Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder if it's too late to stop my neighbours walking through my garden

260 replies

whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 16:19

We live in a row of houses that backs on to lovely moorland and the best thing about my house is that our garden has a gate on to the moor. most of the other houses do too but one house doesn't.

There's one small private spot, on a bench, inside a sort of half shed, where no-one can see you I like to potter in the garden

The previous owner of the house-that-doesn't became a dear friend of ours over the years and after we'd known each other about 8 years I told her she shouldn't keep walking round to the end of the road to get on the moor but should just treat our garden as the route.

So, a very pleasant new set of neighbours have moved in and DH, in a fit of welcoming enthusiasm, apparently said "oh feel free to go through our garden" to this complete stranger.

Consequently, I am finding that the family (mum and two girls, mum with friend, au pair with girls) just routinely walk back and forth through my garden.

Yesterday I wanted to go and garden but saw them setting off (after spotting acomplete stranger - the mum's friend, having a good look round) so locked the back gate whilst I was in the garden so there wouldn't be too much of shock when the gate opened (I know it's not a shock shock but some people will understand).

The garden was somewhere I felt safe. Having a family go through it is too much. But what the heck do I do? Dh says he is sorry and will tell them it was a mistake but that will just make me sound like a bitch.

DH of course never uses the garden and has no idea what it is to potter quietly in your safe place.

To explain it, it's not like having someone coming through your bedroom, but it is like someone walking through your hall.

The neighbour is going to think I'm a right cow if I say anything isn't she? Shall I just start accidentally locking it?

what do I do?

OP posts:
AvonCallingBarksdale · 16/05/2016 19:12

This is making me rather hot under the collar, OP. Your text isn't clear really. TBH, I'd find it odd that you were texting rather than talking to me considering you're so close. I also think it'll be better for future relations. Pop round with your baked goods, firm but fair, job's a goodun.

Artistic · 16/05/2016 19:12

Text what kidnapped said.
Very PC.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 16/05/2016 19:12

*close in distance, not emotions, obvs!

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 16/05/2016 19:12

No, send Kidnapped's text.

Or borrow my doggies and let loose in the garden, they will be begging you to lock the bloody gate.

whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 19:13

Cakes and wine sound great but it's delaying...

Bloody dh

OP posts:
AvonCallingBarksdale · 16/05/2016 19:13

As others have mentioned, though, aren't you setting yourself up for an established "right of way" if ever you do move (even if it's your friends coming through)?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 16/05/2016 19:13

I wouldn't send your text OP, even if she understands the meaning (that she should stop walking through your garden) you've made it all about you, your feelings, your DH being a twat and not wanting her around. Make it not about your or her, e.g. locking the gate to improve security, and the follow on (that she can't then use it) is much less personal.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 16/05/2016 19:14

Of course you'll let your children and their friends of through!

Cancel the bloody check, woman!

sizeofalentil · 16/05/2016 19:15

Can you tell a white lie? Say you've put down some seed or weed killer or something and can't have anyone walking over it for a bit. Then lock the gate and just never unlock it…

swelchphr · 16/05/2016 19:15

I'd just start locking my gate. After a week or so, they should stop trying.

whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 19:16

But I am not going to lock the gate! It bolts from the inside!

OP posts:
LastFirstEverything · 16/05/2016 19:16

Honestly OP, if I was your neighbour, I wouldn't think you were remotely mean or antagonistic if you didn't fancy having a load of random people traipse through YOUR garden every day. Just tell her you are unable to have them come through your garden anymore, for security reasons/ right of way reasons/ your own privacy reasons.

Don't make a big thing about apologising- just state the way things are going to be from now on. It's really not a big thing that you need to be sorry about, and if you make it sound like you're really, really sorry, the neighbour may well try to find ways around the problem...

Tbh, it sounds like an idyllic place to live, and your neighbour is lucky to live there, and not having direct access through a garden gate to a moor is not the be all and end all of it.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 16/05/2016 19:18

Take a bottle of wine/cake/baked goods, if you want.

No!

Now OP with start dithering whether to take white or red and if lemon drizzle cake is acceptable.
Grin

whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 19:18

"Privacy" is good

OP posts:
Mangetoutisdelicious · 16/05/2016 19:19

Maybe you should lock the gate all summer and give your kids a key to the padlock. Kids should be able to reach over to unlock it.
TBH it all sounds a bit of a security risk. We live a house that backs onto similar, and no way would I leave it unlocked..
Bit off topic, sorry !!

whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 19:21

Lol re lemon drizzle.

OP posts:
RTKangaMummy · 16/05/2016 19:22

yes to kidnapped text that she wrote further down/up the thread

fryingtoday · 16/05/2016 19:22

Rude to just lock the gate after what DH said. As another poster said, be smiley and apologise that he raised their hopes, you're really embarrassed, but you're finding it difficult to deal with the lack of privacy, I'm sure you understand etc ...
These are neighbours so far better to address it than just lick the gate and hope.
Odds are they'll totally understand.

fryingtoday · 16/05/2016 19:23

Actually maybe licking the gate ... With lion poo will do the trick ...

LastFirstEverything · 16/05/2016 19:24

Don't take round gifts. There's really no need at all.

You have no reason to soften the blow or sweeten the deal. You've nothing to be sorry for.

The bigger the apology/compensation, the bigger deal it seems to the neighbour. Just text/tell/write that you need your garden back, and don't be sorry about it!

whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 19:25

oh fuck fuck fuck

OP posts:
MadisonMontgomery · 16/05/2016 19:25

If a neighbour continues to use your garden for 20 years without you stopping it creates a legal right of way - I don't know if it would carry on from from a previous neighbour using it or whether it has to be the same one - but if you don't stop people traipsing across your garden soon you might be finding out.

Oldraver · 16/05/2016 19:25

Even though your DH is a prat, I'm sure when he made the offer he envisaged a once in a while neighbour using your garden.

Not her inviting all and sundry to nosey about and the Au Pair purposely going out of her way everyday just to take the scenic route.

So dont worry about any perceived offence..they are taking the piss

Just lock/bolt the gate

whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 19:26

I went round and the husband who I've never met was there and I saw him through the kitchen window and ran away but I bet he saw me :(

OP posts:
whydidhesaythat · 16/05/2016 19:28

fucking DH

OP posts: