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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting friend brought a man home.

425 replies

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/05/2016 07:39

Not sure on this one. I live with dh in a little 2 bed. Friend has been staying with us all week whilst in our area with her work. We've had a lovely week. Last night she went out with some other people and brought a man home unannounced.

I feel really uncomfortable about this and also like it's a real cheek! She leaves today. We were going to have a nice breakfast but I dont want to make idle small talk with strangers in my own house first thing!

So... aibu to feel this way and wibu to say something?!

OP posts:
EBearhug · 22/05/2016 17:08

I do wonder if she will see him again...

You never know - one of my former housemates ended up marrying one if her drunken one night stands. (Obviously it turned out not to be the one night.) Probably not that common an outcome, though.

You realise you will now have to let the whole of MN know if it does happen, though! Grin

I'm glad she's apologised and I'm glad you're still speaking - that's the right outcome.

specialsubject · 22/05/2016 17:39

As I recall when you are invited to stay with someone, you don't bring someone else without asking first. Whether it is for polite conversation or a game of hide the sausage is irrelevant.

Getting pissed and bringing a random home isn't very bright, and doing it in someone else's house even less do. Being too slammed to think straight is not an excuse.

I hope the chocs were good.

Vitchling · 22/05/2016 17:51

Most of the comments on this are so intolerant that I'm ashamed to call myself British.

Yes, it was unexpected and unwelcome but is it such a big deal that 24,000 people on Mumsnet have read it and 351 have felt compelled to post?

I'm from Yorkshire. We welcome strangers. They're thought of as friends we don't know yet. We chat to strangers in shops and pubs and even on the streets and buses. We're not frightened of them. We're strangers to anyone we don't know but we know how to behave ourselves. Politely.

When I was young, I hitch hiked a lot. Even to school sometimes. Now I'm older I give lifts to hitch hikers. I never once had a problem and was always treated with great respect.

Sometimes people do misbehave, strangers and people we know. We deal with it. Mostly, they don't misbehave.

If a friend of mine was staying with me for a while and she brought a guy home with her I'd be delighted for her. It could be the love of her life or her new husband. It may be just a one night stand but that's not for me to judge. So long as he doesn't trash my place I'd be happy for her and assume that she'll be responsible for him.

I'd also do a specially good breakfast because that's what Yorkshire folk call hospitality.

Sure. I have to wash the sheets but who wouldn't wash the sheets anyway? Would she really leave dirty sheets there for the next visitor because girls that are your friends are so clean? Eugh.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 22/05/2016 18:06

Vitchling

I can't believe you are speaking on behalf of "yorkshire". Why not speak on behalf of people with no manners and no class (like yourself)?

NicknameUsed · 22/05/2016 18:08

I live in Yorkshire and I don't know anyone who would welcome a complete stranger in their house under those circumstances.

Speak for yourself. You're on your own here.

Lweji · 22/05/2016 18:09

So long as he doesn't trash my place

And there you go...

specialsubject · 22/05/2016 18:20

House, not hotel. Even in Yorkshire ?

LollieB · 22/05/2016 18:35

Vitchling AirBnB must be doing crap business up north if you can just rock up and stay in anyone's house.

limitedperiodonly · 22/05/2016 19:00

On behalf of the whole of London, I will say that we wouldn't even make eye contact with this bloke in the morning. But if he stood on the wrong side of the staircase, he'd be dead meat.

maggiethemagpie · 22/05/2016 19:04

It's a bit rude but not horrendously so. Reminds me of the night I met my husband, at a new years party and was staying with some friends. One of them was at the party but left early. I texted him to see if he was still up and begged him to let me bring my fella home. (and no, we didn't do it that night. We really did just cuddle up). If he'd said no, I wouldn't be with hubby today!

Sallystyle · 22/05/2016 19:06

This whole thread is full of smug marrieds who don't seem to think single role are entitled to have casual sex.

Not in my house you aren't.

Have as much sex as you want, but don't bring a stranger into my home for a shag, or a coffee, or a game of chess. I don't want strangers in my home, simple as that.

Do it once and you won't be getting enough chance to do it. My husband would have never let him in though, he is paranoid about security would panic about the idea of the man stealing our stuff.

Sallystyle · 22/05/2016 19:09

another*

LollieB · 22/05/2016 19:17

Maggiethemagpie wouldn't you have just have exchanged numbers and met up another time? Was him staying that particular night imperative to the success of your relationship?

maggiethemagpie · 22/05/2016 19:40

Hell yeah LollieB, we stayed together til January 2nd and then started a relationship! We both lived in different cities so would have been unlikely to have made the effort to meet up again if we'd not had the two day fling to begin with.

I actually thought there was zero chance of us having a relationship due to the distance, so thought I'd 'make hay whilst the sun shone' so to speak (but not at matey's house, we got a hotel the second night) and then lo and behold we started a long distance relationship and now are married!

So OP who knows you may have to start looking for a new hat soon!

LollieB · 22/05/2016 20:06

Maggiethemagpie that's a lovely story Smile

Icrackedup · 22/05/2016 20:11

You haven't addressed the safety issues. Did you see my post about random men coming in to my bedroom. You think it's unreasonable to be scared of that??

I stayed with a friend once. The second night her husband came into my room when I was asleep and started touching me.

I don't visit people for more than an hour these days.

She thought her husband was trustworthy too. Still does, hence her being an ex friend.

Micah · 22/05/2016 21:04

*You haven't addressed the safety issues. Did you see my post about random men coming in to my bedroom. You think it's unreasonable to be scared of that??

I stayed with a friend once. The second night her husband came into my room when I was asleep and started touching me*

Exactly. Personally i wouldn't want a friend of mine to be putting herself at huge risk going to a blokes house, by herself, with no one knowing where she is.

I don't buy into the "guest" thing though. I expect people to muck in and treat the place as their own. Anyone staying at my house i trust completely.

Also, when mates or housemates guests have brought blokes back, they're never completely random. Usually friends of friends or something.

turncornmeal · 22/05/2016 22:25

Thanks all, this has made yummy reading!

blindsider · 22/05/2016 23:35

Ooh Ms. Fury's a keeper Hmm

Interesting she thinks being 'a friend' is a one way street.

Skittlesss · 23/05/2016 07:58

Errr, vitchling, speak for yourself! This yorkshire lass thinks the exact opposite of you!

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 23/05/2016 11:08

Btw this thread is hilariously mumsnet. Half the thread is full of posters who - if this was a husband letting his work colleague stay over after a late night out - would be screaming LTB whilst passing over the number for women's aid.

cough anyfucker cough.

LookJustCancelTheCheque · 23/05/2016 11:14

"This whole thread is full of smug marrieds who don't seem to think single role are entitled to have casual sex."

This and all comments along those lines are a bag of shite.

It's not about who a single person is or isn't shagging. It's about someone who's a guest in your house bringing back a stranger.

NicknameUsed · 23/05/2016 12:33

I agree. They are totally missing the point.

DoinItFine · 23/05/2016 12:39

Anyone staying at my house i trust completely.

So you trust pretty much anyone "completely", then?

Since it's fine to invite anyone back.

I hope your complete trust in complate strangers continues to work out for you.

Buglife · 23/05/2016 12:46

I doubt the OP is saying her friend can't have sex or judging her for a one night stand, it's that it is very rude to bring a complete stranger back to a house you are staying in without asking first. I am happy to let any friends stay with me even at short notice but I would be very unhappy with them turning up with someone I have never met. My home is my home and I am the one who says who comes in and who doesn't. It's not a hotel. I just invited a close friend to come with her new boyfriend who I haven't met because i really want to see her and meet him, so I'm not anti meeting new people but it should be MY CHOICE who comes to stay. It would make me very uncomfortable.

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