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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To withdraw an invitation to a houseguest?

207 replies

GuinevereBeck · 20/05/2016 15:23

About six weeks ago, my cousin contacted me telling me that his daughter was wanting to come to London in the summer (they’re Australian, his daughter is currently studying in Italy). He was asking did I know of any cheap accommodation/jobs that she could do? I could kind of guess where this was heading, but said I would ask among friends, and have a think about job opportunities. Sure enough, a few weeks later he asked would it be possible for her to stay with me when she first arrived while she sorted herself out. She’s meant to be due on the 21st. I’m not crazy about the idea of a barely-known 21-year-old staying in my house, but I said that would be absolutely fine for a little while (we have someone due to stay in June anyway), and she should get in touch with me. To be honest, I’m a little annoyed that this has all come through her dad - if she was sixteen I could understand it, but she’s 21 and living halfway round the world!

Eventually, last week I get an email from the girl herself (let’s call her Lucy). Lucy writes a nice email thanking me for the offer, how grateful she is, looking forward to seeing me, etc etc. Very nice, I think, and write her a kind email back telling her a bit about our area (in zone 6 so not exactly central!) and how we’d pick her up from the station if she lets me know when she’s arriving. Since then, I’ve heard nothing. I emailed her yesterday briefly asking her to confirm if she’s even coming on the 21st, and roughly what time. Still not heard anything. I’m getting rather pissed off now – I’m a bit uncomfortable about having an unknown relative to stay anyway as I like my own space, but the whole manner it’s been organised (i.e. through her dad rather than her) has not helped at all.

I told DH this morning that if I hadn’t heard from her by lunchtime I’d tell her it was all off. He thought that was really mean, saying she was just a kid, but she’s 21 and studying abroad!! If you want to stay with someone for free, I would have though telling them the basics, i.e. when you plan to arrive, was pretty standard! I’ve had to rearrange plans because I don’t know if/when to expect her. WIBU to say she’s had her chance, and if she can’t be bothered to get in touch with her plans she can’t be that interested in staying? (Disclaimer – I did meet her when she was 14 and found her a bit vapid and annoying – she’s fond of duck face poses on Instagram, and is very invested in her appearance (to be fair, she is stunning and has done some modelling). I think I am almost intimidated by the thought of having her stay, but I do feel like I’ve been treated a bit rudely.) Or am I just out of touch with the younger generation and expecting too much? I’m 37 and DH and I have no DC.

OP posts:
GuinevereBeck · 21/05/2016 22:03

Let's hope so!

OP posts:
Kidnapped · 21/05/2016 22:03

She doesn't know where the OP lives though.

Ed1tY0urPr0f1le · 21/05/2016 22:27

I am wondering if she's had a 'better offer' and, instead of letting OP know and apologising for the short notice, is following the time honoured tradition of ignoring the slightly awkward situation and hoping it will go away.

Ed1tY0urPr0f1le · 21/05/2016 22:30

That should say 'assuming' not 'wondering if'!

KoalaDownUnder · 22/05/2016 02:04

Oh, ffs. Not all Australians are dying to invade your 'house inside the M25', you know. Hmm And most of us will be polite and considerate, and will go out of our way to welcome you the other direction and put up with you whinging about the heat and the flies, when you chose to come in fucking February

I dislike the way 'Britishness' is code for 'being a two-faced wimp' on this site. If you don't really like having house guests, say no in the first place. Tell a white lie if you have to. Don't say yes so that you look like a nice person, and then seethe and bitch about it.

(That's to others on this thread, not really the OP, who has been quite reasonable.)

MidniteScribbler · 22/05/2016 02:23

Well I'm an Australian and have always paid for my accommodation in London (and many other places). I do have other friends around the world that I stay with when visiting, but they've all visited me as well, it goes both ways. I make sure not to outstay my welcome, clean up after myself, buy groceries and lots of wine. I can't be that bad as I'm often being invited back to places again.

habibihabibi · 22/05/2016 04:36

This is a UK site, Koala.
Expect Britishness.
I may be massively generalising but Australians don't demostrate the same social graces and level of manners of the British.

Did she ever arrive OP?

Babettescat · 22/05/2016 05:56

Ah we all know about the grace and manners of The British. In fact it was The British that taught my country everything we know about treating others with respect over 300 years of The Graceful and Well Mannered Violent Colony.

echt · 22/05/2016 06:24

Can we shut the fuck up and stop stereotyping Brits and Aussies, and deal with the specfics of the OP's OP.

WakeUpFast · 22/05/2016 06:34

What a boring thread: "waiting the arrival of possible impending house guest". 10 mins I'll never get back.

ShebaShimmyShake · 22/05/2016 06:57

Title is misleading. You never invited her.

KoalaDownUnder · 22/05/2016 06:59

habibi, just FYI: I'm half British and lived in the UK for nearly 10 years.

If you believe what you just posted, you are kidding yourself.

FreddoFrog · 22/05/2016 07:06

habibi you're right. You are massively over-generalising. And hardly exhibiting the manners and grace you seem to think all British possess. How ridiculous and rude.

MidniteScribbler · 22/05/2016 07:15

I may be massively generalising but Australians don't demostrate the same social graces and level of manners of the British.

Perhaps, but at least we don't all walk around with a giant stick up our arse.

habibihabibi · 22/05/2016 08:27

This is my observation, I don't ethnically belong to either group.
Each country in the world has different social graces.
I have had guests from all over the world so am drawing from my personal experience .

carabos · 22/05/2016 09:20

She's googled "zone 6" and thought, "nah, that's not London" and made other arrangements.

fassone · 22/05/2016 09:25

I lived in Oz for years so yeah, I'll generalise. She was told she was welcome to stay at yours, so she'll arrive. That's it. Aussies, INE, kinda get on with it as opposed to setting times and dates.

ManonCrempog · 22/05/2016 09:37
Blimmincheek · 22/05/2016 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DailyMailAreAFuckingJoke · 22/05/2016 09:45

Gosh there are some very odd attitudes on here. Nothing like a sweeping generalisation of an entire country and its inhabitants. For those saying that Brits are uptight and Aussies are rude and thoughtless, I can only assume that you've met all 64.1 million and 23.13 million of them respectively?

OP - has the cousin come back to you yet?

blimeyalldecentnamesaregone · 22/05/2016 09:45

Still not heard anything? That is rude of her.

BlueberryJuice · 22/05/2016 09:49

Hope she at least apologises for not replying op!

parmalilac · 22/05/2016 09:50

Agree with the lone PP who says YANBU. It's just rude, she's not a child, if she's been on Instagram then she is obviously capable of communicating with the outside world. The lack of manners and consideration does not bode well for a (grudgingly invited) houseguest, so maybe it's for the best if she does make other plans.

Buggers · 22/05/2016 09:52

Have you got a reply from her dad yet OP?

ThatsMyStapler · 22/05/2016 09:56

WakeUpFast

Biscuit