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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reception Child alone at Party

425 replies

PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 17:51

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

OP posts:
Cushionwoman · 16/05/2016 19:01

I would never do this. Worried about them when they go out of sight for a couple of minutes at soft play!

clarehhh · 16/05/2016 19:18

Perfectly normal to leave them at a party it is their time.I was appalled to get an invite when son was 3 and a half inviting him plus an adult to a small party at boys home, he was third child and we always dropped at parties, partly because other children also going to parties and partly because he was confident going to toilet etc.Would expect organiser to watch out for the children unaccompanied and think it is ridiculous not to let a child enjoy a party in a supervised setting alone.Swimming parties are worst as strict rules on numbers meant arm twisting every friend I had to get swim suit on!

Sara107 · 16/05/2016 19:23

My daughter is 6 and we have started leaving her at some parties ( village hall ones) but not soft play. Partly because by the time you drop off and get home it's time to go back! But also I just wouldn't, she does still need help with things like going to the loo ( not the actual toileting, just finding where it is in a strange place, pushing open heavy doors etc). At the parties we have hosted parents have mainly stayed, or we have been told that X's parent is in charge of Y as well. dD's 5th party was the first time unattended children were left and we did ask the abandoning parents to leave their name and contact number on a piece of paper. A child turned her ankle about 30 seconds after her Dad left (bloody high heels!!!!) And I felt a bit stressed applying ice packs and caring for the child while everyone else was arriving and I needed to be getting everything set up. Another child refused to join in the party, or even go into the hall. She tried to leave, and while I was rushing to get party tea for 24 children ready I was trying to desperately coax her in from the carpark. Once her Mum returned she was happy to join in, clearly wasn't ready to be left. No way would I think it OK to leave a 4 year old unless there was another parent in loco parentis as it were.

oobedobe · 16/05/2016 19:37

I can't believe people host a party for a bunch of kids and DON'T think it is their responsibility to mind those kids for the duration of the party! Gosh if you can't handle 30 kids then invite 12 or invite 5 to your house, decide what you can manage and throw the appropriate party.

The host has to be responsible that doesn't change whether the child is 10 or 4, kids have accidents, get sick etc and you might have to deal with it. These are school aged children and I am sure they are perfectly able to spend two hours in a child friendly location with some mild supervision from the hosts.

Unless you know your child is a terror at softplay, very clingy or has additional needs I do not see that parents need to stay at 4/5.

paxillin · 16/05/2016 19:47

oobedobe the host has to be responsible Grin? Na, I'll stick to parents being responsible.

To soften the blow of having to look after their own kids, I feed the parents and offer wine.

AHellOfABird · 16/05/2016 19:50

There were 12 kids, not 30, at this party, FWIW

WipsGlitter · 16/05/2016 19:55

I've not read the full thread but in my opinion you ARE in charge of all children at the party. So no need to ask anyone to 'watch' your child. That's the responsibility of the host parents.

If you can't deal with that get more helpers or invite fewer children.

Having said that three parents stayed at DSs party and he's 8!!

paxillin · 16/05/2016 19:58

Or invite the parents, too. I am NOT responsible and make that very clear. We celebrate in public places, I absolutely do not take on the responsibility. Kids are now old enough to trust, but I still say, look the party is large, I do not keep track of each child. Never had anybody turn it down.

LillyGrinter · 16/05/2016 21:31

Windows find it hard to believe that people have such strong opinions on this. It's common sense, if the host would rather not to take responsibility for looking after the kids, then you stay. If they're happy for you to go, then that's fine.

DixieNormas · 16/05/2016 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greathat · 16/05/2016 22:09

I did a party for my daughter when she was in reception. One of her friends had a younger sibling who was 2 at the same time who went to nursery with my son, so I invited the sibling too. Grandmother turned up. Left 4 year old and 2 year old and left! 2 year old was midway through potty training. Spent the whole party asking someone else's 2 year old if they needed the loo. I should point out other parents had left so I'd left a piece of paper with pen for them to write emergency contact info if they did go. Just didn't expect the grandma to be one of them!

When she came back she told us the mother didn't know she'd left them unsupervised...

Topofthemorning3 · 16/05/2016 22:19

I could be the host parent here as I held a party for my 5yo at a soft play yesterday and 1 parent left her little girl. My first thought was worry that with everything else I'm going to have to look out for her - it was first time I'd met the little girl too!
All other parents stayed which is the norm in reception.
To the pp who said host parents are responsible - don't agree at all, that's beyond the call of duty esp at a soft play party!!

Farandole · 16/05/2016 22:20

I think this very much depends on the school, not even the area you are in! My kids go to indies a few yards from each other. When DD was in reception, the 'drop and run' at birthday parties was the norm for everyone in her class, irrespective of venue. Now that DS (two years younger than DD) is in reception, all parents seem to stay at parties. I can't figure out if this is a boys/girls issue or something else.
But yes, I'd say YABU to be clutching your pearls.

Farandole · 16/05/2016 22:22

Aargh just noticed this thread is miles long. Sorry haven't RTFT. OP you should just cancel the cheque :o

Chocwocdoodah · 16/05/2016 23:02

Not managed to read everyone's comments but I don't think you're weird. In my daughters class there is a parent who always drops off their DD at parties and asks me to watch her (as our DDs are friends). I always find it a bit odd and cheeky - what if I wanted to leave the party too (I wouldn't)? What if all the parents buggered off?And there's another parent who always drops off their DS without even telling anyone they're not going to stay. It's v difficult to look after a gang of 20+ kids running around like loons and unfair to expect the host parent to do so.

BackforGood · 17/05/2016 00:02

It's not "unfair to ask the host parents". They need to only invite as many people as they are prepared to be responsible for.
As I said earlier, that could include asking some of the guests parents to help, but I've always ensured I've asked only the number of children, the number of adults I can get to help, can be responsible for.

LillyGrinter · 17/05/2016 00:13

Who's rule is that Backforgood? Again it's common sense, you play it by ear, if the parent wants you to stay then you stay?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 17/05/2016 00:27

It's like that round here as well back it's quite usual to rope in extra adults to help supervise party guests and quite unusual for the guests parents to stay unless they are the prearranged helpers.

If this is not going to happen it would be very strange for the invites not to be very clear that it was a stay and play session for parents. Tbh parties like that for school age kids tend to be the ones where hardly anybody shows up

BackforGood · 17/05/2016 00:28

Basic rule of hosting - you provide what needs to be provided. Might be the entertainment, the drink, the food, the venue, and, when it's a party for dc, then it's the safety aspect. It's just irresponsible to say you will take dc to a venue, and then not provide enough care for them. As I've said about 3 times now, that can be other parents of invitees, but it's down to the host to ask them to stay and help, and not assume.

LillyGrinter · 17/05/2016 00:48

Well I've got to say because in our class parents have always stayed at parties, I am assuming that the Parents,are staying on Saturday. so if that's irresponsible then so be it.

oobedobe · 17/05/2016 01:30

But Paxillin what about other types of parties for slightly older DC, taking a group of kids to the cinema or bowling - are you going to insist on those parents coming too? Or a sleepover are the parents to stay then? Or do you accept that there will be many different forms of parties and celebrating with DC that will involve YOU the HOST being responsible for the kids invited.

I understand that if you are hosting a party in a park you don't want people to drop young DC and run, but a gated soft-play centre is not a public park.

I think some of you are going to get a big shock when your kids turn 6 or 7 and suddenly all the extra 'helper parents' drop and run. "beyond the call of duty" indeed :)

Supermum1982 · 17/05/2016 05:43

Completely depends on the child and what parents are at the party.

My first would've legged it without supervision and that wasn't something I was comfortable asking another parent to 'supervise'.

My second however would've been more than happy IF she knew one of the other mothers well.

I've never actually done this myself but have looked out for others when mums have needed to dash off. It's what you do as a parent.

Mov1ngOn · 17/05/2016 06:37

Oobedobe. Of course when they're older you take to the cinema etc yourself. You presumably would expect parents to stay if you host a 1 or 2 year old party so all that's being discussed is the age at which you stop staying with them, not that it's odd to stay in itself.

Around here it would be rather odd if you left a reception age kid unless another parent who knew the kid was watching them.

I can quite imagine in a closer knit area where all the kids know each others parents it could be different.

Topofthemorning3 · 17/05/2016 06:59

Sorry, but the idea that you suddenly hand over all care and responsibility for your reception child to an adult(s) you probably haven't met and leave them in a soft play where the environment is not contained v well is just completely alien to me.
As I said, this was me yesterday (my 5yo's party) and it did not even occur to me that I'd need to explicitly ask parents to stay - it's just a given. For the little girl who was left, I could barely remember what she looked like. I haven't met half the class before and don't know names/ faces.
For my elder dd (y2) it's normal to leave them. The parents know each other and the kids much better and the parties tend to be smaller manageable affairs.
Sounds like every area is different but it is really unfair/ unwise to lay that responsibility on the host - your child, your responsibility. Always.

WipsGlitter · 17/05/2016 07:09

I can't believe people think they are not responsible for children at a party. If you want parents to stay you should make that clear on the invite (although most parents here ask - hoping the answer is no!!) particularly if it's somewhere like soft play.