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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To withdraw an invitation to a houseguest?

207 replies

GuinevereBeck · 20/05/2016 15:23

About six weeks ago, my cousin contacted me telling me that his daughter was wanting to come to London in the summer (they’re Australian, his daughter is currently studying in Italy). He was asking did I know of any cheap accommodation/jobs that she could do? I could kind of guess where this was heading, but said I would ask among friends, and have a think about job opportunities. Sure enough, a few weeks later he asked would it be possible for her to stay with me when she first arrived while she sorted herself out. She’s meant to be due on the 21st. I’m not crazy about the idea of a barely-known 21-year-old staying in my house, but I said that would be absolutely fine for a little while (we have someone due to stay in June anyway), and she should get in touch with me. To be honest, I’m a little annoyed that this has all come through her dad - if she was sixteen I could understand it, but she’s 21 and living halfway round the world!

Eventually, last week I get an email from the girl herself (let’s call her Lucy). Lucy writes a nice email thanking me for the offer, how grateful she is, looking forward to seeing me, etc etc. Very nice, I think, and write her a kind email back telling her a bit about our area (in zone 6 so not exactly central!) and how we’d pick her up from the station if she lets me know when she’s arriving. Since then, I’ve heard nothing. I emailed her yesterday briefly asking her to confirm if she’s even coming on the 21st, and roughly what time. Still not heard anything. I’m getting rather pissed off now – I’m a bit uncomfortable about having an unknown relative to stay anyway as I like my own space, but the whole manner it’s been organised (i.e. through her dad rather than her) has not helped at all.

I told DH this morning that if I hadn’t heard from her by lunchtime I’d tell her it was all off. He thought that was really mean, saying she was just a kid, but she’s 21 and studying abroad!! If you want to stay with someone for free, I would have though telling them the basics, i.e. when you plan to arrive, was pretty standard! I’ve had to rearrange plans because I don’t know if/when to expect her. WIBU to say she’s had her chance, and if she can’t be bothered to get in touch with her plans she can’t be that interested in staying? (Disclaimer – I did meet her when she was 14 and found her a bit vapid and annoying – she’s fond of duck face poses on Instagram, and is very invested in her appearance (to be fair, she is stunning and has done some modelling). I think I am almost intimidated by the thought of having her stay, but I do feel like I’ve been treated a bit rudely.) Or am I just out of touch with the younger generation and expecting too much? I’m 37 and DH and I have no DC.

OP posts:
GuinevereBeck · 21/05/2016 17:27

Nope, I think he had my old address, but we moved last year and I never updated him. We all communicate by email rather than post!

OP posts:
GuinevereBeck · 21/05/2016 17:28

Have emailed my cousin now, but I suppose I'll have to wait for him to wake up in Oz.

OP posts:
ExtraHotLatteToGo · 21/05/2016 17:30

😁she's probably standing on the doorstep of your old house as we speak😁

EssentialHummus · 21/05/2016 17:33

If she's at OP's old house it is completely her own doing for being such an uncommunicative sod. Unless she has managed to inveigle her way in and kip on the new owner's sofa, in which case, win win.

bloodyteenagers · 21/05/2016 17:33

Haha, well if she could have been arsed to email you back, she wouldn't be staying with complete strangers.

Wonder if she will brazen it out. Just walk in without mentioning names, and be all like not seen you in years. How you all doing? Hopefully the new people at your old place are on MN and we will have a thread soon about the nutter from Australia. Grin

SloppyDailyMailJournalism · 21/05/2016 17:34

Rude of her. Find her somewhere cheap to stay after a couple of nights if she does turn up now as I doubt you will want to go out of your way for her. She's probably met a man and got distracted.

GuinevereBeck · 21/05/2016 17:38

Ha, no I did tell him that I had moved Grin.

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 21/05/2016 17:45

YANBU. Rude and self-absorbed. I could maybe understand a delay in contacting you if she'd lost a phone or something but even then the world is full of internet cafes.

She's forgotten, or lost track of time, and hasn't thought to get in touch. In your shoes I'd be cutting her visit very short indeed if she does turn up.

gobbin · 21/05/2016 18:21

You said 'wanted to come to stay in summer' up top. You sure he didn't mean June or possibly even July?!

GuinevereBeck · 21/05/2016 18:32

Nope, the 21st May was specifically mentioned as an arrival date.

OP posts:
GrumpyOldBag · 21/05/2016 18:34

Everyone is really quick to gang up on this poor 21 year old travelling from Australia. None of you actually knows why she hasn't been in contact - there could be a very good reason. How would you feel if it was your daughter being discussed here - described as 'rude, 'self-absorbed', 'uncommunicative sod', 'entitled' etc.?

By the way my teenage dc almost never, ever use email - they would easily have missed the OP's message too. OP if you can see she is posting on instagram why don't you contact her through that?

PegsPigs · 21/05/2016 18:38

This is leaving it pretty late on 21st! It's rude because you'll need to be in to receive her and you've presumably had no plans today waiting for her thus wasting your day off. Hopefully it won't hang over you for the whole weekend.

bloodyteenagers · 21/05/2016 18:50

How would I feel if it was mine?
The same. When my own don't respond they get an ear bashing from me about respect.
I remind them they treat others like
Shit don't be suprised when others cannot be arsed responding to them.

GrumpyOldBag · 21/05/2016 19:02

but you don't know what's happened to her?

If she turns up later expecting to be hosted and being disdainful, fair enough, but you don't know why she hasn't replied to the OP's email. it's pure conjecture. Maybe she emailed the OP to say her plans had changed & the OP never got the message.
Until we know what's happened it's unfair to blame the girl.

Sukiesu · 21/05/2016 19:08

She's not travelling from Australia, she's coming from Italy. I have a 25 year old who manages to communicate via email, messenger or text, even when he's travelling, it's not exactly difficult.

GuinevereBeck · 21/05/2016 19:22

Also, she was in Italy yesterday, ie the place she's been living for the past few months, so she's not exactly backpacking.

OP posts:
GrumpyOldBag · 21/05/2016 19:25

Well I'd find it odd if someone did not reply to an email with a very specific question - and I would conclude that they didn't receive the email or had some reason why they couldn't reply. Not that they were irresponsible and couldn't be bothered.
But that's just me.
I can see how frustrating it is for the OP not knowing what's going on though.

habibihabibi · 21/05/2016 19:28

I once agreed to host a random Aussie couple for a night and they stayed over 2 months in my place in London. Should my flat not have actually have been sold just prior to them staying it may have been longer. They were friends of friends and managed to turn outright and I think clear "times up" comments around and even pitched a tent in my garden when I needed the room for my sister.
I still haven't recovered (10 years on) and flinch hearing an Australian accent .
Of course the 'we'll chuck you some rent , take you out for a flash meal once we are on our feet " never ever materialized.

NEVER mention to any Australian you have a house inside the M25, they will come.....

EvansAndThePrince · 21/05/2016 19:40

How odd! I think given last weeks email she's unlikely to not want to stay with you. And she seemed grateful. I'm 23 and I'm grown up enough to keep in contact but I wouldn't lie in an email saying I was looking forward to seeing you if I wasn't. I'm sure there's an explanation of some sort.

Beeziekn33ze · 21/05/2016 20:47

So you told her about your area, Zone 6 etc, but never gave her the exact address or even a contact phone number?
I just hope she's having fun somewhere, maybe met another pop star or got some modelling. Do you know from Instagram that she's all right and still communicating?
Did you ever get around to contacting your cousin? I guess you can crank up the drawbridge and reel down the portcullis safe from any invasion by a stunning young Aussie!

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/05/2016 20:54

Hope that someone replies soon op. It's not nice feeling left in the lurch!

Peridotisinvalid · 21/05/2016 20:59

Well I hope she's OK. I'd be worrying by now, but that's me. Blush

GuinevereBeck · 21/05/2016 21:21

Beeziekn33zie I have indeed contacted my cousin, I had not got to the stage of exchanging addresses with 'Lucy' as I had offered to collect her and then heard nothing, and have been nothing but polite to her, regardless of what frustrations I have vented here. I don't think I deserve that kind of scorn.

OP posts:
pissedglitter · 21/05/2016 21:41

I would be worried if my young cousin who is travelling alone hadn't turned up as expected

ThomasRichard · 21/05/2016 22:01

I bet she arrives and is lovely :)