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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting friend brought a man home.

425 replies

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/05/2016 07:39

Not sure on this one. I live with dh in a little 2 bed. Friend has been staying with us all week whilst in our area with her work. We've had a lovely week. Last night she went out with some other people and brought a man home unannounced.

I feel really uncomfortable about this and also like it's a real cheek! She leaves today. We were going to have a nice breakfast but I dont want to make idle small talk with strangers in my own house first thing!

So... aibu to feel this way and wibu to say something?!

OP posts:
whois · 21/05/2016 09:12

It's not ideal but you are all quite young and there are no kids and she isn't cheating on a partner.

If probably send a text like "OMG did you get with a man last night?? Get rid so we can talk! I'll do is a fry up in 30 mins xx"

Original poster
RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/05/2016 09:13

Right sorry for delay! Just after 8 I got up to shower and they were both downstairs. By the time I was clean he had gone. Sorry I cant comment on hotness! She's made no apology, but I am now sitting in the car having made a swift exit without the nice breakfast. I did leave dh in the house. Sorry dh.

The airing cupboard was open but presumably that was someone failing to find the bathroom.

OP posts:
Geepee71 · 21/05/2016 09:14

Hope you've managed to get off for your shopping OP, can you update us later?

inlovewithhubby · 21/05/2016 09:16

I'm another reading initially from my age and circumstances and then changing my view when I found out the op's. At mid 20s, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at this. And more to the point your hubby let him in so he did have permission to be there, however much you now want to retract it. Think your beef ought to be with your OH rather than mate.

And second what others are saying, she'll have hangover as well as British (sexually slightly repressed) guilt, give her a break. And a fry up.

Gabilan · 21/05/2016 09:16

Friends don't police each other's sexuality.

It's not about policing her sexuality. If you're invited to stay at a friend's house, the invitation is to you, not you and whoever you pick up. I wouldn't end a friendship over it or kick either of them out. I'd be a bit pissed off for a while though. She can shag whatever consenting adult she wants to shag - just in her own home, or a hotel she's paid for.

seeyounearertime · 21/05/2016 09:18

That's incredibly rude, bringing some random into your home for a drunken fumble? Fuck that, I'd have been up and kicked them both out when they came back. Maybe it's an over reaction but my home is noones knocking shop but mine. Grin

DoinItFine · 21/05/2016 09:19

your hubby let him in so he did have permission to be there,

Maybe for insurance purposes.

For manners purposes she imposed an uninvited overnight guest on her hosts.

Not cool.

AnyFucker · 21/05/2016 09:19

I have tried to work myself up into an indignant rage about this

I failed.

dulcefarniente · 21/05/2016 09:20

I'd send a text asking why there was a random in the house. If it was a drunken mistake you've given her the ammo to get him out of the house sharpish. If not she'll know it was bad move ( I was going to say "she'd know she'd cocked up" but thought that was obvious Wink )

PovertyPain · 21/05/2016 09:22

It really doesn't matter if anyone else finds it acceptable OP, it's your house so you have a right to feel pissed off.

Piemernator · 21/05/2016 09:23

As its an adults only house and you haven't been murdered in your beds I'm having a you go girl moment!

What did he look like?

SinisterBumFacedCat · 21/05/2016 09:24

It's a bit fucking cheeky of your friend. But she's young and probably a bit gormless. She should wash the sheets, might send a subtle message of disapprove.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 21/05/2016 09:25

Maybe a bit cheeky, but no more than that. I'm trying to think - at that age DH and I were married and living in a London flat. I really don't think I'd have been bothered - more likely to have enjoyed making them both cringe the next morning Grin. Now, at 40-something in a house with 2 DC I would be less forgiving!

Micah · 21/05/2016 09:25

She's an adult, there are no kids in the house.

I wouldn't have a big problem with it. It happened all the time when i lived in shared housing.

Better her come back to yours than go to his where nobody knows where she is.

Lweji · 21/05/2016 09:26

It happened all the time when i lived in shared housing.

This is totally NOT the same thing...

DoinItFine · 21/05/2016 09:27

It's not shared housing.

She's a guest.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 21/05/2016 09:28

For me it's the lack of respect.

If it was me and I got a text saying "met a really hot guy, I don't suppose I can bring him back to can I?" I'd probably laugh and say yes. Not being asked would piss me off far more than him being there, iyswim.

NotYoda · 21/05/2016 09:29

Also, she'd not that young

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 21/05/2016 09:32

This would totally send me into a furious rage. And if be even more pissed off that I didn't get to confront both of them and even worse the friend's brazen attitude no apology just hoping you won't have noticed!!

Everyone has different boundaries but kids or no kids - my house, my rules and there is no fricking way a guest invites someone else in without my permission. I would have knocked on their door at 8am given them both an evil glare and said 'before you both leave you can strip the bed, take the sheets with you to wash at your own place and leave me the money for replacement sheets'

Bloody cheek! And no way would I ever be using sheets with a friend and strangers crap on it. Gross.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/05/2016 09:36

Is friend coming back later or leaving today?!

Bit rude for her not to apologise, maybe she was embarrassed maybe she hoped to brazen it out but at least he's gone.

I think when you're back if she's there see how the land lies maybe add a comment but unless you're really offended maybe if she asks to stay again just say no.... Meet her if she's in your town next etc but no overnight stays. You don't need to explain why really do you?!

AnyFucker · 21/05/2016 09:37

Gosh, I'llstart, how on earth do you manage to bring yourself to stay in a hotel?

BurnTheBlackSuit · 21/05/2016 09:38

It is rude and not acceptable, but I can see how it could happen unintentionally. When you're in your mid 20s and drunk, you probably forget that it wouldn't be polite.

The random shag could turn out to be a colleague whom she now starts a long term relationship with, gets married and lives happily ever after. I'm a romantic me!

RaskolnikovsGarret · 21/05/2016 09:38

What about the sheets, OP? That's the only bit a clean freak like me world be worried about!?

corythatwas · 21/05/2016 09:40

Nothing to do with fear of axe murdering or wishing to police other people's sexuality: it's plain poor manners. It's forgetting the difference between being in your own home (whether as the house owner or the tenant/lodger) and being the guest in somebody else's home.

Whocansay · 21/05/2016 09:40

I think people are being very harsh here. She was a bit drunk and brought someone back. They didn't trash the place. She'll probably apologise once she's woken up a bit. She's probably still a bit hungover. This is not the crime of the century.

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