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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if it's too late to stop my neighbours walking through my garden

260 replies

whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 16:19

We live in a row of houses that backs on to lovely moorland and the best thing about my house is that our garden has a gate on to the moor. most of the other houses do too but one house doesn't.

There's one small private spot, on a bench, inside a sort of half shed, where no-one can see you I like to potter in the garden

The previous owner of the house-that-doesn't became a dear friend of ours over the years and after we'd known each other about 8 years I told her she shouldn't keep walking round to the end of the road to get on the moor but should just treat our garden as the route.

So, a very pleasant new set of neighbours have moved in and DH, in a fit of welcoming enthusiasm, apparently said "oh feel free to go through our garden" to this complete stranger.

Consequently, I am finding that the family (mum and two girls, mum with friend, au pair with girls) just routinely walk back and forth through my garden.

Yesterday I wanted to go and garden but saw them setting off (after spotting acomplete stranger - the mum's friend, having a good look round) so locked the back gate whilst I was in the garden so there wouldn't be too much of shock when the gate opened (I know it's not a shock shock but some people will understand).

The garden was somewhere I felt safe. Having a family go through it is too much. But what the heck do I do? Dh says he is sorry and will tell them it was a mistake but that will just make me sound like a bitch.

DH of course never uses the garden and has no idea what it is to potter quietly in your safe place.

To explain it, it's not like having someone coming through your bedroom, but it is like someone walking through your hall.

The neighbour is going to think I'm a right cow if I say anything isn't she? Shall I just start accidentally locking it?

what do I do?

OP posts:
LaConnerie · 16/05/2016 16:48

I don't get it - how does the neighbour walk straight from her garden to yours? Don't you have fences or hedges?

If you don't, i would put some in now and make your garden private. If you feel the need to explain, tell the neighbours you're thinking about getting a dog, or some other excuse.

I couldn't bear my garden not being private!

LightDrizzle · 16/05/2016 16:49

Oh dear that is unfortunate, and it is possible that she might feel a little put out, but really you are totally entitled to withdraw this privilege and you must, - it will only annoy you more and more and it will become more difficult to rescind it with every passing week. You really don't want anybody claiming a Right of Way a few years down the line either.

Your DH is obviously a very friendly, nice bloke; I'm sure he will find a way to do it so as not to cause offence. He can just say that he underestimated the impact of having more than one person using your garden in this way and he's sorry to have offered, only to withdraw it, but could they please stop using it and make sure the Au-Pair and children are aware too. I can emphasise that it's got nothing to do with anything they've done.

I used to live in a cottage where the next door neighbour had a right of way across our garden. We knew when we bought and after using is shortly after moving in, I think to establish her right, she only used it once in a blue moon. It wouldn't have been a problem had she used it more often. However, I would never buy a property with a general right of way running through the garden, becuase like you, I would find multiple people wandering through instrusive, possibly irrationally so but there it is.

weirdsister · 16/05/2016 16:49

Excellent points about not recognising the people who are passing through.

If op was burgled and the insurance company found that she was allowing her garden to be used as a right of way, could it weaken her claim?

TotalConfucius · 16/05/2016 16:50

I'd just tell her that your solicitor/insurance agent has told you to lock the gate to avoid any claims of a right of way/lock the gate cos otherwise your insurance is invalid. Then wink and say, just as well they don't know about all the years we let X go through, turns out we shouldn't have! Then grow a higher hedge!

BrucieTheShark · 16/05/2016 16:51

I would ask them when their gate is being fitted. Then act all surprised and say, well DH only offered them to go through your garden until you could get your own gate. Say you both envisaged this being a few weeks not months. Tell them you are going to have to padlock it as a stranger was caught roaming the garden.

That's what I'd do. And then the lie would get bigger and more out of control and I'd eventually have to move house.

ProfYaffle · 16/05/2016 16:52

"Just say 'Oh, there were people walking through that I didn't know so I've decided to keep it locked. Just one of those things. So anyway hope you are keeping ok?'"

DoreenLethal has it spot on imho.

(By the way, my MIL is Doreen, except in my head, where she has been rechristened DoreenLethal thanks to you!)

Helenluvsrob · 16/05/2016 16:54

New insurance conditions yknow... got to keep it padlocked and I was getting to feel quite unsafe with so many people through all the time...

LaConnerie · 16/05/2016 16:55

That's what I'd do. And then the lie would get bigger and more out of control and I'd eventually have to move house.

Ha ha, that sounds exactly like me Grin

I spend hours coming up with excuses why something cannot be done, then my husband will see the person in question and just say "Nah, sorry mate".

I wish i could do that.

SocialDisaster · 16/05/2016 16:58

I agree, lock the gate and if you need to explain, tell the tgruth the various strangers walking around are making you uncomfortable.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 16/05/2016 16:59

I'd just lock it and if questioned say that complete strangers were starting to use it and you felt it was a security issue. Not that far from the truth really.

Hidingtonothing · 16/05/2016 17:01

Yes to locking the gate, if she questions that your DH said it was ok for her to use it simply say 'well yes it's fine if we're around and the gate is unlocked but it's not safe to leave it unlocked all the time'. I wouldn't feel bad about it because I think trooping her entire family plus the au pair plus friends through your garden so frequently is overstepping your DH's offer anyway so I would shrug off any uncomfortable feelings by reminding myself she has taken the piss a bit. Hopefully once she's tried a few times and found it locked she will get the message and even if she does think you're rude she's actually been equally rude by overusing the privilege.

Original poster
whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 17:01

"That's what I'd do. And then the lie would get bigger and more out of control and I'd eventually have to move house."

exactly

OP posts:
AddictedtoSnickers · 16/05/2016 17:02

They are only using the access because you said (well Hubby said!) they could and believe they are very welcome to. Most people would hate to think they were unintentionally causing others upset. I would perhaps tell them that hubby didn't explain how the gate arrangement used to work....say if the gate is ajar, you are happy for them to use it but if it's closed then you or your children would rather not be disturbed.

Iknownuffink · 16/05/2016 17:03

Aren't you in danger of allowing the neighbour to demand access as a historical public right of way?

This could have financial implications if you wanted to sell.

Somerville · 16/05/2016 17:06

You need to send your DH around to tell them. As much as anything, to teach him not to make offers like that without checking with you first.

It is bloody awkward but not as awkward as this going on for years with you silently fuming. That's horrible for you and for them.

ChicRock · 16/05/2016 17:09

I'd lock the gate and if asked (which I very much doubt you will be) then say you got a real fright when you looked out and saw a total stranger walking through your garden, so you're locking it from now on.

Then quickly change the subject, ask how they're settling in, etc. Have something ready to ask them/talk about.

Also, as a pp said, you don't want to unintentionally create a legal right of way for the house that doesn't back onto the moor.

Marynary · 16/05/2016 17:15

I would check regarding any right of way implications as they could solve your problem. Otherwise I think that your DH should explain that he made a mistake. You didn't mind your previous neighbour who was a good friend walking through occasionally but don't really want a lot of people walking through frequently. They might be slightly offended but doubt that it will cause a huge issue if they are reasonable people.

WutheringTights · 16/05/2016 17:19

You need to put a stop to this. They could acquire a right of way that would latch to their house (I've anyone buying their house could also benefit). This could be a problem if you ever come to sell. www.shoosmiths.co.uk/client-resources/Claiming-a-right-of-way-by-prescription-6146.aspx

There's your excuse!

Headofthehive55 · 16/05/2016 17:20

I think you have to be careful about gp giving them right of way. After so many years of access you make it legal and it's their right thus devaluing the house.

Lock your gate. If they say anything, just say of course you will let them through if you are in the garden...ill pop and get the key...they will get the message.

You will appear friendly but they won't keep asking..

MagratsFlyawayHair · 16/05/2016 17:20

What about mystery option 3. Invite them over for a BBQ and drinks. Get pissed together, get to know them, and become good friends with them too Grin

Otherwise you just need to say something.

WutheringTights · 16/05/2016 17:20

ATTACH to their house. Bloody auto correct.

FlopIsMyParentingGuru · 16/05/2016 17:24

I would be concerned that I'd be creating some sort of right over my land that might be prejudicial when I came to sell.

diddl · 16/05/2016 17:26

Do they not back onto the moor then or they can't put up a gate?

Well they were willing to buy the house like that so I don't see that they could be annoyed at you not wanting them to keep walking through your garden.

If your husband is willing to tell them, let him!

I'd happily be thought a bitch for my own peace of mind.

Peebles1 · 16/05/2016 17:30

This exact same thing happened to our family in my childhood home. Parents still live there. They told a few folk they could walk through, before long the whole bloody village was walking through! We didn't even know half of them. The answer, as a lot have suggested, was to padlock the gate.

It is a bit of a shame for your neighbour, especially if your DH promised, but I would just lock it and only explain if she asks. But stick to your guns - it's your garden, you shouldn't have to worry about spending time in it. She'll understand I'm sure. After all, none of the other people with access have offered their gardens so why should you, really?

VenusRising · 16/05/2016 17:31

Just lock it, or remove the latch from the outside.
They'll get the picture.

Enjoy your safe space, and no need to explain anything to your new neighbours.

Have a stern word with your DH!

Good fences make good neighbours. If they complain, say it was a misunderstanding, and your DH meant it as a one off untill they figured out the neighbourhood, but you want it closed now for security.

Relax!