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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder if it's too late to stop my neighbours walking through my garden

260 replies

whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 16:19

We live in a row of houses that backs on to lovely moorland and the best thing about my house is that our garden has a gate on to the moor. most of the other houses do too but one house doesn't.

There's one small private spot, on a bench, inside a sort of half shed, where no-one can see you I like to potter in the garden

The previous owner of the house-that-doesn't became a dear friend of ours over the years and after we'd known each other about 8 years I told her she shouldn't keep walking round to the end of the road to get on the moor but should just treat our garden as the route.

So, a very pleasant new set of neighbours have moved in and DH, in a fit of welcoming enthusiasm, apparently said "oh feel free to go through our garden" to this complete stranger.

Consequently, I am finding that the family (mum and two girls, mum with friend, au pair with girls) just routinely walk back and forth through my garden.

Yesterday I wanted to go and garden but saw them setting off (after spotting acomplete stranger - the mum's friend, having a good look round) so locked the back gate whilst I was in the garden so there wouldn't be too much of shock when the gate opened (I know it's not a shock shock but some people will understand).

The garden was somewhere I felt safe. Having a family go through it is too much. But what the heck do I do? Dh says he is sorry and will tell them it was a mistake but that will just make me sound like a bitch.

DH of course never uses the garden and has no idea what it is to potter quietly in your safe place.

To explain it, it's not like having someone coming through your bedroom, but it is like someone walking through your hall.

The neighbour is going to think I'm a right cow if I say anything isn't she? Shall I just start accidentally locking it?

what do I do?

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 16/05/2016 20:29

Well done OP Smile

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 16/05/2016 20:29

I'm glad you have done it. Well done 💐

But I wouldn't have done it by text.

I think now you need to go around, with a bunch of flowers, and apologise for the situation. If it were me, I'd just say that even though you allowed your friend to go through there, you pretty much knew when she'd be in and out and you still didn't feel settled/able to relax and that whilst you were sorry your friend moved/died the one thing you were looking forward to was regaining the exclusive use of your garden and that if your DH ever bloody listened to you he would have known that! And reiterate that it's nothing, at all, personal and you're very sorry you feel this way as you realise it's a much easier route for them.

Make friends.

Kidnapped · 16/05/2016 20:30

Well done, OP.

The deed is done. In future don't let things build up in your head so much. Just try to deal with things straight away. Most people don't take offence if things are well-meant. And if they do take offence, then at least you haven't invested loads of time and effort into someone who isn't worth it.

And tell Chief Flappy Gob DH to keep his mouth shut in future.

ratspeaker · 16/05/2016 20:33

Well done OP.

You feeling a slightly drier lettuce now?

PiecesOfCake · 16/05/2016 20:36

Well done Wine! I still don't see why you had to make it all your fault though Grin.

diddl · 16/05/2016 20:38

Hurrah!!!

PitilessYank · 16/05/2016 20:47

Nice job, WhyDid!

If you have anything else unpleasant to say to anyone, just let me know. I will be in the UK this fall and am at your service. I love to deliver uncomfortable communiqués.

(And of course you can be friends-I have a great friend whose first words to me were: "You don't know shit from shinola!")

2rebecca · 16/05/2016 20:48

Excellent

wallywobbles · 16/05/2016 20:54

Just say that people you don't recognize have been walking through your garden and it makes you feel uncomfortable. No harm no foul as it's the truth.

Hagrid3112 · 16/05/2016 20:54

PurpleCarzyHorse - Maybe she isn't a screamer, but her best friend/sister/mum etc is...

2rebecca · 16/05/2016 20:56

She might be transiently pissed off but i'm sure after sleeping on it will realise many people would rather have no moors access than moors access and no privacy. Different if you own a huge estate with rights of way but for a normal sized garden its intrusive. My garden is postage sized and heavily overlooked but I wouldnt want unexpected folk ambling through if i had something as lovely as your garden sounds

IDontBelieveAnything · 16/05/2016 20:57

Thank goodness that's over 😂

OP, How about ordering yourself a nice inspirational poster

to wonder if it's too late to stop my neighbours walking through my garden
whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 20:58

Chief Flappy Gob DH :)

love you all xx

OP posts:
DoodlesInTheHouse · 16/05/2016 21:01

^^ Is that really you Chief Flappy Gob? Your poor wife! Grin

RTKangaMummy · 16/05/2016 21:03

Deffo brill SmileSmileSmile

Backpfeifengesicht · 16/05/2016 21:03

A bit of truth is in order, I'd just say that I use my garden often and it's important to me to maintain privacy and security and I just can't relax if I think someone may wander through at any given moment. It's not personal, she would be ridiculous to be offended. I know it's awkward to say but it must be done, maybe take over a cake or something when you deliver the bad news.

You wouldn't be wrong to be concerned about the precedent you are setting by allowing them access, it turn into a legal right of way type of situation down the road, although currently by verbally allowing them to walk through all you have done is give them "license" to walk across your property and this license can be revoked at anytime. Explain this to your dh, I'm sure he woldn't want to risk something like that.

ABCAlwaysBeCunting · 16/05/2016 21:22

Oh good. I was a bit Hmm at some of the ridiculous PA evasions people were suggesting. Sometimes it's better to just be straight rather than faff around making up lame excuses. Good work, why.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 16/05/2016 21:50

Glad to see a resolution.

But OP honestly you sound lovely and self deprecating and very very funny (loved all the wet lettuce pics) but do you not want to be a teensy bit more assertive in the future and save yourself from all the angst and anxiety? after you sort out Chief Gobby Mouth of course

TattyDevine · 16/05/2016 22:54

Honestly, if it were me being the neighbour, if the gate suddenly got locked, or padlocked, I'd just shrug and think, oh, maybe they don't actually want me walking through there after all, or perhaps they changed their mind, and I'd never say anything about it or think anything bad, except possibly feel slightly embarassed and wonder if I misunderstood the husband.

Just lock it, don't worry about it. They might at worst think you are slightly odd or off, but if you are nice in every other way, and prove in time you are not an arsehole (which you don't actually have to do, so don't feel you have to overcompensate), then they will forget that too.

Do it now! Or it will be lost forever!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 16/05/2016 23:13

' I could adopt' made me snort Grin

MintyChops · 16/05/2016 23:29

Well done OP

DeadGood · 16/05/2016 23:35

This thread is amazing

PurpleCrazyHorse · 17/05/2016 00:12

Ha ha, could have been Hagrid3112

Iknownuffink · 17/05/2016 01:43

New neighbour bought their property knowing they did not have access to the moor.

Lock the gate and say nothing.

You are not responsible for their journey to the moor.

limitedperiodonly · 17/05/2016 07:10

I'm married to a Chief Flappy Gob who wails: 'But I've told them they could!' I'm always saying: 'Well, you're just going to have to untell them, aren't you?' My dad was one too and my mum was always having to say the same. It's a need to be liked and the fear that saying no means you're a horrible person.

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