Reception Child alone at Party

[PricklyLegs]

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

My SIL is currently bleating on about how her 4 year old had marks on her face from an "incident" with a classmate at a party last weekend. Classmate is 5, both in reception.
She is pissed off that the party host didn't fully appraise her on the situation when she picked up her DD and is also ranting that the parents of the gouger didn't apologise to her.
She could have course stayed but wanted to go shopping in town.
I think this is the risk you take, that effectively the parent hosting the party cannot assume responsibility for your kids 100%.
I think that until the kids are a bit older you should be prepared to stay unless the party host guides you otherwise.
You are helping and guiding your child to function in high octane social situations - and shouldn't take the piss and see it as free childcare!
And if you can't make small talk or socialise with other parents for an hour or two then take a long hard look at yourself and grow up!

Yes- probably everyone speaking from their own experience.
I don't know you or your parties fresh - and I've been to parties where the doors ( doors, plural yes) have been left open . They lead to the main road ( busy road) and no one was there to see that the kids were contained in any way.
So trust someone you've never met with 20 + four year olds in a place with entrance and exits everywhere and open to the general public?
Or do you mean in someone's home with a mum ? Or an organised play area with staff who know what they're doing?
It's all so dependent on circumstance .

Squirrelchaser, did you ever say anything to the parents? I would have been livid. That is taking the mick!

You are helping and guiding your child to function in high octane social situations - and shouldn't take the piss and see it as free childcare!
It's the total opposite in my case when I drop and run. I usually find myself struggling to entertain myself and the other sibling in the area surrounding the party - they're too short to go home and back again, too long to sit in the car! It is most certainly not "free time" when I drop and run

And if you can't make small talk or socialise with other parents for an hour or two then take a long hard look at yourself and grow up
Do you tell depressed people to "cheer up"? some people really struggle with groups situations like that. I don't, I love a natter, but it's not the done thing to stay if you have other children with you.

Never would leave a 4 yr old with that many other kids around. Yes I know generally it's quite secure in a soft play but seriously would you really take the chance instead of just sitting around

My DD is in reception and I wouldn't leave her alone at a party. She is quite a clingy child in some ways but even if she was more outgoing I wouldn't feel comfortable. However, a number of her friends have been dropped off at parties etc and have seemed fine.
I was a bit taken aback at her birthday party though that parents did it without even asking. TBH I think the party holding parents are the last people who can supervise unattended children as they are usually pretty busy with food etc etc.
I really don't think there's a right or wrong answer here, it depends entirely in the child (and the parent). I just feel that 4/5 is v young to be left alone but that's my opinion and there's nothing wrong with others having a different view

The mum was one of those who only hear what they want to hear. I did speak to her and she said she must have misunderstood me. Yeah right. She tried it the following year, but I caught her and said that her dd could not stay as we'd had to limit numbers and, if we could accommodate more, they would have been ds' friends not random siblings.

Ok public place, 20 bday kids, 50+ paid for by parents kids, parents from both groups, but more from larger group, soft play, ---what 's not to worry about?

Well done you SquirrelChaser.

I went to bowling party a couple of years ago where the parents said that you could leave your DS. I stayed for a bit whilst they settled in etc and ended up staying and helping out as the kids were just running around and trying to get out of the doors into a car park. There were arcade games (very attractive to youngsters) and a bar at this venue with lots of public there (mostly young ish blokes). I am glad i stayed but just goes to show that the parents thought they could cope but completely underestimated how unruly a group of six year olds can be. It certainly made me think. So at Home and if the organiser says it's ok then yes but in a public venue with only three or four adults thrn no based in the above experience.

How times have changed, I was certainly left at parties by age 4, was (admittedly dumped and very unhappy) at boarding school at age 6, and was expected to find my own way alone from London to County Wexford in Ireland via Fishguard and Rosslaire at the age of 10, where I learned to drive a car. I drove (safely) solo from Sussex to central London at age 14, was working in television and had a wonderful longterm partner by age 15 and was happly married by age 19. Other than early boarding school I had a terrific time. The only thing I join you in seriously disapproving of was that the drive to London which, of course, was not insured and to my mind that was unforgivable.

Times have changed of course, but not necessarily for the better. I'm very glad that my DPs gave me such freedom.

I think this depends - closed off space (village hall or similar) where can easily see all children ok providing have asked and there are enough adults. Open softplay not ok. I just had a party with older children where it was held somewhere where there were a lot of people around. It was hugely stressful ensuring no one got lost/wandered off etc

screenshotting
If the party host has guided you to drop and run because you are juggling care for siblings then it's fine - but you should check.
And yes, I do think if you can't discreetly stand in the background with a coffee or make small talk you need t get a grip or refuse the invitation.
I don't think the default position should be "drop and run because I don't like socialising/spending my weekends at kids parties/if got stuff to do"

Happened to us at our sins 3rd birthday party. We had friends and family along with 6 school friends from early entitlement at school. Hadn't spoken to any parent about staying as had assumed with 3 year olds they would stay. One mother turned up and asked when she should collect her son. I should say the party was end of sept so literally only known the child and mother at school since 4th of sept. Everybody thought it was weird and put extra pressure on me having to look after him. She has done the same at every party since.

Dropping them off is perfectly normal. If you invite children to a party you are taking responsibility for looking after them, unless you specify otherwise. Presumably the parents hosting the party were watching them and had the situation in hand. There is nothing wrong with staying if your child is nervous about being left, but you do not have to stay if your child is happy without you. It's too much of a burden on parents to expect them to sit through someone else's kid's birthday party. And it's troublesome for the hosts to have to make conversation with lurking parents when they are trying to run a party.

She probably isn't their first child and the Mum was grabbing a two hour slot to get on with the others/list of a million things she has to do! Sure she would have asked if it was ok to drop and go.

Each to their own but I wouldn't. I've seem some questionable behaviour at soft play by both adults and children alike and would prefer to be on hand just incase. At that age I think my son would still want the reassurance of knowing I was there. I don't consider this to be overprotective just responsible.

I think, as do my friends, that parents should stay with their child at these types of parties. A house party is different. If you are hosting it is too much to be expected to be responsible for other children , especially if you have more than one child yourself. At that age they want their own mum if they get upset if someone pushes them or they fall .

4roseycheeks, did you grow up in the forties?

If the party host has guided you to drop and run because you are juggling care for siblings then it's fine - but you should check.

I do check, or rather I check if I can stay, and the answer is usually no, please drop n run.

Generally the texts go:
Dd is delighted to be invited, unfortunately I have noone to watch other DD, would it be okay if I brought her? I'ld of course pay her entrance and bring seperate food for her"
The reply is invariably: "Its fine to just drop off invited DD and go"
(whether I'm entirely comfortable with dropping and running or not)

(bringing a sibling trumps all other party faux pas)

We have just had a party for DD1's 5th birthday.

We invited 16 needing 12 for the minimium number. All RSVPd yes.

I had a little panic that the would all dump and run. Most stayed. We bought everyone a drink then cut and fed the adults the birthday cake, as its about the only food acceptable to take into soft play and I wasn't buying 10 slices of cake!

I always leave at house parties and about 50/50 at soft play depending on the host.

Yeah, I wouldn't leave a child that young but some do and they're always fine in my experience..always think though that if you leave them and then something happens...

I think it's unwise...

I took my DS age 5 to a bowling party and there was a child from his class who was left and picked up at the end. I observed him sneak off and leave the party and was down the escalators before I caught him! The escalators lead to town centre and busy road just outside. Other parents too busy to watch someone else's child in a public environment. Different perhaps if private party where no public are.

OP you're right to be a little concerned about such a young child. I don't care what anybody says about you being alarmist, you are correct. Terrible to leave such a young child especially as the part girls' mother hadn't been informed prior. The mother just wanted a few hours to herself. Shocking.

Totally reasonable screenshotting
You are giving the parents some say in what their preference is and what they can manage BUT my points are directed at the people who just fancy a couple of hours off/don't like hanging around and basically dress up thoughtless behaviour as "I'm a cool parent not a helicopter type!"
I've had a couple of parents ask the same of me and I've always said the sibling is welcome to join in but then my last two have been at home and in the village hall and not on a "pay per guest" party.
When a parent has had to drop and run for other reasons (picking up other kids from a class for instance) I have assumed responsibility for the child but can only do that for a couple as well as my own and run the party!
Near where I live a few have been held at Jump and there is no way you could watch 20 kids if all reception parents dropped and ran! Let alone deal with "I need the loo" from 4/5 year olds.
At Jump you would have to escort them as the toilets are outside of the main area - near reception.
Like I say, doesn't work very well!