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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting friend brought a man home.

425 replies

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/05/2016 07:39

Not sure on this one. I live with dh in a little 2 bed. Friend has been staying with us all week whilst in our area with her work. We've had a lovely week. Last night she went out with some other people and brought a man home unannounced.

I feel really uncomfortable about this and also like it's a real cheek! She leaves today. We were going to have a nice breakfast but I dont want to make idle small talk with strangers in my own house first thing!

So... aibu to feel this way and wibu to say something?!

OP posts:
Toddzoid · 23/05/2016 12:49

"British it out" Grin.

Rude personified. You can't invite whoever you feel like into someone else's house ffs. They also could be anyone and could quite easily have robbed you blind! Maybe over dramatic but it's true...

Beeziekn33ze · 23/05/2016 14:28

Micah - the point is that OP's houseguest DID bring in a complete random, there's been no mention of him being a 'friend of a friend' or otherwise known or even traceable.

EverySongbirdSays · 23/05/2016 18:32

It's disrespect. Do what you want in your own home. Don't go spraying your fluids into someone else's sheets with a randomer.

Hasn't happened to me - has happened to a friend. They are religious and found it extra offensive from that view. Yes the other people don't need to share their belief but need to respect it in their home.

TheVillageTaxpayer · 23/05/2016 18:35

Rolling my eyes at those who think the friend's conduct was acceptable or that not wanting some random pub pick-up sleeping under one's roof is a sign of being uptight, anti-sex or emblematic of a closed-minded culture.

Also rolling eyes at those patting themselves on the back for being "welcoming."

Discretion is the better part of valour. Guest etiquette going back a hundred years or more is quite clear that one doesn't invite one's own ..acquaintances ... to the home of one's host. No matter the reason. And certainly one doesn't do so without even consulting said host before putting him/her on the spot with an unexpected stranger. Did the friend not have a mobile?

OP's guest was sloppy, selfish and inconsiderate. If she were my "friend" she wouldn't be receiving any further hospitality.

VestalVirgin · 23/05/2016 18:38

Most of the comments on this are so intolerant that I'm ashamed to call myself British.

Don't worry about me, I'm from mainland Europe.

Still wouldn't want complete strangers in my home, much less male ones.

Hospitality was invented when there were no hotels. And being a guest had its duties attached back then. You'd be expected to not endanger anyone living in the house you stay in, for example.

EverySongbirdSays · 23/05/2016 18:41

Everything VillageTaxpayer has said is spot on.

JigokuShojou · 23/05/2016 18:51

Call 999. Now, before he takes anything.

Lovelittlethings · 23/05/2016 19:06

My brother did that once when he was staying with me, and it turned out the lucky lady was one of my friends!

Lweji · 23/05/2016 19:31

Don't worry about me, I'm from mainland Europe.

Me too.
Mainland Europe.
Not married.
No strangers allowed.

inarmsofanangel · 23/05/2016 19:46

I'd be livid whatever age I was

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 23/05/2016 19:50

Grin at the posters falling over themselves to be the coolest and most laid-back.

What is fine your teens and early 20's can be pretty inconsiderate/inappropriate behaviour when you're a bit older.

dorisdog · 23/05/2016 21:02

It depends what kind of friends you are. My two bestest and baddest friends would totally do this (and vice versa) back in the day. And I'd either give them the thumbs up, ridicule them, or have a quiet chat about their drinking levels...depending on what I thought might be warranted.

Your house, your rules, I guess. All the posts about 'shaming' her and stained sheet, tho. Christ! It's the Tinder era.

dorisdog · 23/05/2016 21:12

What!!? I've just realised she is 26 and you are 28! Seriously, from the way you were acting I thought you must all be in your 40s....:-/

Lweji · 23/05/2016 21:15

Random male strangers don't become more dangerous or safer according to our age.

It was for the OP to accept the risk or not, not her guest. Regardless of their ages.

mammamic · 23/05/2016 21:44

Age, married, kids, alcohol - all irrelevant.

I would be fuming. And he would Not have stayed in my house. I would have told him to leave.

Totally rude. And also - call me old fashioned but sex with some random. Really? And at someone else's house? Couldn't she go 5 days without?

SuperFlyHigh · 23/05/2016 21:53

First I was doing one night stands up to age of 27...

No I wasn't trying to be cool woman here (with the others) I just like dorisdog thought it's a bit much of an overreaction. And that's taking all the hysteria around the safety aspect, one poster even said, some man she knew touched her rather than a stranger.

I think OP really doesn't know her friend as well as she thinks she does and obviously the moral compass of the friend is down in the gutter... Friend did apologise though, not as if she flung the semen stained sheet in the faces of OP and her DH is it?! In fact OP why don't you post a book on manners and etiquette to your friend just to rub it in some more??!!

Micah · 23/05/2016 22:44

Having had my mother visit for a week a friend shagging randoms would have been preferable. She's one i dont trust in my house.

In comparison, over the years she's invited a man in a shop who said he was a plumber round to refit a bath that didn't need refitting. She's invited someone in off the street who knocked on the door saying he was a window cleaner/gutter cleaner to give me a quote. Phoned people off flyers to clean windows/quote for garden clearance. Actually employed some of these people, with me paying for it.

One random from a mates one night stand seems fine :). At least i wouldn't have to pay him...

Woolyheads · 24/05/2016 06:37

I presumed you were worried about your DC as this is mums net. If there are no DC then your friends behaviour is normal. Maybe there's one on the way now...

Gabilan · 24/05/2016 07:31

Why is it normal if there aren't kids? You can be child free and still not want strange men in your house overnight.

SapphireStrange · 24/05/2016 10:30

If there are no DC then your friends behaviour is normal.

What? Confused

DP and I don't have children. If a friend of one of ours stayed over and brought someone back who we didn't know (to shag, for a coffee, whatever) they would get very short shrift and not be invited to stay again for quite some time.

What the jeff do children have to do with that? It's just basic manners when you're a guest.

Lweji · 24/05/2016 10:32

If there are no DC then your friends behaviour is normal.

Maybe people who think like this leave their doors open all night.

Pangurban1 · 24/05/2016 10:51

Your friend was a guest in your home. They overstepped the mark by inviting a stranger to the home of someone else without seeking permission.

Skylander01 · 24/05/2016 23:47

I think it depends on your friend. If she is young free and single, then no harm done. If my recently single friend did it, I wouldn't mind - probably laugh it off with her, but I would never dream of doing it myself, personally. Im not a prude either, but it's a question of respect.

toastedandbuttered · 24/05/2016 23:59

OP - why did you tell your friend it was hard to sleep with a stranger next door when you said you were already asleep when they got back? Just to make her feel bad?

I agree with Nick(I)!

And for once in my life, Anyfucker

CheerfulYank · 25/05/2016 00:52

Meh, I'm a big prude really and even I can't get too uptight about this given the circumstances.

When my brother (in his 30s) brought home a drunken shag to my COUCH with my CHILD sleeping upstairs, then I got uptight. Oh yes.

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