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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told DH to fend for himself. AIBU?

389 replies

arghhythu · 21/05/2016 18:02

DH is sulking upstairs because I'm not cooking for him. He's 32.

He's very used to getting his own way and until recently I've probably enabled him. I've always cooked because I got in from work first. He likes home cooked food, preferably requiring a lot of effort.

Now 3 month old DD is here so meals have changed. Things that are easy to prepare but still always ready when he gets home. This apparently isn't good enough. He wants "proper" food. Not willing to cook it himself, though.

Things came to a head today when he walked in and moaned about the salmon in the freezer. I told him to cook his own food and he said he can't. So I'm not going to cook for him anymore. He can shop and cook himself, right?

He does very, very little with DD and won't do housework.

AIBU to let him starve and just feed myself?

OP posts:
NoCapes · 21/05/2016 18:04

I think you already know YANBU
He sounds like a peach

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy · 21/05/2016 18:05

YANBU!! He can't cook? Can he do a job well enough to be employed? Drive? Dress himself? Of course he can. He can cook he just expects you to.

He isn't going to starve. Leave him to it!

TheSparrowhawk · 21/05/2016 18:05

YANBU. He sounds like a total idiot.

Toocold · 21/05/2016 18:05

Nope yanbu, he is a grown man and therefore I assume can read a recipe book and work an oven!

AvaLeStrange · 21/05/2016 18:05

Absolutely not UR...sounds like he needs to grow up pronto.

Original poster
arghhythu · 21/05/2016 18:05

My Google searches about divorce are rather telling.

OP posts:
Londonmum14 · 21/05/2016 18:06

How did the man-child cope before you met? Shock

WorraLiberty · 21/05/2016 18:07

I think you know the answer.

Everyone can cook if they can be arsed to learn.

leelu66 · 21/05/2016 18:07

Hallelujah, I say :)

I wouldn't do his laundry or washing up either.

A husband is supposed to be a partner not a superior.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 21/05/2016 18:07

Definitely leave him to it.

And he gives you grief about it ask him if he thinks he is living in 1950? And then tell him to fuck off.

Afreshstartplease · 21/05/2016 18:08

Yanbu put your foot down now or you will be stuck mothering him for years

gamerchick · 21/05/2016 18:09

Does he know how much faff goes into his preferred meals? If this is the only issue I think I would print out the recipes for his favourite dishes so he can see for himself but If this is the last straw then let him crack on.

He may get a bit spiteful if he's stropping.

Original poster
arghhythu · 21/05/2016 18:09

Mommy did everything before we met.

He's now stormed out. Bless him. I think this is the last straw for me, I really don't have the patience anymore.

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 21/05/2016 18:09

YANBU- if he can read he can follow a recipe, he's simply choosing not to. What a pathetic excuse on his behalf!

OohMavis · 21/05/2016 18:10

Christ, yanbu.

Crispbutty · 21/05/2016 18:10

My ex husband was like this. Note "ex".

There were many reasons why we eventually split but his bone idle attitude and treating me like his maid was the factor that made me regret marrying from the start. His sulking turned to mental and physical abuse when I stopped doing everything and told him he had to do his share. Yanbu.

EllaHen · 21/05/2016 18:11

He needs to cook and he most definitely needs to do housework.

YANBU

Unless a wind up merchant comes on I reckon you will get 100% YANBU responses.

Dollius01 · 21/05/2016 18:13

FFS what a total loser. The more I read about these idiots on here, the more I despair for the future of the human race

AnyFucker · 21/05/2016 18:15

What exactly is the use of him ?

MadSprocker · 21/05/2016 18:15

He needs to learn to look after himself. My 13yr old can cook basic meals. The thing that really pisses me off is that men are perfectly capable of using gadgets, but get confused by a dial on a washing machine.

Original poster
arghhythu · 21/05/2016 18:15

I really didn't see it until we had a child. Now I'm struggling to be in the same room as him!

OP posts:
TheSolitaryBoojum · 21/05/2016 18:18

YANBU.
He needs a student cookbook of basic recipes and an understanding that he's not the dependent child in your family. Either you both get used to simple and uncomplicated food, or if he wants complicated and home-made from scratch, he embarks on a voyage of discovery and finds out how to do them for you both.
But huffing and grumping and going hungry rather than manage for himself?
DS tried that around 16 or so, but I persevered and now he's a good, basic cook. It's a shame that your DH didn't have some tough love of a similar nature when he was a teenager.
Would he rather be divorced than grow up? He'll end up doing a lot more cooking if that happens.

mineofuselessinformation · 21/05/2016 18:18

Make sure you eat something while he's out sulking.

MadSprocker · 21/05/2016 18:19

A lot of men I know quite well become a bit like toddlers when babies are born. I think it is because there is something that is more important than them in the relationship. They soon learnt to suck it up and have become great fathers.

Topseyt · 21/05/2016 18:20

You are not being at all unreasonable.

He complained that your cooking was no longer meeting his exacting standards now that you are looking after a new baby, whilst at the same time rarely caring for the baby himself.

If he doesn't like what you are putting on the table he can cook for himself, or learn to. You are not running a restaurant for him.