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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reception Child alone at Party

425 replies

PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 17:51

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 15/05/2016 18:08

Sorry if drip feeding but mother of party girl said she hadn't asked her to watch her

Why did you ask the party mother?

paxillin · 15/05/2016 18:09

Some people here do it, not many though. I've had kids dropped at our party (in an open park) and I said fine, but I do not take responsibility, so unless you totally trust your 4yo not to run off, don't.

OohMavis · 15/05/2016 18:10

Perfectly normal from nursery age around here.

Original poster
PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 18:10

Fast - I asked her because the girl said to the party mother that she needed a wee and could she go with her. I said "where is "child's" mum?" and party mum said "she just left her. Just said she would be back at the end"

OP posts:
musicposy · 15/05/2016 18:12

15 years back, when my DDs were that age, it was normal to drop and run by reception or often younger. I remember having a party when DD was 5 (most were 4) and none of the parents stayed, including for one of DDs friends who was only 3.

A friend of mine has children around 10 years younger than mine. I helped her run her 6th party and was shocked at how many parents stayed and hovered over their offspring the whole time. It would have driven me mad.

There were other parents there presumably in charge. I do wonder if we've got a bit precious nowadays.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 15/05/2016 18:14

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LouBlue1507 · 15/05/2016 18:14

It's none of your business tbh, stop being a judgemental busy body! 'Anything could happen'.. You are being precious and ott!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 15/05/2016 18:15

Would be unusual to drop and leave a four year old here. MOre usual from 5/6 maybe.

Northernlurker · 15/05/2016 18:15

I think it's normal to leave a child at that age. The hosting parent is responsible. Large playgym type places usually have controlled entrance and exit don't they? What do you think could happen? The worst that occurs to me is a nasty friction burn on the slide...........

cariadlet · 15/05/2016 18:16

It must vary from area to area.

When my dd was in Reception most parents stayed. I was happy to stay, because it gave me a chance to chat and get to know the other mums.

It seems strange to leave a 4 year old at such a busy party without checking that there was a familiar adult who would look after her. The little girl might have been happy and confident, but surely there needs to be someone who would take her to the toilet or comfort her if she hurt herself.

TheWindInThePillows · 15/05/2016 18:17

Ten years ago, Reception children were 5plus, not four year olds. I think a year or so makes a huge difference. I didn't drop and run til mine were five or six and even then I didn't always drop and run where there seemed to be the potential for problems- so a village hall with an open entrance, or if the hosts looked too busy to supervise.

I think that many children is a nightmare to supervise, I would say drop and run started about 5/6 and not with four year olds.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/05/2016 18:17

Totally normal round my way.

In fact dd2 had a party today, whole reception class of 30 invited, I dropped and ran. Half way through I had to go back to get a bag is forgotten, and sat there were about 4 parents in a row on chairs looking thoroughly bored.

Balletgirlmum · 15/05/2016 18:18

Yes its normal & essential if you have uninvited siblings.

MadamDeathstare · 15/05/2016 18:18

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ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 15/05/2016 18:19

Yes it's normal in the DDs school.

I'm not personally comfortable with drop'n'running my own kids until roughly yr2, but drop'n'run is the done thing from reception in our school. There's usually only a handful of parents (The parents of kids with SEN and maybe one or two others who have shy kids… and me Grin up until end of yr1/yr2 even though my DDs would happily stay without me!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 15/05/2016 18:20

I remember this happening actually when DD1 was that age. The mother left the four year old, didn't ask anyone to look after her and left. The little girl needed help in the bathroom, with her dress, got a bit distressed at something. The other parents had little ones to look after, the Birthday child's parent was busy doing games etc. and she really shouldn't have been left for every one else to look after.

When kids are that bit older, they don't need 'help' and so they can just be supervised, but if a four year old needs attention for bathroom stuff or whatever, then the parent needs to be around.

Mov1ngOn · 15/05/2016 18:20

That's what I think cariadlet. The child doesn't know the adult so may not know to ask for the loo etc.

Also it's how parents got to know each other around here. I know from previous threads it's different in different areas but people would probably be a bit judge here.

MadamDeathstare · 15/05/2016 18:20

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ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 15/05/2016 18:20

I think it's a shame that we have a drop'n'run culture in our school because parties would be a good opportunity to get to know some of the parents you don't see at pick up, build relationships with them for playdates etc

But agree it is handy when you have more than one child to be able to drop'n'run oherwise you get bitched about on MN for bringing siblings

Only1scoop · 15/05/2016 18:21

To be honest I think it's pretty lax

However I think it differs through areas, communities etc.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/05/2016 18:21

They go to the toilet themselves at school once in reception.

mailfuckoff · 15/05/2016 18:22

We had a full reception party for my Dt in June, so nearly a full year into school. One parent stayed. We had plenty of adults around (out friends and family ) and we managed it between us, including one child with a prior head injury, one with allergies and a halal child :-)

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 15/05/2016 18:22

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Original poster
PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 18:22

OK so a mixed bag of answers. Guess it depends how well they know the other parents.

Maybe I am being a judgemental busy body, Lou Blue, but the child didn't seem to know any of the adults and I felt sorry for her when every other child had a parent there to help them with their tea or to be there if they got hurt (like my child did).

OP posts:
TerriblePlanning · 15/05/2016 18:23

It's interesting what age people leave their children. My DC is in Year 3 and at all the parties he has had and at all the parties he has attended, most of the parents have stayed. These children are 8 year old!