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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To withdraw an invitation to a houseguest?

207 replies

GuinevereBeck · 20/05/2016 15:23

About six weeks ago, my cousin contacted me telling me that his daughter was wanting to come to London in the summer (they’re Australian, his daughter is currently studying in Italy). He was asking did I know of any cheap accommodation/jobs that she could do? I could kind of guess where this was heading, but said I would ask among friends, and have a think about job opportunities. Sure enough, a few weeks later he asked would it be possible for her to stay with me when she first arrived while she sorted herself out. She’s meant to be due on the 21st. I’m not crazy about the idea of a barely-known 21-year-old staying in my house, but I said that would be absolutely fine for a little while (we have someone due to stay in June anyway), and she should get in touch with me. To be honest, I’m a little annoyed that this has all come through her dad - if she was sixteen I could understand it, but she’s 21 and living halfway round the world!

Eventually, last week I get an email from the girl herself (let’s call her Lucy). Lucy writes a nice email thanking me for the offer, how grateful she is, looking forward to seeing me, etc etc. Very nice, I think, and write her a kind email back telling her a bit about our area (in zone 6 so not exactly central!) and how we’d pick her up from the station if she lets me know when she’s arriving. Since then, I’ve heard nothing. I emailed her yesterday briefly asking her to confirm if she’s even coming on the 21st, and roughly what time. Still not heard anything. I’m getting rather pissed off now – I’m a bit uncomfortable about having an unknown relative to stay anyway as I like my own space, but the whole manner it’s been organised (i.e. through her dad rather than her) has not helped at all.

I told DH this morning that if I hadn’t heard from her by lunchtime I’d tell her it was all off. He thought that was really mean, saying she was just a kid, but she’s 21 and studying abroad!! If you want to stay with someone for free, I would have though telling them the basics, i.e. when you plan to arrive, was pretty standard! I’ve had to rearrange plans because I don’t know if/when to expect her. WIBU to say she’s had her chance, and if she can’t be bothered to get in touch with her plans she can’t be that interested in staying? (Disclaimer – I did meet her when she was 14 and found her a bit vapid and annoying – she’s fond of duck face poses on Instagram, and is very invested in her appearance (to be fair, she is stunning and has done some modelling). I think I am almost intimidated by the thought of having her stay, but I do feel like I’ve been treated a bit rudely.) Or am I just out of touch with the younger generation and expecting too much? I’m 37 and DH and I have no DC.

OP posts:
Babettescat · 22/05/2016 10:39

It will always be relevant blimmincheek- as long as my very polite UKIP voting British FIL tells me of the wonderful glorious empire that "gave your country X and Y".

But of course you are the queen of relevance. Or King. Should have checked with you first before saying a word.

Babettescat · 22/05/2016 10:43

But back to the very engaging OP - has the guest arrived?? My Sunday isn't going anywhere unless I know :-(

SanityClause · 22/05/2016 10:51

Any news, Guinevere?

To add my two pence worth to the Australian casual attitude to expecting to stay, I have lived within the M25 for over 20 years. I have five siblings, of whom 4 live in Australia, and have 6 nieces and nephews. I have 4 aunts and uncles and 9 first cousins, most of whom have families of their own.

The only people who have come to stay have been my sister and her husband, and my parents. Both have come twice. The second time my sister visited, they stayed only one night at our house, as they had booked accommodation for all the other nights. My BIL has visited during the day when he has been in London for work.

I am aware of at least two of my cousins having travelled to Europe with their families, without having asked me to put them up. These are from the opposite sides of the family, so not related to each other.

So, in my experience of Australians, they certainly do not expect to crash at anyone's house, who happens to live inside the M25.

Littleballerina · 22/05/2016 10:54

She'll turn up

chellem1 · 22/05/2016 10:57

Have you contacted the dad? For all you know, he thinks she's made it to you by now and doesn't even realise there's an issue with her not contacting you or turning up.

GuinevereBeck · 22/05/2016 11:21

Wow, this got a bit heated! FWIW I don't agree with the whole laid back Australian/uptight Brit generalisations either - I'm half Aussie, brought up by an Australian and have a lot of Aussie relatives, some are laid back, some are not, some are even more uptight than me!

Her Dad got back to me and said he'll get in touch with her and find out what's going on. As far as he knew she was supposed to arrive yesterday. Fingers crossed everything's ok...

OP posts:
Blimmincheek · 22/05/2016 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoItTooJulia · 22/05/2016 11:45

Hope she's ok.

GinThief · 22/05/2016 14:45

Hope she's ok.

HouseOfBiscuits · 22/05/2016 14:49

I know you've checked your own junk mail box, but maybe your messages to her ended up in her junk mail? I think you've done the right thing in contacting her Dad, and I hope it works out OK.

Boomerangs · 22/05/2016 14:53

I would not want some hot attractive 21 year old in the same house as my husband. Plus she seems rude

GinThief · 22/05/2016 15:02

Boomerangs Why is having an attractive 21 year old house guest in same house as husband a problem?

FerkTheeesSheet · 22/05/2016 15:03

Her Instagraming within the last 24hrs is obviously a positive sign that she hasn't come to any harm but if/when she does turn up I hope you get an explanation at least? I am thinking she may have pulled or something! Maybe her pop star has reappeared!

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 22/05/2016 15:10

To the people who wouldn't want an attractive 21 year old woman in the house with your DH, would you expect him to ban his gorgeous 21 year old nephew from staying because he didn't want him to be in the house with you?

NuggetofPurestGreen · 22/05/2016 15:14

Grin at laid back Aussies. I'm Irish and find the Aussies a bit uptight about time and stuff. Why do they do everything so early over there?? Wink

NuggetofPurestGreen · 22/05/2016 15:15

Obviously that was tongue in cheek before anyone gets cross. In my experience the Aussies are always on time weirdos

ohtheholidays · 22/05/2016 15:46

Hope your cousins DD is okay OP.

carabos · 22/05/2016 17:00

boomerangs is that for her sake or his? Is he likely to jump her bones first chance he gets, or is he such a catch that she's sure to make a play for him the second your back is turned?

UnusualPolarBear · 22/05/2016 17:29

I hope he can track her down soon and she's ok!

TendonQueen · 22/05/2016 19:07

It's overwhelmingly likely that she's fine and is either still in Italy or has found somewhere else to stay in Britain. While she had asked to stay and therefore ought to reply and say she has changed plans, given that she doesn't have OP's address or phone number I can see why this might not be a priority and also why she might have twigged that her host wasn't actually that keen on the whole idea.

Windsofwinter · 22/05/2016 19:32

Perhaps she's a MN lurker and saw the thread Grin

GuinevereBeck · 22/05/2016 19:42

I got an email from 'Lucy'! From it I'm guessing she didn't read either of my previous mails Hmm. Apparently her dad had it wrong and she was always meant to be arriving in London on the 24th. She also doesn't want to stay with me then as she's staying with a friend in zone 1 until the 29th, which is when she then wants to come on to me for a week. Which doesn't work for me at all, as I'd already told her I have a guest at the beginning of June. So, I'm going to tell her that due to the date mix up it's no longer convenient - it seems like she has other options for accommodation, and I'm sure zone 6 suburbia isn't very appealing anyway Grin.

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 22/05/2016 19:57

So her dad contacts you to set it up.
Eventually she gets round to contacting you herself. I would imagine that dates where mentioned then. Even more so the thing about those dates work for you as you have other guests so she needs to be out by x date.
But now the dates are wrong?
Have you just been gas lighted? I would be reading the previous emails from her for when you get the email begging from her and her dad.

HoumousExpress · 22/05/2016 20:11

Oh dear not good! Sounds like you have the perfect excuse not to be involved then. If she has other friends in London then they'll be able to put her up/suggest a hotel/hostel. I don't feel sorry for her as it seems her behaviour has been pretty slack and rude.

Homebird8 · 22/05/2016 20:57

My DF goes off half cocked on things.He still thinks he can organise my life and finances. I don't let him. I'm mid forties and have been married 21 years, have two children and live 12,000 miles from him. I bet it's not Lucy's fault at all.