to wonder if NCT is a bit too posh for me?

[anyname123]

Hia, first pregnancy, I'm 34 and relocated to live with partner about a year ago. I have made a few mates in new city, but none have children. I'm due in October and just considering NCT as a way to meet women to hang out with on Mat leave. Whilst I'm hardly a scumbag I'm not very organic and middle class either, wondering if anyone happy to share their experience of NCT, will it be full of the brown rice brigade and a waste of a few hundred quid, or is it a good way to meet others in same position? Thanks in advance.

[Fabsmum]

Re: making faces at you because you were using formula - you do realise that NCT mums are mostly mixed feeding too......

[Boiing]

I think it's just luck. To be blunt, I very middle class, brown rice eating, earth-mothery, now sahm. The other 5 people in my NCT class were all in admin jobs, bottle fed, renting, now all back at work (I don't mean to imply there's anything wrong with any of that, it just meant we didn't have much in common). So they are all great mates still and I've drifted. But I've met another mum who complained everyone else in her NCT class was a lawyer. Basically you're meeting a pretty random group of people and getting an invite to tea&cake for 6 months. It's worth doing for the support and company when you're post-baby, but whether or not you have much in common is up to luck. I'm glad I did it but had hopes for more than I got. As to the content of the course: you can find it out from the internet/books, but much depends on whether the teacher is any good.

[RaeSkywalker]

I've just signed up for the signature course. I'm 28, DH is 31, we would probably be considered middle class but would cringe a bit at that! We're not "brown rice brigade" at all and were also worried about not fitting in because of this. I'm hoping I will make friends but I guess it's a bit of a leap of faith- you're hoping that personalities mesh well.

DH is taking time out from the sport he plays regularly to attend our classes- I think if your partner can come it makes sense for them to join you.

[GeekyWombat]

I did NCT and I wish my experience had been as positive as everyone else's! I thinker might have got a duff group though - people didn't really bond (and there were a couple of very irritating folk, noticeably one woman who insisted on telling everyone (unasked) every week about their '£650,000 house they were doing £80,000 of work on before the baby was born and the builders were a NIGHTMARE' and a man ('Jonathan, never Jonny') who'd had a child with a previous partner but was now expecting with his new wife and was a know it all with a horror story for every occasion.

Paired with a group leader who spend four of the six sessions talking specifically about birth plans and pain relief and the fifth playing pan pipes moods style music while coaching us all on our breathing (my husband's face was a picture) it just felt like a waste of time. I learned loads more of practical use at the NHS antenatal session run by one of our community midwives, and made friends after DD's birth with people I met at her swim class and baby weigh in sessions.

I've heard so many people say how positive it was and loads of my friends have made life long friends through NCT but for me there was no-one in the group I actively wanted to see again (although that could be me being an antisocial bint - while baby sign language has been invaluable I found Sinf and Sign classes made me want to pull off my own ears too, much preferred the DVD at home! ;))

Before we started my husband was really anti going feeling it would all be knit your own yoghurt sorts and whale music. It wasn't that bad but I wish I'd actually saved the couple of hundred quid it cost and spent the money on DVD box sets to get us through the night feeds instead...

[albertcampionscat]

I'm not particularly posh and really like my NCT group. Lovely, supportive, non-judgemental people.

[officerhinrika]

See if there's a local NCT tea group in your area. I did the classes both times but a long time ago. They were excellent classes but I didn't particularly gel with the other members. The local tea group when we moved house 2 years later though was a lifeline in a new city. I am still friends with those Mums years later and another house move away. It will also get you involved with the nearly new sales etc.

[kidleypea]

Did it with my first. Was a mixture of people, we didn't really gel as a group although I still vaguely keep in touch with one or two of the mums I met.

Around where we live it is mainly White Middle/Upper Middle class types. Lovely but had nothing in common with them. I met lots of these type of mums when I was attending groups however apart from our babies we had nothing in common at all and I could tell they struggled to chat to me and my husband. As far as I know a lot of them stayed in touch as did their partners.

I found NCT a waste of money and quite isolating actually.

[derxa]

noticeably one woman who insisted on telling everyone (unasked) every week about their '£650,000 house they were doing £80,000 of work on before the baby was born and the builders were a NIGHTMARE' and a man ('Jonathan, never Jonny') who'd had a child with a previous partner but was now expecting with his new wife and was a know it all with a horror story for every occasion Isn't that part of the tapestry of life though. One of our group was a single parent and had older children. She went round to her ex husband's house with the express purpose of getting pregnant. Did so and had a lovely daughter. I could write a book about the characters in the group. They were great friends and great people.

[Fabsmum]

I teach NCT and would say that generally when it comes to the clients they get out what they put in.

If you have a critical mass of people are generous spirited, warm and open (and they come from any and all backgrounds) the course will be great.

BTW - the 'brown rice brigade' are all doing yoga and hypnosis for birth, not NCT.

[Oysterbabe]

She went round to her ex husband's house with the express purpose of getting pregnant. Did so and had a lovely daughter. I could write a book about the characters in the group. They were great friends and great people

She purposely tricked someone into getting her pregnant? That's not something a great person does tbf.

[Heatherbell1978]

I enjoyed NCT but wouldn't say I was best friends with any of them although we meet about once a month (bubs are 21 months). A couple of the women meet more regularly who work PT or are SAHM.
I definitely feel like one of the more relaxed mums in the group and a few of them are a bit high-maintenance to say the least. I was definitely frowned upon by a couple of them when I gave up breastfeeding at 5 months (the horror) and also when I admitted to feeding my toddler fish fingers. However when the little ones were tiny I think we all enjoyed the support and we'd regularly chat over a FB group.

[derxa]

I know Oyster but things worked out OK. She worked hard and supported her child. I liked her despite her behaviour.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

I didn't bother with NCT. 19 years old, unplanned pregnancy, full-time uni student renting a room in a student house... it was hardly going to be my scene plus all the meetings were in the daytime which isn't great when you're going straight back to uni afterwards, and our local one asks every mum to take turns to "host" at their house which wouldn't have worked out well

[byjimminey]

do the NCT realise how many parents to be they are excluding from joining them if they are expecting people to host events?? Is the their plan to be a bit of a private members club?

[MargaretCabbage]

I didn't do it as I was worried we'd be too working class and poor in comparison to everyone else, from what I've heard. The antenatal club I joined on here is absolutely brilliant though, amazing women who have kept me sane throughout this whole parenting experience.

[RaeSkywalker]

Ours is held in a room at a community centre, not somebody's house. It must vary area to area. I wonder if in some places they do this to keep the cost down if hiring a space is ridiculous money?

[Fabsmum]

"do the NCT realise how many parents to be they are excluding from joining them if they are expecting people to host events?? Is the their plan to be a bit of a private members club?"

They don't!

It's not the organisation itself which would have had any hand in that - it would have been a group of local mums with some sort of NCT connection who would have made a decision to meet up weekly at each other's houses.

The Bumps and Babies meets are held in church halls usually.

Have to say - I feel sad hearing so many people judging others as 'not their type' based on bugger all except income and class.

[Oysterbabe]

Ours was in a church hall.

[byjimminey]

Actually, I have just remembered my NCT experience. It was one of those sales the mothers have in a town hall. It was very middle class and I felt totally out of place. I was asking a seller how much their playmat was (I was youngish and didn't have much money so couldn't afford to buy new stuff or anything much really) when a loud confident mother to be interrupted and upon being told the price promptly said she wanted it.

I stood there a bit gobsmacked and felt totally embarrassed and invisible as I was ignored and I just sort of melted into the background and went home empty handed.

[helensburgh]

Very individual. I personally didn't make friends or enjoy any NCT events I went to.. but I could have gone a year later and had a v different experience.
I found the group v competitive and not supportive.
However I went to Andover group.and made life.long friends.
Give it a go

[Fabsmum]

"It was very middle class and I felt totally out of place"

Try

"It was very working class and I felt out of place"

There is some unpleasant reverse snobbery in a lot of these posts. Stereotyping people, making assumptions about their values and their morals on the basis of their accent, income, job or feeding choices is not ok, whether it's a m/c OR a w/c person on the receiving end of it.

[SouthDownsSunshine]

I think it depends on your town. Mine was a mix of folk - everyone works, mostly in the public sector. Not lentil weaving at all! I breastfed the longest, until 6 months. None of us used reusable nappies.

We didn't bond massively at the weekend course. But as soon as babies arrived we created a good and close bond. I would have been lost without them to be honest.

[BrieAndChilli]

When I had my eldest 9 years ago the midwives did a 6 week long new mothers class. You went to it when your baby was around 6 weeks old as one week was baby first aid, another covered development, another weaning, one week we did baby massage etc.
There was about 8 of us and varied from a very young mum renting to older mum with a million pound house!
We then all met up weekly while on maternity then were friends for years, some dropped by the wayside and a couple moved away, only 2 of us left now and the boys are in the same class at school (and have the same birthday!)
Might be worth seeing if anything similar in your area?

[christinarossetti]

It was for me. There wasn't one in the immediate area that we lived (in London) so we went a 20 min or so drive away, to an area which was much more expensive.

It wasn't the distance, but life experiences, attitudes and expectations that alienated us. I used to see the other mums (and am still in vague contact with some), but couldn't relate to so much of what they were talking about.

One started in my local area a year or so later and I know people that made very good friends through that, and I wish I had had that opportunity.

[summeraupair]

Following this thread with interest... due in October too and thought I couldn't afford NCT, but then found out about the low-income discount and thought I might as well give it a go! (Getting offered over £100 off, would be rude not to )

I've been feeling a bit the same as you, OP, like I'd be out of place. I'm 26 and look younger, both my husband and I work in retail, and we're full-on eyeliner-wearing metalheads (both of us). Really hoping I get a nice group like so many people on this thread, none of my local friends have started this procreation malarkey yet.