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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reception Child alone at Party

425 replies

PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 17:51

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

OP posts:
FreedomMummy · 15/05/2016 18:23

It varies from party to party here.
My reception child has been left but only in consultation with the parent.
At my own child's party only 2 mums stayed but only because their children didn't want to be left. I found it easier not having them all watching me run the party!!

UpsiLondoes · 15/05/2016 18:24

Totally shocking at our local and large play centre. Vey hard to keep track of your own child and very easy for a child to walk out with a couple of families who may be exiting. There's always a party with distressed adults trying to manage a tantruming child who doesn't want to leave and I've seen parents running after their kids who have managed to integrate themselves into the chaos and are about to slip through the manned exit doors with the group. In our centre, the party tables are also to the side so you can't physically see the play area or exit.

TrixieBernadette · 15/05/2016 18:24

I've done this. And been judged. But DS2 was an easy going child. And I had DS1 with SEN so often couldn't stay (single parent). YABU. They're at a party, you drop and go here.

whois · 15/05/2016 18:25

It isn't just 'stranger danger', it's what happens if she falls and hurts herself, or gets pushed around by over-excited older, bigger children

As the party host you ensure that you have enough 'responsible adults' to deal with the number of children you have invited.

JasperDamerel · 15/05/2016 18:25

Here the parents of firstborns tend to stay until the end of reception and the parents with elder children drop and run from the start of reception if their child is ok with it because otherwise it tends to turn into a logistical nightmare.

m0therofdragons · 15/05/2016 18:25

See here it's normal for year 1 dc to be left. Dtds are youngest in the year so by this stage in the school year many kids are the age dtds will be in year 1 iyswim. By September dtds will be happy to be left. They'd be happy now but I'm using parties to get to know parents as I don't do the school run.

TrixieBernadette · 15/05/2016 18:25

As in I would leave DS2 from age of 4. DS1 I don't think I've ever left at a party, and he's nearly 10.... But he doesn't get invited to many unsurprisingly....

RoobyTuesday · 15/05/2016 18:26

Very cheeky to assume two or three parents will happily supervise 20+ reception children at a party Hmmits usual where I am for parents to stay, one or two might go with someone else's parents but that's more the exception than the rule. Often soft play is not exclusive to the party, can't imagine the responsibility of having to look out for so many of other people's children with so many different kids charging about.

NarpIsNotACunt · 15/05/2016 18:27

This is not something I'd have done with my first child, but I would with my second - a combination of their personalities and my overprotectiveness.

I can't remember 100% but I would not have expected every parent to stay.

honkinghaddock · 15/05/2016 18:28

Around here everyone would stay for a 5 year olds soft play or bouncy castle in a hall type party.

ilovesthediff · 15/05/2016 18:28

Ow wow. Not normal here at all. Every child has a parent supervising.

titchy · 15/05/2016 18:28

Reception children were the same age 10 years ago. In fact 20 or 30 or 40 years ago. The starting age hasn't changed Confused

NarpIsNotACunt · 15/05/2016 18:28

I'd also assume that if someone were holding a party, they'd factor in supervision, and ask parents to stay if necessary

reallybadidea · 15/05/2016 18:28

Ten years ago, Reception children were 5plus, not four year olds.

What??! Ds1 started school aged 4 in 2004. It has been September following 4th birthday at least a fair few years before that.

And I definitely wasn't staying with him at parties by 9 months after starting school.

LunaLoveg00d · 15/05/2016 18:29

We are in Scotland so ages slightly different but as soon as children at school I wouldn't expect parents to stay. In the past when we've had a soft play party parents have stayed and had a coffee but it certainly wasn't expected.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 15/05/2016 18:29

OK so a mixed bag of answers. Guess it depends how well they know the other parents.

Nope, not in the case of our school where it's drop'n'run from reception
It's not an area with a high proportion of SAHMs, it's a lower income area so generally both parents have to work so a lot of kids have breakfast/afterschool club and some parents I have literally only ever seen dropping and picking up at parties because I don't see them on the days when I do school run (vs wrap around childcare)

It's not "unfriendly" it's just that everyone is very busy and it's not a villagey type school so I only really know the DDs best friends parents and the parents who drop the same days as me.

There isn't really a "school gates" scene with lots of SAHPs chatting, the ones who do do drops/pick ups are rushing too or from work. Which has it's benefits (no bitching!)

Which is why I think it's a shame that we don't do parents-stay parties, would be nice to get to know the other parents better as our paths don't cross much

titchy · 15/05/2016 18:29

Hey I started school at 4 and I'm geriatric!

redskytonight · 15/05/2016 18:33

Normal here too (and some would drop at pre-school age). I think it's very much an area thing though, I know my DILsaid she was "considering" leaivng her DC at Year 2, but it wasn't really the norm until Year 3 where she was.

If I were the party mum I'd expect to look out for all the children, and would factor in sufficient supervision for the number of children I had!

fastdaytears · 15/05/2016 18:34

Glad other people have questioned the change in Reception ages! I thought Reception was always the year you turned 5?

whois · 15/05/2016 18:35

Ten years ago, Reception children were 5plus, not four year olds.

Nope. I started school decades ago at age 4! It's always been thseotember after your 4th birthday for ages and ages.

OneOfTheGrundys · 15/05/2016 18:35

That's normal here. I've done it but I've always checked with the host what the expectations were. They have asked, on occasion, at places like that, if I'd mind staying and of course I did.

We've always made it clear on our DCs invitations that it's ok to dump and run - but then it always has been as we've never had a party with that many or in that sort of environment.

Original poster
PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 18:36

Yeah it seems to be an area thing. Guess if it was a private party it wouldn't have been so bad, but with so many other folk around I don't know how the party mum would have watched all the kids if they'd all been left. Guess it just seemed odd because she was the only one to be left as well. I didn't know if it was something parents did at a certain age or what.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 15/05/2016 18:36

I started reception in 1988 aged 4

ipsogenix · 15/05/2016 18:40

I would definitely never do this. I let me ds go to a friends' house for the first time without me today and he's now got a black eye and massive hawthorn spike in his foot that I can't get out. I think it varies depending on the life skills of the child. A child with an older sibling would have a much better chance of managing I think but I definitely would never have done this with my ds and neither would my dm with me.

Enkopkaffetak · 15/05/2016 18:40

With my 1st I would never have done that. With my 4th I did and I am not ashamed.