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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting friend brought a man home.

425 replies

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/05/2016 07:39

Not sure on this one. I live with dh in a little 2 bed. Friend has been staying with us all week whilst in our area with her work. We've had a lovely week. Last night she went out with some other people and brought a man home unannounced.

I feel really uncomfortable about this and also like it's a real cheek! She leaves today. We were going to have a nice breakfast but I dont want to make idle small talk with strangers in my own house first thing!

So... aibu to feel this way and wibu to say something?!

OP posts:
Periggy · 22/05/2016 11:04

Yyyy Nicki.

Shame on you all, you've ruined my attempt to get a national catchphrase going and made me (a somewhat introverted and reserved prude) feel like a liberated sexaholic in comparison!

I mean, I'm all for cutting off toxic people or malicious arseholes and routinely bicker on the "going NC" threads that anyone has the right to do it ... but even I draw the line at mates who make a one-off embarrassing fuck-up.

Op hope you can both move past this and put it behind you - please don't be judgemental when you meet up, just grin, move past it and let people know your "house rules" politely in future so you avoid it happening again!

Gwenhwyfar · 22/05/2016 11:07

"let people know your "house rules" politely in future so you avoid it happening again!"

So it's the OP's fault for not having a list of bleeding obvious house rules??

LyndaNotLinda · 22/05/2016 11:08

Do you really need to tell adult guests that it's not okay to invite random people into your home?

Really?

Jimjamjoos · 22/05/2016 11:11

I'm with you Nicky, as per my response at the start of the thread. In my 20s we would have dissected his cock size, positions and orgasm-giving abilities. We then would have over analysed if she would see him again.

I'm glad I wasn't old before my time and so bloody judgemental. I don't think safety was the real issue; the op just did the like the thought of her mate shagging someone next door. Get over it people! Can't believe this thread is still going! "YOUNG SINGLE WOMAN BRINGS MAN BACK TO FRIEND'S HOUSE FOR SEX SHOCKER!"

SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2016 11:14

Nicki (and yes we had a spat on another post) I wholeheartedly agree with you.

It's highly unlikely there will be thefts, strange men wandering into rooms etc... The MNers this has happened to seem to be vastly overreacting to this as I've never had thefts, strange men wandering and I've had one night stands come to my place (or places!) and gone to theirs and had friends do similar.

A brief if need be (jokingly) please don't do that again if you stay next time. Etc..

It really isn't that bad or wrong to do this!

And I've been the single friend when younger (yes had boyfriends) and when I was single and going through a ONS phase I often got raised eyebrows and my female friends then kept a close eye on me because obviously (NOT) I'd be after their male partners! Hmm

Get a life MNers please. Don't be smug marrieds.

DoinItFine · 22/05/2016 11:14

I love how people are trying to pretend that this is about sexual morality and not just basic consideration of your hosts.

Of course she should be ashamed of bringing a random man to spend the night in someone else's home.

It is right to be embarrassed when you have taken the piss out of people's hospitality.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2016 11:17

Jimjam yes! In my 20s (see previous post) we actively and positively encouraged tales or experimentation re blokes and seeing if they'd suit as partners etc...

That's what some women do in their 20s...

Maybe OP is slightly jealous of the fact her friend can bring a nice man back, have sex and discard him (or not we don't know!) next day.

Alleycat1 · 22/05/2016 11:19

Thank goodness no friend of mine would even consider getting totally pissed whilst staying at a friend's home - that is out of order too. Any friend who brought back a stranger would never be invited back as it shows a complete lack of respect and basic good manners. Those of you who think it is ok - well, thank goodness you are not on my guest list.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2016 11:19

Doinit yes of course it was wrong but friend was probably drink, didn't know people she was out with, made a bad judgment and took bloke to OPs house... I doubt she makes a habit out of it...

I doubt she even intended for it to happen but sometimes these things do happen. And yes, she should've got a hotel but was maybe concerned if she didn't return to friends house friends would be worried about her (the friend was in bed so too late to text maybe?).

Gwenhwyfar · 22/05/2016 11:19

"
It's highly unlikely there will be thefts, strange men wandering into rooms etc"

It's not highly unlikely Super. As you'll know if you read my post, I knew that when my housemate brought strange men home it would only be a matter of time before one of them came into my bedroom. They're drunk and in a strange house. Of course they might go to the wrong door.

It also happened to me at a uni hall - I had a roommate who wouldn't lock the door. Lucky for me that I shared or I would have been quite scared when a 6ft tall man was walking towards my bed in his undies.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2016 11:20

Alley can I just make a cats bum face at you?!

So you have never ever been drunk or tipsy whilst at someone's house?! Yes right... Hmm

SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2016 11:21

Gwen but as I said a few pages back hardly any of these men will be Fred west/Yorkshire ripper.

Most men I knew used bathroom discreetly and went next day (or had breakfast), not in habit of raping or robbing like Vikings!

SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2016 11:22

You yourself gwen said might so you never saw these strange men yes?!

roarfeckingroar · 22/05/2016 11:23

My best friend did this recently. And it was on my sofa as no spare room. I had told her specifically not to bring anyone home but when she rocked back up at 3am and was pretty pissed off.

I woke up around 7am, hoovered around them and I think my exact words were "random man, it is time for you to leave." The poor sod seemed a bit confused and asked why; I told him I don't like strangers in my home and my friend knew this. He left swiftly after that and she bought us brunch to apologise and tell me hideous details - then washed the throw on my sofa herself.

ProphetOfDoom · 22/05/2016 11:23

When in our 20s my exH's pissed friend turned up with a girl, not the one he fancied but her best friend - stayed over - and in the morning they spent 2 noisy hours in our bathroom!

Roll on 15 years and I very blandly met him over a parent consultation table - he's my son's history teacher Grin

DailyMailFodder · 22/05/2016 11:24

Nicky. Wow, you are reading a lot into this thread that isn't there. I really wouldn't want some random in the house and it would have NOTHING to do with whether they were having sex or not. Have you ever read the frothing that goes on threads about meter readers 'invading' people's private homes. This is a whole step on from this.
If it were a shared rental it wouldn't be an issue at all. The OP has said that.
I'd be cross about it and I'd have sent a text or called her out on in.
It's got nothing to do with age or sex.

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/05/2016 11:24

"Most" men, SuperFly? If that leaves just one man who pukes over bathroom or wees on the floor and doesn't clear up, that's one too many for me.

Beeziekn33ze · 22/05/2016 11:26

Nothing more to say is there? A thread with a happy ending, and chocolates! 😀🍫

DoinItFine · 22/05/2016 11:27

No, these things don't "happen". Someone chooses them.

We have good friends who stay with us regularly. We give them a key and they come home at all hours and wake up to a nice fry.

They are practically family.

But I would be furious if they brought anyone back to our house in the middle of the night.

It's such a liberty to take.

At home they could bring a gang back, have someone sleep on the floor, whatever.

At ours, they can come in whenever they want, raid the fridge, whatever.

But I expect them to be reasonably quiet and I expect them not to bring anyone back.

I don't expect to have to tell them those rules, because they are so obvious to any adult guest.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/05/2016 11:29

Super - no in my case they DID walk into my bedroom. With all of them I knew there was a possibility they might, and indeed one of them DID. It's not hypothetical. You have a drunk man in a house he doesn't know, I knew it was inevitable that one of them would walk in one day. Yes, I know that the chances are they will realise what they've done and go back to the room they're supposed to be in without raping me, but it doesn't stop it being scary.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2016 11:31

Doinit it's obvious this is a friend from OPs schooldays that she doesn't see much (hence no key probably) wanted to catch up with OP whilst at conference for week.

Last night of conference met people drank a bit too much, made a unwise error to bring a man back probably hoping to sneak him out in morning, OP's DH saw, told OP who got angry and then Ensuing drama. If she'd come home with a key and the man and the man left next morning OP and DH would be none the wiser. Yes it's cheeky but yes it's not crime of century either!

SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2016 11:34

gwen actually apologies I did see you wrote that. That's not nice. To wake up to a strange man in your bedroom, but as most normal men do he left.

Seriously never heard of theft, sex crimes etc and if we had done these men would've been reported to police and blacklisted if we knew of them, as that is out of order. Maybe we were lucky who knows??

ShapeBandit77 · 22/05/2016 11:35

This sorta happened to us years ago. Had some lovely mates over for dinner and we were tucking in to a lovely meal when a random mate called to ask if she could pop by as she was in area. I wasn't keen, but said yes. She arrived half an hour later with a stranger she'd picked up enroute!! My DH had to chuck him out in the end as he became aggressive. He had apparently bought a few drinks for her and thought he was getting lucky. Dinner ruined.Angry and I have never seen her since. No respect.

Alleycat1 · 22/05/2016 11:47

Superfly
I have done lots of things in my time, but I have never disrespected a friend by getting drunk in their home and or by bringing back a complete stranger (to them) to their private space. I am not a prude (the clue is in my username) but whatever I may do I do in my own alley and don't embarrass or distress my friends or other people. Plain and simple,good manners are what enables us all to get on together.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/05/2016 11:49

Super, you can get raped at any time, I'm not really saying that the strange men are likely to rape the women of the house, just that it's obviously a scary thing for some women to have strange men in the house and that's why you shouldn't do it. Nothing to do with being smug married. I'm sure I'd feel safer if I was married than as a single woman with strange men roaming the house.

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