Reception Child alone at Party

[PricklyLegs]

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

Doesn't need to be clear on the invite here as everyone assumes they would be with their child!

I certainly wouldn't leave my child with strangers in an unfamiliar room at that age and still a little surprised others would.

I don't think it's just about hosts being responsible (although I agree that if I host a party then I ensure I have enough adults to help). The parents who are dropping and running have to behave responsibly too. To refer back to the last party we attended- the host mum didn't know all the children. How can you expect her to be responsible for children she has never seen in a soft play full of children?

You should only invite the number of children you are able to be responsible for unless stated otherwise eg my children were invited to a couple of swimming parties where the invitation stated a child must stay I usually stayed as distance meant that wasn't worth going back home but families with more than one child could find it impossible to stay at a soft play type party.

I agree BalletGirlMum. I've never done a whole class party as I can't rope in enough adults to look after 30 kids and my child isn't friends with all 30 anyway.
I'm shocked at the number of people saying that party host shouldn't be expected to look after kids because I see it as an important part of hosting a party.
In my circle, the only parent who stayed after Reception have a diabetic child so totally understandable.

It's not after reception though is it.. It is reception!

Just worried me a little as I didn't see anyone talking to the little girl to check on her when they were eating etc and all the other kids' parents were there.

If you were that worried maybe you could've helped her?

I can understand people doing things differently, and that's all fine. But I really hate all the veiled comments suggesting that parents who drop and run are irresponsible or don't care about their children. Where I live, drop and run is the norm. As is drop and run at school, from the very start (seeing as how parents aren't actually allowed to accompany the kids into the school). I have never ever heard of a child being injured or abducted or anything at a P1 birthday party because their parent wasn't there, so it doesn't seem like a risk in any way to leave them.

If I upped sticks tomorrow and moved to another part of the UK, I wouldn't have a clue that it's not the done thing elsewhere. Well, I would now obviously, but I wouldn't have until yesterday when I read this thread. So unless it specifically said on the invitation that parents must stay, I would merrily drop and run thinking that was how these things work.

I think that yeah, you don't care as much about your child's wellbeing at 4 years old if you just drop and run without even checking how may kids will be there and assuming that another adult will be able to supervise and protect your child. It is a bit slack. Particularly if you've dropped them at a public place like a park. Maybe less so inside somewhere like soft play.

If you've got a sense before hand that the host is going to be able to supervise, or there are enough adults to kids, or you've turned up and the host says it'll be fine then that is OK. But just turning around without even leaving your number or sussing out anything is totally irresponsible at aged 4.

I am so glad my kids are past all this.

Another vote for hysterical nonsense - if it's a party then the hosting parent is responsible for the invited children for the duration (unless the invite specifically stated that parental help was required at the party) - otherwise it''s just a visit to soft play that someone else has paid for, with pizza or whatever thrown in - no? If the hosting parent felt they couldn't supervise the invited children themselves (or with the help of other recruited adults) then they should re-think the party.

The little girls Mum was absolutely right to expect to drop her. It's a party FGS.

This is so weird. When I was a kid no parent stayed with their DC at birthday parties. I'm only 26 so that wasn't a very long time ago. Is this a thing now?!

Bananas so you think that vast swathes of the UK care less about their children than you do? Why would I check how many other children are there etc? It's none of my business how many people the parents invite or who they have supervising. If they ask me to stay I'd be happy to do so, but I'm not a mind reader, and the assumption where I'm from is that the host supervises. It would be considered pretty irresponsible and slack of them not to.

You're right. She should not have been left. To me, that's the same as leaving her in a park, unattended. Place is full of strangers - not all parents are decent - and yes anything could have happened. She could have been followed into the loo, those play frames are big and once your child is on them it can be a while before you see them again. Totally agree with original post. Too much independence for a 4 year old. My daughter is 4 and there is no way on Earth I would leave her.

Here in France it's normal for children to be left at parties and playdates, including soft play, from 3yrs. But I've noticed that very few (none) of the parties that DS went to were whole class parties - the max was usually 8-10 children. The parents of the birthday boy / girl acted as hosts, and kept an eye on all the children. I've stayed once or twice when the venue has been some distance away, but the parents definitely haven't encouraged or expected it.

What is all this nonsense about supervising children in soft play? It's just a notion isn't it?

Every soft play I've ever been to is massive and from about age 3-4 the kids just free roam in there and come out of the cage bit when they are hungry/thirsty/need the loo. I would find it utterly impossible to "supervise" my 2 DC in a soft play. While some parents do go in there, it's actually pretty rare and most parents sit around the edge dying slowly inside drinking coffee and pissing about on their phones.

If you can't take your "party guests" to the toilet and ensure that they have food/drink etc then you really shouldn't be hosting a party.

Anyhoo this really isn't a big deal at all round here (London). Some parents stay, some don't, those that do will happily take another child to the loo.

You're right. She should not have been left. To me, that's the same as leaving her in a park, unattended. Place is full of strangers - not all parents are decent - and yes anything could have happened. She could have been followed into the loo, those play frames are big and once your child is on them it can be a while before you see them again. Totally agree with original post. Too much independence for a 4 year old. My daughter is 4 and there is no way on Earth I would leave her

Hysterical much?? What happens if you have twins? They run separate ways in soft play? How do you keep an eye constantly on both? One person can keep an eye on more than one child! How are you intending to teach independence?

It's the assumption at aged 4 which is irresponsible. The parent who left their 4 year old (well 3 years as my son was older) left them without even saying hello to me, leaving their number, in a busy, open public park. The kid was a bit wild too!

Lots of parents like me have no idea what is 'normal' is and in that instance there were loads of kids. There were no formal invitations with 'soft play, 4-5pm etc' I just asked parents to come to a birthday picnic and to bring food.

If you know that it is expected that the host will supervise, and I'd lived in France say, I'd have organised a very different party and roped in a couple of parents to help first, and had less kids. Totally fair enough. I'd still expect a parent aged four to at least leave their number and just do a 'Is it OK to leave them? Great, thanks, bye'.

I still don't get how people think if all the parties you've attended in your reception class, the Parents stayed(my friends have children in other schools in the local area backs the Parents stay as well), how are you supposed to know this unwritten rule that you as the host are responsible for all the children at the party. It's safe to assume that people develop their idea of social etiquette from experience.

But equally Lilly if you have only ever experienced parties where the parents didn't stay, how are you meant to know the unwritten rule that you are expected to stay? I wouldn't have, until this thread.

I think it varies depending on circumstances and the individuals involved. My personal rule of thumb is that if a child is old enough to be left in other environments without a parent/primary care-giver present or a one-to-,five adult-child ratio, they are probably old enough to be left alone at a party. However, you have to factor in your own child's needs/abilities, the venue, the number of other adults present, how well you know/trust the hosting parent, and the 'norm' in your area.

I'd have happily left mine at a younger age than I actually started doing so - because it wouldn't have been acceptable in my area. The same way I think they are perfectly capable of walking to school alone now, but I won't let them because some well-meaning person would undoubtedly call social services if I did! Similarly, if I host a party, I ensure I have organised enough adults to cope with the number of children attending, but below the age of 7 I would never dream of assuming that another host would have done the same and would always have checked if it was ok to drop and run.

Surely the mum didn't literally dump and run her child though? She presumably went up to birthday child's mum and said hello, birthday child snatched present, and mum said something along the lines of "OK if I go, you have my number don't you?" .

If she pulled up outside the soft play and let the child out, I'd agree you had a point.

Yeah I just think that under 6 or 7, you would check quickly with the parent first before running?

I don't know about the OP, but the kids mum at my sons birthday party did a runner without even a number! If all the parents had done that I'd have had 15 3/4 year olds in a public park on my own without any entertainment, just a bit of food!

I think its normal. Unless the invite stated parents are to stay I don't see the issue. If your hosting a party for your child your responsible for the children.