitely the luck of the draw - with the class and the teacher. I was new to my area and found it helpful to have a group of people to meet up with when the baby was small. It sort of tailed off after we went back to work. Most of my group are on second babies now so there are a few more meet ups happening again. Our teacher was lovely - she did say that she knew of Nct colleagues who didn't like to teach about c-sections and bottle feeding though ours was lovely and covered everything (just as well as only 2 had natural births and most ended up bottle feeding at some point). It was quite middle class though I suppose. Although I'm now wondering what my group thought of me... I do like lentils...

[baffledmummy]

I thought the actual NCT course content was terrible....lots of..."Oooh lets discuss how we all feel about xyz" which had me cringing. Lots of 'chatter' but very little practical guidance. That being said, I'm not the type of person who is comfortable opening up about personal things in groups of strangers - I know some people love it - I was hoping it was going to be more practical guidance and tips, but I feel like I didn't really learn anything I didn't already know.

There was a definite expectation that everyone would be breastfeeding. I didn't - and was the only one in my group who didn't, however it didn't bother me, or anyone else.

The other couples in the class were all lovely. We have stayed in touch and have regular meet ups. We had a variety of backgrounds and ages and it made no difference. Just a group of people bonding over a shared experience. It was worth it just for meeting others. If you are looking for practical guidance however, I'd just get a good book!

[Piemernator]

I didn't do NCT classes because I thought all we will have in common is that a baby will be popping out of us one way or another in the same approximate time frame.

I did voluntary work when on ML before my DS bowled up and then did a part time course a couple of mornings a week after he arrived and he went in to the college nursery. Made a couple of friends on that. One had no DC and one had two who were primary school age.

[Millionprammiles]

"No snobbery about saying you feel out of place with certain groups of people."
Exactly.
Once your children are at nursery and school you'll see just how easily parents fall into cliques of like minded parents.

It isn't NCT or the nursery or the school that creates these cliques.

[moofolk]

Posh is relative and as some said above, they were not posh but all mc.
I went to NCT (super cheap as we are super low income I thinnk we paid a fiver instead of about 170 quid) and I thought they were all posh twats tbh. Nice enough but we had nothing in common. I think most of the rest stayed in touch and found it really helpful and supportive , as I've heard of other people doing.
Had much more fun at the aquanatal group at my local (inner city) pool, with tea and biscuits and chat with other mums-to-be and midwives after.
That said, it will only be about six or eight couples so you might really get on with them. If you don't, you don't have to meet them again.
Also I suppose depends how local it is. We are inner city and had to travel out to the suburbs. It was billed as the one for our city, we are actully quite lucky to have loads of stuff going on near us but I think the others lived closer to each other. Also I was lucky to have a fair few friends breeding at a similar time so enough suport with people I already knew.

[Mooingcow]

In my personal experience:

Not necessarily posh but certainly pushing an agenda and no exceptions.

The classes I attended only talked about not having drugs and gave absolutely no practical advice on what to do when the baby actually arrived other than refusing to even discuss the possibility of formula feeding.

I had three emergency cesarians, a baby in the nnu for ten days on a drip and couldn't breast feed two of the babies.

They were, to a woman, judgemental and unsupportive. They made me feel suicidal about not being able to feed and still would not advise me on alternatives.

I still regret those weeks and weeks I wasted not enjoying my babies because I wasn't doing what they wanted me to.

Luckily there were kinder people who helped me.

My three are all at university and played sport to county level and gave thus far neither sprouted third limbs nor gone on vandalism sprees.

I still think of them as the Nasty Cunts Trust.

[unimagmative13]

Ours wasn't like that at all.

Just a general discussion about formula vs BF ( 1 was/is a lactavist 1 was formula feeding from off, rest just said we would give it a go)

Open conversation about drug options.

Talk through labour alternatives - made us all lay down while people stood around so you would get a feel of how many people were present for a section, talked through what husbands would do.

Your always going to meet women who are home birthing, whale music types. I found this the hardest that they wanted to discuss their 'failed labours' ALOT after.

[littlelady3045]

NCT is so cliquey and posh. If you like the odd swear word or moan you'll be looked upon like scum. I never attend anything associated with them, far too stuck up. The hospital should offer you antenatal classes, it's free, the same information and with normal people.

[wrungout82]

I didn't find it too posh or 'earth-mothery' at all. I live in an area that is not at all posh and people in our group were all reasonably middle class professionals they were not at all posh and were really down to earth and nice. The course leader was a bit of a hippy type and I will say the whole thing was super pro-breastfeeding but we all ended up having very different births and there was no judgement - we all had completely different situations - scheduled c-section due to medical condition, EMCS, forceps delivery, water birth, no drugs, epidural - I think we covered the spectrum between us! We all got on reasonably well although some people remained closer than others. Three mums in the group went back to work full time, one couple moved away, two mums work part time and one is a SAHM so meetups aren't regular but we do keep in touch.

We all supported each other through the tough early days which was good. I am not good at just going along to groups and making friends so am glad I did the course to make friends beforehand. I hated baby groups as I never knew what to say to people and I hate small talk.

[AntiHop]

I'm glad I did the nct class. It was great having people to talk to and share experiences with in the early months. Within a few months I'd made friends through baby groups that I gelled with better but it takes a while to make friends that way. I'm glad I had the nct lot to share those early crazy months with.

[squizita]

I am very 'urban' and ended up being on the local committee.

Some people there were very posh (so private they didn't know that on the NHS everything is midwife led, or indeed anything about the NHS) and others quite normal/average.

Our playgroup and BF cafe was very mixed too- from extreme posh/woo crystal ladies to women genuinely surprised we don't wean at 3 months anymore.

I found it OK, just an ante natal class really (went for the cheaper option), but the BF support at the local group was very good indeed, as were the nearly new sales.

[CountessOfStrathearn]

littlelady, for someone who says that you "never attend anything associated with them", it is wonderful that you've been able to come to such an incisive opinion of the NCT.

I was a bit suspicious of mine (I'm a doctor, I thought they'd be pushing a very anti-drug/pain relief agenda) but went to make friends and to help my non-doctor husband catch up on the whole labour & delivery thing. (I'd delivered babies as part of my degree.)

It was excellent and surprisingly well balanced. In our group, we had one planned home birth (no whale music!), two elective sections, a couple of people who had complications, a mixture of ages and "class" (trying to think of a better word, but it certainly wasn't all middle class yummy mummies!), breast/bottle/mixed feeding, all sorts of pain relief used, more routine-based families/more AP families.

We kept in touch very regularly for about the first year after our babies and it was so useful to get those emails/texts in the night when we were all up lots.

[theDuchessInTheDodgeCharger]

I did meet ups but not classes, for DS1 ... I actually got invited along, not knowing you had to join/pay! And stayed unknowingly as a parasite for months .... Apart from 3 mums who I'm still in contact with nearly 17 yrs down the line, I have lost touch very quickly .. I honestly thought it was very middle class. But then again I live in west London ... husbands with city jobs, most relocated to Surrey before starting pre-school ( all had their eyes on hubby's ex private school for DCs). I still have hilariously middle class stories to tell tbh ... the ones I made friends with distanced themselves from the group fairly soon too and all felt a bit different .... I felt fully inadequate, having coffee on cream sofas in huge houses , overlooked by portraits of happy couples in full Royal Ascot regalia ( that was something ... top hat and all ). I never dared invite anyone back to our rented basement flat, apart from said 3 mums ...
All in all, I'm guessing it's a lottery and will reflect the area where you live and the year in which you give birth as to fads/current childrearing advice/etc.
I stayed well clear for DS2 and enjoyed being on my own, but for a first child it can be invaluable . However I found that the council baby massage group worked better for me....

[thetigerdidit]

In our NCT class only 3 out of 8 breastfed, 2 out of 8 did baby-led, there was no brown rice and only one sighting of some birkenstocks. We talked about gin and soft cheese a lot. None of us had cleaners at the time, but we were all in our mid30's with no clue what we were doing - am still in touch with most of them.

Having a group of people you have a shared understanding of what is about to happen and then what does happen means you have some people you can talk to about nipple leakage and collapsing pelvic floors (in person rather than on mn). It also gives husbands a group of people they can go to the pub connect with too

[snowgirl1]

I found NCT classes a great way to meet some mums to spend time with on maternity leave. For the first 12 months we all got together regularly, but it drifted after some of us went back to work. The Dads also used to have Dads nights out. There was no brown lentil attitude at all at ours. I'd recommend it to anyone having their first.

[Heatherjayne1972]

Hated it. I was a 29 year old professional - I understood how a baby comes out didn't need two hours of a blow by blow account
Should have given that lecture to teenagers to put them off
I didn't go back

[Bear2014]

I totally hear all the stereotypes etc and I'm sure it's probably luck of the draw who you meet but NCT was hands down the best thing I could have done. There were 8 of us in our group, everyone was lovely and we are all still very close friends now. We are all in our 30s and one in 40s (London) and from all walks of life. Our teacher was batsh*t crazy and I ended up having an ELCS so the actual class content was by the by but we all bonded and during mat leave would meet up several times per week. The kids are 2.5 now and we still have a monthly girls' dinner/booze up and spend lots of Fridays together when many are not at work, organise family activities at the weekend, etc. A few are on mat leave again now and meet up regularly with the new babies. If you're new to the area I would say 100% do it and if you don't get on with anyone at least you gave it a try.

[CuteHoor]

OP, I've only skimmed the thread, but in case no one else has said this, you don't have to join the NCT or take an NCT class to go along to local coffee mornings/events/sales, and many local groups run occasional pub meet ups for pregnant women and partners. TBH, if I were doing it again, I wouldn't spend the money on the classes, which didn't tell me anything I didn't know already from books or the free NHS classes, and as my group, while perfectly nice as individuals, just didn't gel well, it was all a bit of a non-event and we all drifted apart quite soon, after some not very convivial meet-ups.

The only thing we all bonded on was our impatience with the no-drugs agenda of the classes and the general pointless of our elderly, not very socially-skilled hippie teacher, who was obsessed with the terrible Cascade of Intervention that would follow an epidural. As all but one of us ended up having highly-medicalised births, and she kept emailing for 'success stories' (ie 'natural' births), she wasn't popular with those of us were saved by medicine.

I'm aware that not all the classes are like ours, but ours did lean heavily on the 'your body knows what to do' thing in relation to birth and breastfeeding, and the teacher was bobbing about all the time when we had a general 'meet the babies' party visibly wanting debriefs from people who'd done it the right way. It left a bad taste in many of our mouths.

[squizita]

The only thing we all bonded on was our impatience with the no-drugs agenda of the classes and the general pointless of our elderly, not very socially-skilled hippie teacher, who was obsessed with the terrible Cascade of Intervention that would follow an epidural WORTH NOTING: classes are so woefully inconsistent we had a perfectly pro-pain-relief lady doing ours! Told everyone about spinals, epidurals and everything else. It should be the same but it isn't.

[Littlemiss76]

I did NCT classes and 7 years on am still very good friends with 2 members of my group. We had second children at similar times and I consider them amongst my closest friends. I am normal, whatever that means and we saved for the classes as the one at the hospital wasn't great. My GP surgery also ran a first time mums group which may be another option for you. Good luck

[BikeRunSki]

The range of people's experiences of the course content is interesting. Our course leader was a very down to earth, straight talking no nonsense Yorkshire woman. We did talking about drugs, and the pros and cons of various forms of pain relief, and although did a C Section role play. That was actually the most useful bit for me, and was invaluable a month or 2 later when I did have an emcs and knew why there were 12 people in the room.

As I said above, I didn't form lifelong friends (the children are all coming up 8 now), but did have an immediate support group whilst I found my feet with more like minded-like incomed people. This may also have been down to location - it's pretty rural where I live. By chance, 4 of the 8 couples in my group all lived in the same village so had a more established friendship on popping round for tea/bumping into each other in the park or shops kind of thing. The other 4 of us were scattered 20 miles in all directions.

I did actually get involved with the NCT at a higher level - local and regional committee - which I found very interesting and valuable work. There is an awful lot more to NCT than antenatal classes.

If you're joining just to make friends, then consider "Bumps and Babies" groups and coffee mornings too.

[Italiangreyhound]

I loved it, did the ante natal and post natal class,volunteered at the fabulous nearly new sales and got involved as a volunteer. The friends I met through the group are not necessarily my best ever friends but they do contain a very special bunch of women I am still in contact with, including one who is almost like a best friend (although I did not meet her through NCT initially).

It's not exclusively middle class, although some people will be.

It will reflect the area it is in and the people who go and you might get out of it what you put into it.

NCT is a charity and not a company and a lot of the wider things like sales are run by volunteers. You may find sales and classes in your area that are run by different groups. It's probably hard to find all a good NCT type things done in an area without going to something they do. So even if classes are not your thing once baby is older you may end up at something, maybe a singing class.

Just so you know my dd is almost 12, and I still see people from the wider NCT group.

Give it a go!