Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reception Child alone at Party

425 replies

PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 17:51

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 19:05

I corrected my post, OP.

Why did you ask these questions at the party and not before? It sounds like you really.wanted.to.make.a.point. That is just obnoxious.

CoolCarrie · 15/05/2016 19:05

I always stayed because the parents were all friends so would enjoy catching up and having a few drinks too! Now DS is older, 12, we don't stay. Small, child in big open to public place with no one keeping an eye out is NOT a good idea imo!

Original poster
PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 19:05

Solid - I only spoke to party mum and my Hubby as we had our other children there as well (not at party). I kept an eye on her as there was no one to take her to the eating area as all other parents went to get their children when the lady announced it was time to go through to the party food room.

OP posts:
KirstyJC · 15/05/2016 19:05

It totally depends on the child. DS1 and DS2, not left until they were 5/6. DS3 was left from 4 quite happily - he is quite a precocious so-snd-so and not at all shy, plus has been to loads of parties from his older brothers.

All I do is make sure the parent running the party is happy with that, tell them no allergies/eats anything etc, and leave a telephone number. DS3 is usually off and playing long before I leave . I would also say over half the other parents do the same, judging by how many of them I meet in the car park at pick up time.

HamaTime · 15/05/2016 19:06

Why was she so shocked that she was expected to supervise a child who she invited? The mother didn't sneak out a fire exit or push the kid from a moving car. She spoke to the host parent and said she would be back at the end.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 19:07

You AND your husband were there? Wow.

Liiinooo · 15/05/2016 19:07

Absolutely normal. I live in London and a normal part of arranging a children's party was to ensure I had enough supportive relations and friends around to supervise the guests, whether at home or away. No one ever stayed with their DCs, it was very much. "bye, thank you for having them, see you in two hours'. I would have been quite peeved if some random school mum who I didn't know and didn't invite had been hanging around.

nancy75 · 15/05/2016 19:09

Op you say party mum wasn't asked to watch the child? If you are the mum hosting the party it should go without saying that you are watching the children.
When dd was this age we had a party with 35 kids, none of the patents stayed.
No parent asked me to watch their child, it was understood that I would be looking after them as I was hosting the party.

Original poster
PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 19:11

Lyin are you deliberately being a dick or what?

Yes my husband and I were there as our other children wanted to go to the PUBLIC playgym. Why shouldn't we both go and have a coffee and play with the kids?

I didn't ask her before because it never occurred to me that I would be asking those questions. I didn't want to prove a point at all. I was merely enquiring, as I have with this thread.

OP posts:
RequestInUse · 15/05/2016 19:11

Depends really. Type of kid, how friendly/well know to party child's parents, type of party etc. for yrR and maybe 1.

I usually hung around as extra help in general. And if I couldn't, I spoke to the parents about it. From yr 1-2 onwards it became the norm to just drop and go.

mushroomsontoast · 15/05/2016 19:12

Absolutely normal, I always drop and run! I would normally check with the party mum out of politeness, but they always say of course it's ok to go.

At a soft play party you have a list of kids attending and they are ticked off so you know who's there. They are enclosed so it's not like the kids are going to escape/hurt themselves. They are with all their friends, not 'alone'.

lavent · 15/05/2016 19:14

Totally normal here and I have left mine from age 4. I am a LP with other children so if I couldn't leave them they wouldn't be able to attend.
I always make sure the party parents know I am not able to stay and confirm they are ok with it in advance though.

scrivette · 15/05/2016 19:16

I always drop my four year old off, I do check with the parents before the party.
I am doing a class party in a hall shortly and would rather the parents didn't stay!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 19:16

No more dickish than you, Prickly. You just sound like one of those awful, gossiping, judgemental women that Les Dawson used to horribly stereotype.

Any reason for that?

AHellOfABird · 15/05/2016 19:17

8 is very old for the first leave!

Original poster
PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 19:18

I have no idea who Les Dawson is. Sorry if my thread has upset you.

Everyone else, thank you for your answers. It has been interesting to see how everywhere is different.

OP posts:
ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 15/05/2016 19:20

No she doesn't Lynn, she's asking a question, that judging from the responses, lots of people question.

Why wouldn't her husband be there? If DH and I found a slither of time off together we wouldn't go our separate ways just because one of the kids had a "thing", we'ld go together and make the most of our (limited) time off together by having a coffee and a nice chat while the kid played.

What's weird about that? we enjoy each others company and grab a coffee together when we can

AliceInUnderpants · 15/05/2016 19:21

You are repeatedly mentioning helping a child to eat. Do most 4 year olds need helping with eating?

RubbleBubble00 · 15/05/2016 19:22

Not with my first but my second who's in reception niw just drop and run. Most usually ask host if it's ok. Think its because most of reception class are 2nd and 3rd children so not as anxious

Original poster
PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 19:23

Alice - I dont mean to actually put the food in their mouths. They had to walk round a table putting food on their plates.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 19:24

I'm not upset by your thread and I'm sure you got the gist. It was in response to your post.

Anyway, my daughter would plead with me to be left when she was barely 3. I didn't but could have and she would have been in her element.

You know nothing of this child nor the mother, it's nice that you kept an eye on her but your questioning of the party mum was rude and gossipy. I don't like that. I don't like women who judge with no information. I asked you if there was a reason for it and you haven't said so maybe it's just one of those things.

Still, you can see that there's a variety of responses and it depends on individual circumstances, which you wouldn't know.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 15/05/2016 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marilynsbigsister · 15/05/2016 19:26

Fifteen years ago I was hosting parties for preschool/reception DC. Very NAICE area with majority sahm's. (Sadly not me)... Can't remember anyone staying for anything more than quick glass of vino or a cuppa...then off as soon as possible to enjoy some precious child free time .. In my circles 'only the weird mothers' stayed...and they were the usual suspects... The sort that hovered over their kids annoying the hell out of them and checking that they didn't eat too much junk. (Spoil sports!)

HamaTime · 15/05/2016 19:26

Why wouldn't the host mother offer the kid some food. You'd have to be an absolute arse to invite an adult to a party and not make sure they have enough to eat and drink, never mind a 4 or 5yo.

kitkat1968 · 15/05/2016 19:27

Ten years ago, Reception children were 5plus, not four year olds.
No they weren't!

In this area it is normal to be children to be 'left' as soon as they are toilet trained.I put 'left' in inverted commas because the party adults were looking after them!

Swipe left for the next trending thread