Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 12 13 14 15 16 17

Original poster

Reception Child alone at Party

425 replies

PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 17:51

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

OP posts:

treaclesoda · 17/05/2016 21:54

You don't agree with parents leaving their children at parties? Even if those parents have thought about the situation and decided that they are happy with the level of supervision and they trust the hosts? Or are you assuming that they haven't actually thought it through?

treaclesoda · 17/05/2016 21:54

Fair enough Gogo, it's just the

treaclesoda · 17/05/2016 21:56

Argh, posted too soon.

What I was going to say was that maybe that's regional as well? My DC have never been invited to a whole of class party, I've never heard of anyone round here doing that. So maybe that's why we're all happy to drop and run?

Woodhill · 17/05/2016 21:59

That's the whole point of a party to socialise your child. You leave your dc at school with a teacher all day. Mine are grown up but why wouldn't you if you know parent etc.

Mine went to play dates after nursery at just under 4

Chocwocdoodah · 17/05/2016 22:05

So according to some posters, if your child is invited to a party it's perfectly reasonable to expect the host to look after your child? What if you don't know the host that well - or at all - as I imagine is the case quite often? And where's the cut off point age-wise - would it be ok to leave say, your 3 yr old at a party?? They're offering a party not a bloomin babysitting service!

Woodhill · 17/05/2016 22:09

Probably not at 3 but definitely acceptable at 4 in my social circle once at nursery. I did a party for my ds at 4 and the parents left their doc, no qualms.

Most of us were relieved to have a break for a couple of hours. I make no apologies.

SarahJinx · 17/05/2016 22:21

We had this at the weekend, I hosted a small party for a few of dd's school friends. A few mums texted and asked if they should stay and k left it up to them, some I knew from the playground and sane I have never met Personally there is no way I would leave dd with people that I didn't know, in any party scenario actually. If i knew the mum/family then I might consider it but no way otherwise, I find it bizarre that anybody would

treaclesoda · 17/05/2016 22:26

I don't think any of the parents who have said they would drop and run have specifically said they would drop and run if a stranger was hosting the party. I know I've said all along that it's normal to drop and run where we live, but my DC have never been to a party hosted by a stranger. I wouldn't drop them with a stranger.

mw63 · 17/05/2016 22:28

I have always stayed at soft play parties with other general public there as ds has sn and can become overwhelmed by noise, balloons popping can make scream. Private hall and house parties I have dropped him off but other parents have been v understanding and supportive, especially one who's little girl was besotted with him and would be upset until he arrived. When we arrived late for her party once all the parents were so relieved when we turned up as she was in tears, Reception teacher used to say they were like a little old married couple. I did have to leave him once at a soft play but pre arranged with his MILfriends mum. Ds 5th party was best he had because all parents stayed, it was only time all parents had been together socially, it was at a v large soft play where party parents didn't have to pay. His birthday is 3 wks into summer hols andchildren were so happy to see each other each other. I have also had parents ask me if I could keep eye on their children when at others parties. It is usually a safe bet that I will be staying.

Purplehonesty · 17/05/2016 22:29

I drop ds at parties now, but only if

I know the parents well

It's a private party (ie a hall not a soft play that's open to public)

He feels comfortable with it.

He is nearly 7.

NancyPiecrust · 17/05/2016 22:30

Not normal in my area...

Blaah · 17/05/2016 22:42

Ok, it was a long time ago for me, in a land not too far away, but ffs have people really gotten that paranoid?
Apparently.
Even for 3yo kids if the host is willing to accept that quantity of small people, unless they specify that parent must stay, they are taking on the responsibility of looking after them. Fine, if you're not content with the children / adult ratio, offer to help, but don't get paranoid about the stranger danger. Even today, they are far more likely to die from a road accident or not being vaccinated, than encountering a "stranger" at a local birthday party, no matter where it is hosted.

Rgtwinmum · 18/05/2016 08:00

I wouldn't leave a child that age at all, there is no need to and it is far too risky. I know as the parent who has thrown parties it is an impossible task watching every child every minute. It only takes a second for something to happen. You are trusting the 4 year old to keep themself safe.

frangeslistic · 18/05/2016 10:01

To leave a small child at a public soft play area with dozens of strangers, and them being free to wander anywhere and to go to the toilet on their own is not much different from taking them to a crowded fairground and leaving them there for a couple of hours on their own. The only way I would do it is if a familiar parent had agreed to watch them. Anyone who has left a child like this and it's all turned out ok is just lucky, in my opinion.

Originalfoogirl · 18/05/2016 11:27

Several comments about what is "the done thing now"

The "done thing" now, and always has been, to talk to the host and ask what they would prefer. It is good manners. Regardless of whether you never stay, or if you always do, the polite thing to do is to ask the host can you stay or should you go. It's clear from here that different people have different expectations of parties and the format they take, it makes sense to clarify things.

Would I leave a four year old at a soft play party? Probably not. Would I leave them at a house party? Probably. But I've never really had the chance to test that as our girl needs help at parties because of her disability.

LillyGrinter · 18/05/2016 11:44

Originalfoogirl, you're the most sensible poster yet. All this talk of rules of hosting are insane. Every situation is different

JustanotherKaren · 18/05/2016 13:01

Here, here... So much depends on the situation, the location, your child, your relationship with the host mother, etc etc. Think we're probably all sensible and savvy enough to be 100% sure that we're expected/invited to stay and help supervise, or drop and pick up, from the start...yes? :)

Clarissa69 · 18/05/2016 17:59

Agree with gogogobo - normal party for us when there were lots of parties was at least twenty to thirty kids. I wouldn't take responsibility for that number and would be angry at any parent that made assumptions that I would!

If I have a house party thrn I would invite fewer and fine - I woukd be not expect parents to stay and would say that on the invite (if they are comfortable with that).

Public places - no way am I leaving my child there without me. Helicopter parenting?? I'm more like a constant spectre!

Clarissa69 · 18/05/2016 18:00

Please ignore the typos - too busy being a helicopter parent 😜

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 18/05/2016 22:30

I think that people who think it's ok to leave children with a couple of parents supervising (toilet trips possible accidents) are deluded. Think about child minders they're only allowed to look after a small number of children and have to be qualified. Things can go wrong, children can get lost or hurt. You can't supervise all toilet trips. I went to the theatre once with the Beavers as an example. I decided to go anyway as wanted to see the show with the family together however, some parents sent their children off with the leaders who had a large number of children to supervise. They could not manage them all and had to let them go off unsupervised during the show to the toilet. I don't think people think about logistics of these things. Yes nice to let children have a bit of independence, but someone needs to be around nearby just in case.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 18/05/2016 22:38

Also party hosts tend to be busy and don't really have time to look after the children constantly as well. Other parents need to stick around to help too. I think it's only fair. I would not be very happy to be left with a lot of 4 or 5 year olds to supervise. Luckily when I've held parties most people have stayed with their children as they realise they are needed and the children of that age usually prefer it. The odd few may go, usually a miniroty for that age and only for a good reason. Obviously if at someone's house you may only need a few to stay and help out.

fastdaytears · 18/05/2016 22:44

some parents sent their children off with the leaders who had a large number of children to supervise. They could not manage them all and had to let them go off unsupervised during the show to the toilet

You can't really say that parents shouldn't leave their kids on an accompanied trip with Beavers. The leaders should not have been sending kids off unaccompanied. Rainbows are a very similar age and we have to have 1 adult to 6 kids and never let anyone wanted off but would be if parents hung around on a trip. Those leaders don't sound great.

Sorry for the de-rail.

JustanotherKaren · 18/05/2016 22:56

Weren't all the parents present at the party except for the mother of this one little girl....? In which case, plenty of supervision. Most probably, Reception child's mother had already checked with the host mum - or another mum - to keep an eye out anyway, so this is a storm in a teacup.

treaclesoda · 19/05/2016 06:54

There are quite a few posts saying what terrible, deluded, neglectful parents anyone is who doesn't stay at a child's birthday party. Yet also many, possibly hundreds, of posts saying that's exactly what people do. And zero posts saying that any harm has come to a child due to being left at a party.

Surely the only reasonable thing to do is allow parents to judge for themselves according to the circumstances? A lot of people are assuming that parties have all got 30 kids and one or two adults. That's not my experience at all, it's more like 10 kids and five adults round here. So I'm expected to drop and run. That doesn't make me neglectful. If it was 30 kids and 2 adults of course I would look at it differently.

fastdaytears · 19/05/2016 07:12

Surely the only reasonable thing to do is allow parents to judge for themselves according to the circumstances

Which should basically be the answer to everything on MN

Flip

1 2 ··· 12 13 14 15 16 17