Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder if it's too late to stop my neighbours walking through my garden

260 replies

whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 16:19

We live in a row of houses that backs on to lovely moorland and the best thing about my house is that our garden has a gate on to the moor. most of the other houses do too but one house doesn't.

There's one small private spot, on a bench, inside a sort of half shed, where no-one can see you I like to potter in the garden

The previous owner of the house-that-doesn't became a dear friend of ours over the years and after we'd known each other about 8 years I told her she shouldn't keep walking round to the end of the road to get on the moor but should just treat our garden as the route.

So, a very pleasant new set of neighbours have moved in and DH, in a fit of welcoming enthusiasm, apparently said "oh feel free to go through our garden" to this complete stranger.

Consequently, I am finding that the family (mum and two girls, mum with friend, au pair with girls) just routinely walk back and forth through my garden.

Yesterday I wanted to go and garden but saw them setting off (after spotting acomplete stranger - the mum's friend, having a good look round) so locked the back gate whilst I was in the garden so there wouldn't be too much of shock when the gate opened (I know it's not a shock shock but some people will understand).

The garden was somewhere I felt safe. Having a family go through it is too much. But what the heck do I do? Dh says he is sorry and will tell them it was a mistake but that will just make me sound like a bitch.

DH of course never uses the garden and has no idea what it is to potter quietly in your safe place.

To explain it, it's not like having someone coming through your bedroom, but it is like someone walking through your hall.

The neighbour is going to think I'm a right cow if I say anything isn't she? Shall I just start accidentally locking it?

what do I do?

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 17/05/2016 07:29

We had three days in New York. This was pre-Amazon. We arrived at about noon. Great. Have a shower, get changed, do a bit of sightseeing, dinner then early to bed ready for sightseeing, lunch, more sights, possibly a bit of personal shopping, dinner. Repeat the next day. Go home.

He produced an enormous list of things he'd promised to get his friends, which involved traipsing around NYC and spending ages in shops buying things like cameras and obscure records for people I'd never heard of and didn't care about.

'But I told them I would!' he wailed. We binned the list and he had to break it to them gently. I don't know how it went. I left that to him. Like I said, that was the days before Amazon, so a long time ago. He still does it.

KERALA1 · 17/05/2016 07:29

Haven't read thread sorry but could you say gate will now be locked as its a requirement of your house insurance (which may be true?) smile walk off

bloodyteenagers · 17/05/2016 07:50

It's a shame you didn't read the thread. You missed how it was all resolved.

whois · 17/05/2016 08:05

DH is a right idiot to say that to a total;ly new family you don't even know.

Just keep the gate locked but drop round and let them know.

CountessOfStrathearn · 17/05/2016 13:02

"Haven't read thread sorry but could you say"

Why can't some people even bother to read the OP's posts?!

2rebecca · 17/05/2016 13:24

Agree it's easy to just read the OP's posts as if you've set up your account properly they should be in a different colour.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/05/2016 13:31

i think you handled it perfectly. Great wording

SooBee61 · 17/05/2016 18:10

I would nip this in the bud immediately.

If you want to sell the house it could create access issues that you'd have to declare. (Though I think that takes years and years.) I'd hate someone using my garden!

Mummyworth · 17/05/2016 18:29

O I feel for you so much. I totally get how all consuming this becomes to your day to day life.

Where we used to live the people next door to us had an arrangement with the previous owner to do gardening for them. To make this easier they put a gate between the gardens. When we moved in he seemed to think he could still come through whenever he wanted. Then we put in a pond and he would let his grandchildren walk in to our garden to look at the fish. It was really awkward and we didn't know how to handle it so we chickened out and put a pad lock on the gate. BIG MISTAKE. The neighbour went crazy, it turned in to a huge argument and our once friendly neighbour became really difficult and it was a nightmare until the day we moved out.

I would advise talking to them face to face and trying to find a way of saying it that they will understand.

But I feel your pain.

cabbage67 · 17/05/2016 18:40

Lock the gate

amarmai · 17/05/2016 18:58

this is how a right of way starts! Padlock.

bloodyteenagers · 17/05/2016 18:59

If people bothered to read the thread they would find out what had happened. Grin

If ops posts are not highlighted, it's extremely easy to do this. Try it.

whydidhesaythat · 17/05/2016 19:05

Ooh narrow escape!
"Where we used to live the people next door to us had an arrangement with the previous owner to do gardening for them. To make this easier they put a gate between the gardens. When we moved in he seemed to think he could still come through whenever he wanted. Then we put in a pond and he would let his grandchildren walk in to our garden to look at the fish. It was really awkward and we didn't know how to handle it so we chickened out and put a pad lock on the gate. BIG MISTAKE. The neighbour went crazy, it turned in to a huge argument and our once friendly neighbour became really difficult and it was a nightmare until the day we moved out. "

OP posts:
stimpy1 · 17/05/2016 19:59

Tell them a white lie, that there has been a rise in burglaries lately so you are increasing security by locking the gate (could even say advise of local police etc) and you are really sorry it may inconvenience them but also also concerned by leaving gate unlocked undesirables may walk through to their property. Then they will think you are lovely and problem solved!!!

SpartaCarcass · 17/05/2016 20:12

Great result OP!
stopmithering could you not just hammer a ruddy big stake into the ground in the gap in the fence? The pagoda style posts you get in DIY places. Make the gap too small to squeeze through. Then tell the neighbours it was a "safeguarding" issue to stop you beating their children

redk27 · 17/05/2016 20:24

My grandparents let their neighbours go across their garden for quite a few years and when it came to selling the neighbours successfully petitioned and got a right of way across the land. It caused an issue with the buyers as it was at the back of the house and the buyers wanted to build an extension.. Just a warning - I think lock the gate and use the insurance/safety argument...

TattyCat · 17/05/2016 20:40

Good. Glad that's sorted. The trouble with MN sometimes is that it's easy to forget that some people can have quite normal responses to a reasonable question! Grin

happybee1 · 18/05/2016 00:15

Pleased you sorted it Op. Just to say if u do make friends with these neighbours, don't offer the access again as other posters have said could lead to a right of way issue. If they find out u did it for the previous owner they may be able to claim.
My mum owned a flat that had quite a lot of garden some of which was opposite other flats. My mum, who had s heart of gold, agreed to let the neighbour use the garden outside her flat that belonged to our flat. Low and behold when my Mum sadly passed, she said as she had used it for X amount of years she had rights to it. My mum would have turned in her grave to know the flat was devalued by this. We had lawyers who seemed to think she had the right to keep it, in fact it cost us money to split the lease!!!

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 18/05/2016 00:35

What was the text you sent her OP - I can't see that you told us and I'd love to know :)

whydidhesaythat · 18/05/2016 07:52

"Hi really sorry this is entirely our fault but dh didn't tell me before making the offer about the garden and I find I am missing the privacy. Do you mind if we discontinue the arrangement"

I think her response is classier though

OP posts:
broadway15 · 18/05/2016 10:25

Omg...I live in terrace house where in the days of coal deliveries right of way is law through my garden for the neighbour which I always understood...however a tenant decided to use my garden as access to the property so that she didn't need to open the front door!....with strangers dogs and pushchairs sometimes taking me completely by surprise/shock. I talked to her about it life was living hell until she eventually moved cos she didn't care how it was making me feel...had to shut blinds/curtains all the time in fear of intrusion I am convinced it caused me to feel depressed

Oldraver · 18/05/2016 10:41

OP...I'm amazed you are able to text a brand new neighbour.

soolewis · 18/05/2016 11:14

I don't know if anyone else has mentioned this, but if you allow people to use your property/land for 20 years ( I think), they acquire 'prescriptive rights' legally to continue to do so - you might want to use this as an excuse to stop other people using it. Just a thought...

Kidnapped · 18/05/2016 13:50

Just Lock The Gate on this thread has become the new Just Cancel the Cheque on the cheeky bride thread.

Hope you don't end up in the Daily Mail OP. Smile

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 18/05/2016 15:36

Aw thanks for sharing that OP - I think it was a classy text that you sent! It was beautifully put - and yes her reply was nice too.

I'm hoping that she'll be genuinely friendly to you still after this - you sound very sweet :)