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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reception Child alone at Party

425 replies

PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 17:51

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

OP posts:
JustanotherKaren · 17/05/2016 17:29

It was considered v normal, and was generally expected that lots of parents would drop off and pick up later from around the age of 3, when my kids were small and going to this sort of party (20 years ago). If the 4yr old is in Reception, she's already being left in the care of other adults all day at school :)

jkgirl · 17/05/2016 17:34

My girls are 19 and 17 and it was the expected thing to leave them at parties when they were younger, especially at this stage in the year where they had formed friendship groups. I'm not sure if it's different now, bit out of the loop now .....

pleasethankyouthankyouplease · 17/05/2016 17:43

Very abnormal JK- what on earth ARE you thinking ??!!!!! You should ( at their age ) be joining in with the party fun...!

I think expecting one " host" to successfully care for more than 8x 4 year olds is a pretty big ask. I guess that's why you get ratios of adults to kids on things like school trips...

elle8908 · 17/05/2016 17:44

Eugh I hate staying at kids parties! My son started school in September and at one point we had parties every weekend...just the way I want to spend my days off watching kids run around high on sugar and enduring small talk about "the school" and other things.
I also have a two year old too so it's a royal pain in the arse to have to find childcare for him JUST so I can sit through the above. I left him at his first party last week, he was fine, and I'll be doing it from now on.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 17/05/2016 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreshHorizons · 17/05/2016 17:46

I'm surprised that people accept invitations if they don't trust the parent. I find it quite insulting that they are willing to send them but don't think I am responsible enough to make adequate supervision.

CosmicOwl · 17/05/2016 17:48

My Dc3 went to a reception child's party last week at soft play, out of about 20 children I'd say about 6 parents stayed, I didn't. So definitely normal to drop and run here and has been since my eldest was that age.

pleasethankyouthankyouplease · 17/05/2016 17:51

Is it a " trust" issue? I think it's more logistics... Mind you. I've always adored the parents who stay and lend a hand rather than use it as baby sitting service. Totally get that it's not always possible- particularly with siblings in tow. I ve been there!

ijustdonotknow · 17/05/2016 17:51

I was a little taken aback when I moved to the north east and all the parents stayed when I had my 4 year old's party in my little house. I really hadn't catered for that many!
A month previously to that I didn't expect to stay when mine was invited to a play-gym party - I thought (perhaps naively reading this!) that the people inviting my child would take care of him.

Lovelychick34 · 17/05/2016 17:52

It's absolutely normal for parents to leave their kids at a playgym birthday party.
In actual fact sometimes it's a good idea because there's not enough food to feed the kids let alone the parents.Smile

cherrybath · 17/05/2016 17:53

I'd say it was nonsense too, I left my children alone at parties at this age, though normally the parties were not in places that were open to the public like this one. I suppose they could have been a bit of rough play with so many other children there, presumably some were quite a lot older.
Usually my children knew the hosts' children pretty well and were happy to be left.
I might be more concerned if the gym didn't have its own staff supervising the children whilst they were there, but not sure if that was the case here.

emmakc1977 · 17/05/2016 17:56

Normal here too - I hate staying at parties when there are a zillion other things I need to get done! I think so long as the child is confident and happy to be left at a party its fine. I do have three kids so might have been a bit more careful with the first one lol

Mov1ngOn · 17/05/2016 17:57

Cherry - if the children know the hosts parents well that's completely different t!

Here it's a 3 form entry school, I still don't know most kids parents. You don't know half the children you invite and soft plays are often open to the public.

I think people are extrapolating from their own circumstances.

No I certainly wouldn't drop in reception at parties where I don't know the hosts and my child is only in reception.

Maybe yes if we already all knew each other from preschool...

FreshHorizons · 17/05/2016 17:58

Of course it is a trust issue. I am a responsible adult- why on earth would I hold a party that I hadn't organised properly? Confused

Sheffmum1 · 17/05/2016 18:00

With reception child- I would leave child at a parents house, if they are happy and I KNEW them , but STAY in a public place (even in the background). I have seen the comments on obssesive parents but I would rather be a bit like that than my child being taken by a pedophile- nuff said.

Clarissa69 · 17/05/2016 18:00

It is not hysterical nonsense! I know mums that do leave their kiddies but only the odd one or two - most stay with theirs at a party if they are as young as 4. I leave my eight year old now but only if I have to. I am pretty over the top about this though but I still think four is young. Maybe she did organise it with the parent organiser? I once had a parent leave a little four year old at my youngest son's party, not organised with me and no present for my DS - on top of that, they turned up late to pick him up 🙄

debbiew21 · 17/05/2016 18:01

When mine were that age it was normal for most parents to leave. A few stayed if their child was lacking in confidence a bit. When you leave a child at a birthday party, you are leaving them in the charge of the host's parent and that parent is agreeing to being responsible for those children for that period of time. If you don't want that responsibility then it should be spelled out in the invitations that parents are expected to stay with their child. If the child's mother expected everyone else to leave and the host's mother expected everyone to stay, that is where the issue lies, not with the child being left in the first place.
Personally, when running birthday parties, I always took a contact number from parents just in case of emergency as I had visions of broken bones etc.

Clarissa69 · 17/05/2016 18:01

Would leave my child at a house party maybe but not in a public place at four - no way!!

FreshHorizons · 17/05/2016 18:01

In my experience adults who stay are no help whatsoever- they just chat among themselves.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 17/05/2016 18:02

It's responsible to stay with a child of that age, they're not old enough to be left at a party at a big venue till age 6. How weird that some people thing OP is being ridiculous.

JasperDamerel · 17/05/2016 18:05

It seems ridiculous if you live somewhere where dropping off younger children at a party is absolutely normal and expected and causes no problems.

toodles60 · 17/05/2016 18:08

As this wasn't another childs home then yes it was irresponsible and bad parenting and it concerns me that other parents on this thread think its ok to dump a 4 year old child in a public place for a birthday party. people besides the parents of children at the party had access. It was a public place not someones home. I find it shocking that some here think that is ok. It isn't. It is bad parenting and putting your child in danger.

SquirrelChaser · 17/05/2016 18:12

At a similar party for my youngest, one of the mums whose ds was invited asked if she could bring her dd too. I said that, as it was a public venue, I was sure that, if she paid for her to go in, there would be no problem. She turned up, told the staff that I had agreed she could attend the party and left both children whilst she and her dh went off for a meal together. I knew nothing about this until the staff expected her to sit at the meal table and there wasn't a space for her.

I couldn't not feed her so did but obviously didn't have a party bag for her (and she kicked off) but the staff were really decent and said that I didn't have to pay for her as they hadn't checked with me before letting her join the party. The child was 3 years old.

fizzyrubbish · 17/05/2016 18:15

I left 4 year old at parties at a village hall after checking with parents it was alright, did they mind if I left. (Was pregnant and vomiting a lot).

Would I leave them alone at a public soft play party? Depends on the child. Some of mine would have been fine & dived into the action, joined in with friends others aren't quite so gregarious and could get themselves in a pickle.

My mantra with all these things is trust the parent's own judgement. In the vast majority of cases they really do know best.

fizzyrubbish · 17/05/2016 18:19

Though Squirrelchaser's situation is taking the mick. I did leave a 5 year old at a public soft play party, but not without checking with parents if they minded keeping an eye. I wouldn't ever just dump & run without checking.