Told DH to fend for himself. AIBU?

[arghhythu]

DH is sulking upstairs because I'm not cooking for him. He's 32.

He's very used to getting his own way and until recently I've probably enabled him. I've always cooked because I got in from work first. He likes home cooked food, preferably requiring a lot of effort.

Now 3 month old DD is here so meals have changed. Things that are easy to prepare but still always ready when he gets home. This apparently isn't good enough. He wants "proper" food. Not willing to cook it himself, though.

Things came to a head today when he walked in and moaned about the salmon in the freezer. I told him to cook his own food and he said he can't. So I'm not going to cook for him anymore. He can shop and cook himself, right?

He does very, very little with DD and won't do housework.

AIBU to let him starve and just feed myself?

What a waste of space he sounds!

I need to ask though - what was his problem with the salmon? It can be cooked from frozen in about half an hour!

What an arse, stand firm OP you are totally in the right here

DH has just got back from collecting DC. I could have had dinner in the oven. For irrelevant reasons I haven't though I put the oven on. I explained to DH why I wanted him to cook. Gave me a hug and dinner is now in the oven. Joint partnership. Grown ups. Decent.

I'm so sorry you are married to someone not like that but an overgrown jealous toddler.

So he can't cook himself but expects a home made meal cooked from scratch every night? WTF?!

Don't cook for the lazy, ungrateful dinosaur anymore. And tell him to pick up a bloody cook book and learn to do it for himself, seeing as your cooking doesn't match up to his high standards

There is nothing as unattractive as infantile behaviour in adults.

DH is in the kitchen cooking tea from scratch, I'm watching the football. Mummy did everything for him growing up, but as an adult he was able to work out for himself that he needed to cook and do half the work around the house.

I'll be clearing up later.

Once, in the dim and distant past of the late 80s, my husband said he didn't feel like what I'd planned for dinner. From that day, until about 5 years ago, he cooked every dinner, every night, after he got in from work. I now batch cook and freeze a lot of meals and each morning we decide between us what we're going to have that evening

Time for him to shape up or ship out - whingeing and sulking is so unattractive - never mind selfish and lazy - what a twat

DH had one of those mothers who did everything for him and was unable to cook or even boil a kettle reliably when we met. The difference is that he never complained about my food and was willing to learn and now 25 years on he is a much better cook than I am and does most of the cooking in our house even though he works full time in a stressful job. He would never dare to treat me as your DH is treating you. You are so NBU.

You know what my 10 year old said yesterday evening when we got in?

He said "mum what will I put on for dinner?"

Hes ten.

All these 'men' that cant feed themselves? Fucking pathetic.

I don't think my FIL can cook (he doesn't know how to turn on the oven or work the microwave, anyway) but he eats everything MIL (or anyone else) makes with appreciation and does all the tidying up and washing up. Plus always pays for any meal out or fetches any takeaway. As any reasonable recipient would! YADDDNBU.

Yours needs to cook or discover COOK.

I think there's quite a lot to be said for the phrase "Are you fucking kidding me?" in these circumstances.

If he's just thoughtless it'll bring him back to his senses. If he's beyond help you'll find out quickly.

I'd also be tempted to suggest that if he wants mothering he fucks off back to his mother's.

Is she sensible? Would she give him an earful or a shoulder to cry on?

It's amazing how many of us don't realize we have a man-child on our hands until we have a 'real' child to compare him to. Or how many of them turn into man-children when they realize they have to 'share' you with that child.

He sounds like a dick.

Fuck that for a lark, he obviously wants a 1950s style housewife.

I have complete sympathy for you OP and YNBU, however I am mystified about the salmon in the freezer. Is it because it was frozen salmon and you had not freshly caught it and gutted it today or was it because that is what he thought you were going to cook today?

He sounds delightful

When both of my dc's were 3 months old, I really struggled to get dinner done, or even started - as 9 times out of 10 that would be the time they would decide to get grumpy and cry. You know what dp did/still does? Sucks it up, and takes over the cooking instead. He's also never once complained that dinner isn't ready for when he gets home (although I do try and aim for that, doesn't uasually work out that way though). That's what proper grown ups in grown up relationships do.

I don't buy the 'can't cook' thing either. More like 'won't cook'. I didn't really know how to cook short of shoving freezer food in the oven but i learnt and am still learning years later. It's not difficult to follow a recipe afterall.

Sounds like you'd be better off without him.

Why are you still married to this man-child?

You're being treated like the maid and nanny, not his equal.

Well. Tonight turned into him having a strip and locking himself in the bedroom. Says he'll get custody of DD if I leave.

I am far too tired for this.

You've got a man child. What a dick. Stop doing anything for him. Is he one of these men that thinks that because they work they get to do fuck all at home including parenting? Fuck that. You and your DD deserve more.

Strop. Not strip. Obviously.

He won't get custody, it's just something he's throwing at you to stop you leaving. You're the main carer.

Remember this Arghhyhu. He will fight nasty. What a cunt.

Why would even consider having a baby with this man?

Says he'll get custody of DD if I leave

And how will he feed her? Go out each night for fish and fucking chips?

You are the main carer.

These days there is no such thin as "custody"

he is talking bollocks. Tell the stupid fucker to educate himself