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Original poster

to be furious with my brother

371 replies

loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 11:06

My brother has been with his now wife for 8 years,they have a child together,we barely see him even though we don't live far,by we I mean myself and my siblings and also my parents,He has just phoned to tell us that him and his now wife have just gone off and got married without telling any of us,im fuming,but he doesn't seem to think he has done anything wrong

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Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:10

she hasn't really got any friends,she did have but she moved over this way to be nearer to me to look after the children,so i kinda feel guilty as she gave up her life to look after my kids

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Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:12

its just all very complicated that's what I'm getting at,we don't all work 9 to 5 and then have evenings to do what we want,we work evenings and weekends,its not excuses its just how it is

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Tiggeryoubastard · 19/05/2016 14:14

She's really done a number on you, so much you can't see it or think for yourself. I feel sorry for you but exasperated with your childishness. You owe it to your children to give them a better life than being stifled and unable to think for themselves. Get independent childcare, grow up.

Kidnapped · 19/05/2016 14:15

"its just all very complicated that's what I'm getting at,we don't all work 9 to 5 and then have evenings to do what we want,we work evenings and weekends,its not excuses its just how it is"

Then how would you have all been able to get time off to attend a wedding?

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:15

i wouldn't have expected him to invite everyone,not my sister and her family,its not the rest of us with the problem

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beccabanana · 19/05/2016 14:17

Not necessarily tonight, I said just one evening? Text him to congratulate him and say it would be nice to catch up, hear about the wedding etc and what evening or weekend is he free? Also say you won't be bringing your mum just you. If you really want to build bridges with him, then a heartfelt text or phonecall saying you're really happy for him and wish him and his wife all the best, would really go far

Kidnapped · 19/05/2016 14:17

And then he'd get it in the neck for not inviting one sibling.

He'll never be able to win with your family and so he has given up the game.

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:18

a wedding people normally give a good bit of notice so of course you can all get time off

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WyldChyld · 19/05/2016 14:19

And as everyone else has said, despite your excuses reasons for not visiting him, text / phone and say congratulations!! Send a card / wine / flowers. Moonpig will bloody deliver for you.

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:20

kidnapped-i would rather have gone without that sibling than for us all to not be invited because of her

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Pandora2016 · 19/05/2016 14:21

I think that there are two types of weddings:

Ones that are about extended family. They are obviously bigger, tend to be quite traditional and the couple are often younger (though not always). These are usually lovely, happy occasions and a good excuse for lots of family to get together and have a catch up.

Ones that are about the couple. The focus is on the relationship between the new husband and wife. Tend to be smaller affairs and often the couple are older. Extended family are not the focus of the day.

Your brother had the latter and you think he should have had the former.

I had the former and hated it as it wasn't what I wanted. Surely you want your brother to be happy?

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:22

i just don't think he would be up for an evening thing he has always made excuses before about their child being in bed etc,i normally see them in half term

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Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:23

of course i want him to be happy,just wish i could have seen him get married

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Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:24

his wife works eves and so would never want us round when shes not there

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AuntieKippers · 19/05/2016 14:24

If your Mum cares about her family she will be happy if you build bridges with your brother even if she isn't involved.

WyldChyld · 19/05/2016 14:25

How do you know what she would want?

APlaceOnTheCouch · 19/05/2016 14:27

Of course he is 'allowed' to do what he wants.

But just as he is allowed to do what he wants, you are allowed to be upset.

It seems like his decision has thrown all the deeper family issues into stark relief. I can understand why that's upsetting and annoying. But crucially those issues were there before the wedding. The wedding has just thrown the spotlight on them.

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:28

when i have tried to go round before of an eve,he will try and arrange for a day or eve when the wife is there

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Tiggeryoubastard · 19/05/2016 14:28

Ok licks to this. The only excuse you've not used is 'I don't speak English'. Nobody is this thick unable to do something should they wish to. Just get out from under your bridge and visit.

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:29

true couch

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Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:30

its not an excuse,he will never have anyone over if she is at work

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AugustaFinkNottle · 19/05/2016 14:31

my mum was the one who offered to have the children when i went back to work,i pay her to look after them so its not like shes just babysitting shes getting paid to look after her grandkids

But if she's that desperate for adult company, you might as well pay someone else to have them at least one day a week and give her a day to do what she likes.

diddl · 19/05/2016 14:31

I doubt that he could have just not invited "the sister" -I'm sure that your mum would have had an opinion on that!

Stop feeling so beholden to your mum re your relationship with your brother!

Phone & congratulate them both & say that you'd love to meet up!

They have been together 8yrs & have a child so maybe a "do" was never on the cards & it was just a formality.

turnaroundbrighteyes · 19/05/2016 14:31

So, what's the worst that can happen if you call round this evening with your DH, the kids and presents to say a warm congratulations?

He's at work, you congratulate his wife and maybe arrange to spend an evening with them when he's off work?

Or no one's in and you pop the card through the letterbox with a note, stash the prezzies somewhere and hopefully he calls you back.

Have to wonder if he feels lonely and abandoned.

His other sis said something "awful" and refuses to apologise. He doesn't want any contact with her at all - fine. He can't visit his Mum without risking bumping into his sis so doesn't. He can't visit you without risking bumping into her because you live next door (and hed probably upset your Mum by not calling in). So he asks you to visit him and you don't.

Just go and visit if you want to and tell your Mum to go and visit if she wants to (seperately). Surely she misses and would like to see her grandkids and have adult conversation with her son. She sees her daughters daily, but seemingly never visits her son who for good reason doesn't feel able to visit her. Why isn't she visiting?

Original poster
loopylooloo1 · 19/05/2016 14:33

she has other kids aswell,so even if i did arrange different childcare,she would still have the others

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