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AIBU?

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Original poster

Reception Child alone at Party

425 replies

PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 17:51

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

OP posts:
ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 15/05/2016 18:40

I think it's probably out of order to go against the done thing in your area, because the done thing will be what the hosts are expecting

If drop'n'run is the done thing, it might be seem as rude for parents of kids who happily skip off and don't need help to stay.. because the hosts may feel like they're then obliged to cater for adults too and hadn't planned to. The hosts may feel it's an extra element of hosting (offering the parents drinks and snacks) and therefore extra work compaired to just feeding and watering the kids

If parents stay is the done thing, it might be rude to leave as the hosts may have A. planned activities around the assumption of lots of supervision, and B. have already bought enough tea coffees etc to go around all the adults they're expecting

It's not hard to just check with the hosts. Even though I know our area does drop'n'run, I never drop'n'run without double checking that it's okay with this particular host, just as a courtesy, even if I've seen other parents walk away after dropping.

WanHeda · 15/05/2016 18:40

Very normal here.

honkinghaddock · 15/05/2016 18:42

I started school the term I turned 5. There would not have been any reception children younger than about 4.8.

AliceInUnderpants · 15/05/2016 18:43

Perfectly fine if both child and party host are okay with it. Some children are perfectly independent at this age - after all, parents don't accompany their children to nursery or school at this age do they?

BusStopBetty · 15/05/2016 18:44

Not at a soft play party. Not unless another adult had agreed to keep an eye on them. It's hard enough to keep any eye on one child at our local one (it's massive), there is no way you could look after 12.

Older kids, no problem. Glad to drop and run from the headache factory.

Iwantacampervan · 15/05/2016 18:44

When I started teaching in the mid 80s children started school the term after they were 5, this meant that the summer borns had two fewer terms at school than the autumn born children. I'm not sure when the rule changed as I moved age groups/schools.
I haven't organised a party for many years as mine are teenagers and do their own thing but I always made sure that I had friends who were going to stay and help out . If other parents wanted to stay (ours were usually at some form of soft play or swimming) then it was a bonus. Part of the 'stress' of hosting a party is being responsible for all of the children, taking them all in groups to toilets and constantly checking that you had seen them all over the course of the play. I wouldn't have hosted a party from Reception and assumed that all parents would stay.

Mov1ngOn · 15/05/2016 18:45

Alice - not a great comparison. They have settling sessions at nursery and school, it's a familiar environment with a familiar adult.

Obviously some areas do do this. I still wouldn't and glad it's not the norm in our area while they're little!

Cressandra · 15/05/2016 18:46

Very normal round here - through YR it progressed from everyone staying to more or less everyone dropping off. The odd one or two who still stayed with their PFB were dropping their second off by this stage of YR.

AgingJuvenileBinkyHuckaback · 15/05/2016 18:49

It varies by area - it's a group norm really. And of course it will vary by time of year. A bunch of four year olds at an October party are quite different from a group of mostly five year olds coming to the end of reception in May of the following year. I wouldn't have dropped and run with a reception child because mine were both quite immature at that stage, but I know other people with more mature children did. (And some just took every conceivable opportunity to ditch their DC on someone else.)

nancy75 · 15/05/2016 18:49

Dd went to a party pretty much every week in the summer of her reception year, I didn't stay at any of them and neither did the other parents, drop and run is very much the norm here

TrashPanda · 15/05/2016 18:50

Normal at our school from probably second or third party into reception, so by Christmas or so. I would only stay if it was a parent I was friends with to have a chat. There's usually a couple of parents who stay each time and will all pitch in at food time to make sure everyone gets some. I would always help a child that had been dropped off if they needed it.

SIL has a child the same age and in a school 5 mins down the road and they still stay in Y2 though so it very much varies. Not sure if any of it is down to school size, at DNs school they have a two form intake, so 60 kids in the year. Our school is a single form intake and we have an unusually small class of 20.

TheWindInThePillows · 15/05/2016 18:50

My bad. I was pretty sure that children started in the term they were five, not the year they were five in the past.

Still didn't drop and run at that age, at school the children are let out one by one by the teacher to a designated parent. I don't think it's fine to have a four year old unsupervised in a huge play centre, who could potentially leave/get upset/need a hand with the toilet/get lost. Four is absolutely not responsible enough unless there's a designated adult who is in charge and checking on them occasionally. Parties at home are different, hopefully there's less chance of escape!

thisishardwork · 15/05/2016 18:52

I wouldn't leave mine. Open to the public, inc toilets and I wouldn't expect anyone else to take on that responsibility. At 4 I was still following mine around the soft play! I have been at parties where unknown child has joined in the birthday tea bit. Children playing beside them must have moved to the party room and they just went with them.

MrsHarveySpecter · 15/05/2016 18:53

Very normal here (London). Thank goodness - sitting through 20+ kids' parties would be horrendous. DD is in reception and perfectly capable of taking herself to the toilet or asking for someone to call DH or me if required. We are a close knit school and although I'm not at the school gates everyday have managed to meet lots of the parents, and make some good friends, without having to hang around bouncy castles.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 18:58

Yes, you're unreasonable - and an interfering busybody to boot. You had no business asking the party mum if dropping-off mum had asked her to watch her child. It was a private party, child's mother decided that her daughter was find being left to play.

Even busybodies take their eyes off their children for a second or two, a child can just as easily have an accident then - just so you know.

You do sound awfully judgemental and gossipy. I wonder what party mum thought of you? I might have answered your question but I would have told you that I had no issue with being in loco parentis for the child. Nosey and interfering.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 18:59

*wasn't a private party but, child's mother decided her daughter was fine being left to play.

SolidGoldBrass · 15/05/2016 18:59

So OP, did you help look after the child, or were you too busy judging the mother and making sure everyone at the party knew what you thought about her?

You clearly know sod all about her, so it might not have occurred to you that she did a drop'n'run because she had to go to work, or the child has one or more siblings who were not invited but cannot be left.

AHellOfABird · 15/05/2016 18:59

At the beginning of reception, everyone stayed; by the end of reception, around half stayed, the rest left mobile numbers.

Party mum could have said to leaving mum that parents were staying on this occasion...

HamaTime · 15/05/2016 19:00

Totally normal here, as is staying. The only time I've been told I have to stay is swimming parties where under 8s need an adult with them. If I'm having a party I ask my friends if they will be able to stay and help, I don't expect the other parents to give up 2 hours of their Saturday afternoon. If they want to or they think their child wants them there then fair enough but it's the job of the host to make sure they have enough adult helpers.

AHellOfABird · 15/05/2016 19:00

... If, that is, party mum was bothered - it's clear you are but nit clear she was!

scallopsrgreat · 15/05/2016 19:02

I had a nursery child left at one of my DS's parties. Round here it's almost exclusively the Dads who drop and run.

Original poster
PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 19:03

Lyinwitch, it was not a private party - it was 12 kids at a large playgym. Party mum may have thought I was all the things you say but she said that she was shocked that the mum didn't ask her to watch the child. I asked what age kids normally are left (she has a couple of older kids) and she said when they're about 8 she felt ok to leave hers.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 19:04

Oh but it's fine for Dads to drop and run, bless them. Heaven help a mother that does it though... watch out, watch out there's a nosey parker about!

Xmasbaby11 · 15/05/2016 19:04

It's not normal around here, certainly not if other adults don't know child well. It's actually hard keeping an eye on more than one or two children at a large soft play. My dd is 4 and still sometimes get lost / needs rescuing or would just want to come to me and escape the crowds sometimes.

I think people leave them at 5 or 6 where I live.

Aworldofmyown · 15/05/2016 19:04

I suspect this mother had older children - you get a bit more relaxed about this stuff !!

On another note I have always left DD at parties where possible, sometimes I would judge the venue and decide to stay so it really depended. DD would not enjoy the party if I stayed, she would sit next to me and refuse to join in. If I left she would play and have fun.

I think your being a bit judge tbh and I agree with a pp, if you are having a party you have to expect to be responsible for those children. Any parents that stay are a bonus (or as they get bigger, slightly annoying!!!!)

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