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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting friend brought a man home.

425 replies

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/05/2016 07:39

Not sure on this one. I live with dh in a little 2 bed. Friend has been staying with us all week whilst in our area with her work. We've had a lovely week. Last night she went out with some other people and brought a man home unannounced.

I feel really uncomfortable about this and also like it's a real cheek! She leaves today. We were going to have a nice breakfast but I dont want to make idle small talk with strangers in my own house first thing!

So... aibu to feel this way and wibu to say something?!

OP posts:
Lweji · 21/05/2016 09:40

And no way would I ever be using sheets with a friend and strangers crap on it.

It's normal body fluids. You wash them. Add some bleach if you're worried.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/05/2016 09:41

Not on same page but about 8 years ago I got drunk (was being bought drinks by colleagues and had started a new job 2 months earlier to trying to fit in) one who lived near me invited me back to her place despite me insisting no I was fine and could get a cab I was sick in their toilet, next thing I know she'd stuck me in her spare room. Fine until next morning when she was up and in my room like hyacinth bouquet chasing me out only offered herbal tea as she didn't drink caffeine and made me feel really bad.

I apologised bought sorry card, crocs etc for her for Monday but I hadn't asked to stay or get that drunk (she was buying shots etc) - I think she hadn't realised how drunk I'd got! I did point out to her one day (she ended up being a bit of a PA bully at work was known as office bitch) that I hadn't actually asked to go to her place or stay she'd taken it upon herself and I could've got a cab to my home which was 10 minutes by car from her house! She did actually agree to that. She found it funny to bitch about my "drunken episode" to work!

SuperFlyHigh · 21/05/2016 09:42

My story is that yes you can do daft things whilst young even as an adult.

corythatwas · 21/05/2016 09:42

The sheets wouldn't worry me at all. I just think it is rude to use somebody else's home as a hotel.

ChipperCharlie · 21/05/2016 09:43

Am slightly amused at the "she's done nowt wrong" posters here.

It's about respecting someone's home and right to privacy. In shared accommodation, then you'd have to accept it. She can shag who she wants in her personal space but to bring home random man to someone else's home is bad form.

You lot saying "it's fine" - have a think about waking up from a deep sleep, in your own home, to hear a strange bloke's voice, or even sex-noises that aren't your own. It would soon bring forth your froth, I guarantee it.

yorkshapudding · 21/05/2016 09:44

I'm really surprised at the number of posters saying OP shouldn't have an issue with this because"there are no kids in the house". So, just because the OP doesn't have kids she's not allowed to take issue with strange men being invited into her house in the middle of the night? Shock There's no DC's running around so friend is entitled to assume anything goes at OP's house, right? Just because OP and her DH are childless that doesn't mean they enjoy having to listen to their friend drunkenly shagging a stranger through the wall then making awkward conversation with them over breakfast anymore than those of you who have families.

I've no idea why people seem to think that you're only entitled to a bit of respect and consideration from visiting friends if you've got kids.

Gabilan · 21/05/2016 09:44

no way would I ever be using sheets with a friend and strangers crap on it. Gross

That's why you wash them. Same as hotels do - who knows what's been on them.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/05/2016 09:44

cory. FFS the friend was drunk, made a error of judgment, ok it was rude but i highly doubt she did it on purpose and wants to end the friendship because of it!!!

NickiFury · 21/05/2016 09:44

This would only bother me if I had kids in the house. With a good enough friend it would be something we would laugh about. I certainly wouldn't want to shame her about it. Probably pissed and made an error of judgment.

ChipperCharlie · 21/05/2016 09:45

OP isn't saying that it's the crime of a century, neither is anyone else. Hmm

But your home is your home is it not? Not a knocking shop for pissed-up mates.

Flumpnugget · 21/05/2016 09:45

Id be sniggering in a very childish way about this and would enjoy taking the piss.

If there were kids in the house, to have to explain why Aunty Karon brought her friend home would be inappropriate and out of order.

But it's grown ups. And you never know, he could be the man of her dreams and you may even get a mention in the wedding speech! ( puts down the mills & boon)

Go on, have a laugh about it!

Naoko · 21/05/2016 09:46

I don't know, is it just me that would be a bit wtf initially but then find it hilarious and take the piss relentlessly once randomer had gone?

SuperFlyHigh · 21/05/2016 09:47

chipper she was drunk... Also in a strange town, out with other people (maybe not friends) it's not like she could have gone home, got last tube home if she lived that way etc... She probably felt a bit trapped. Also as someone else said knowing ages and friendship she probably thought OP wouldn't mind - but obv she does!

Not crime of century though!!!

acasualobserver · 21/05/2016 09:47

I apologised bought sorry card, crocs etc for her for Monday

A pair of rubber sandals? What an unusual way of apologising!

SuperFlyHigh · 21/05/2016 09:48

It would be hilarious if friend and shag did get married though... One speech to save for their wedding OP.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/05/2016 09:49

acasual no chocs!!! Chocolate

Annarose2014 · 21/05/2016 09:49

When you're a guest in.someones house, the least you can do is repay them by not shagging a randomer in the room next door and leaving your stiff crackly sheets for them to have to change! Bleeeugh!

I once had a house guest in my hedonistic 20s. She went out for the night and at 2am I was woken up by the radiator in my room rattling. I couldn't figure out what was going on till I heard......noises. And twigged she and some random bloke were shagging next door and we're banging into their radiator which was connected by a pipe to mine and mine was hanging in sympathy.

Even though we were young I still found it pretty yeeeuuch tbh. And wasn't mad about some strange bloke in my house.

OP If she's left for good now and left her cum sheets behind I'd be raging.

Whocansay · 21/05/2016 09:50

The OP said nothing about 'sex noises' ffs. This guy could be a mate who missed his train! We know nothing about what they did or who he was!

And I would tar her over the 'lack of respect'. At worst this is a drunken faux pas. I'm surprised some of you lot have any friends at all.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 21/05/2016 09:50

Text your DH. Get him to get her to strip the bed. It's the least she can do

SuperFlyHigh · 21/05/2016 09:51

acasual Autocorrect fail! I wouldn't buy crocs for my worst enemy! Grin

notapizzaeater · 21/05/2016 09:52

Will you see her when you get home ? I'd be laying down some house rules for the future !

AgentProvocateur · 21/05/2016 09:55

A lot of you will need to chill a bit before your DC are teens, when you'll often wake up to a random pair of shoes in the kitchen belonging to someone who needed a bed.

frenchielala · 21/05/2016 09:55

Whilst I understand that you may be a off about having someone you don't know brought into your home without your permission I wouldn't take it to heart and if you are really bothered ask her not to do it in future. Presumably you know and trust your friend and hopefully trust her judgement.

If it were my friend, in my house I would be looking forward to seeing them all sheepish in the morning. I might have even taken them in a cup of tea each like a mum out to embarrass her teenager!

It would make me laugh - life is too short to get too worked up about this kind of thing.

DoinItFine · 21/05/2016 09:55

I'm failing to see what's funny about this.

By mid 20s pulling someone on a night out is barely worthy of mention, never mind something to get hours of laughs over.

It's just grim to invite a stranger around, in the middle of the night, to a house in which you a guest.

There really isn't any excuse for being so rude - not drunkenness, not horniness.

Your friends are good enough to welcome you into their home for a whole week and you repay them by extending midnight invitations to strangers to sleep over.

Just no.

ElspethFlashman · 21/05/2016 09:55

Her DH was still up and saw them. If he'd been some poor unfortunate who had missed his train I'm sure they would have said so. And might have asked if he could crash on the sofa.

Not been plastered and gone straight up to her room.

Not that it makes any difference tbh, it wasn't her home to invite people back to. She could presumably have gone back to his.

Unless he lives with his parents.....

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