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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drunk DP sleeping in the bed

209 replies

Janefromdowntheroad · 15/05/2016 08:31

Do you ask your DP to stay downstairs when he comes in drunk? Do you sleep downstairs?

Every bloody time DP comes in he tries to come upstairs even after I asked told him not too.

I hate the smell of stale alcohol on the sheets, DD is still co-sleeping at 13 months (we do have a super king and she's on my side so not really an issue)

He comes in last night at 1am and I can hear him creeping upstairs. Stumbles over the doorstep and starts getting unchanged. I told him to go downstairs. He starts moaning its cold down there and he's going straight to sleep. DD wakes up Angry. I manage to fall back asleep and then he's moving around in the bed because he can't get comfortable. I told him to fuck off downstairs. He starts telling me about his night because he's pissed and isn't listening. I told him to shut up and go to sleep. Twenty minutes later I wake up to him throwing up out of the window Angry. Woke up properly this time and told him to go back downstairs and that he isn't sleeping up there with us if he's that pissed that he's being sick. He ends up ranting about 'not being able to sleep in his own his in his own house', 'work all week and can't even sleep in his own bed'. Basically just being a twat because he's drunk.

This happens every bloody time he goes out. I don't think its unreasonable to expect him to stay downstairs when he's pissed.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 15/05/2016 12:52

What's with all these drunk men!
I can't see the fun in getting so drunk you are sick out of a window and feeling like vrP the next day
He has a family now grow up

Mrskeats · 15/05/2016 12:52

Crap Obvs

YoMommasMomma · 15/05/2016 12:58

If my DP was so drunk he had to be sick out of our bedroom windows I would be having a serious discusion with him about alcoholism. Since when is it acceptable for grown men with wives and children to get so drunk they are being ill?? Its pathetic and I can't understand how it's acceptable to anyone.

WriteforFun1 · 15/05/2016 13:13

Yo "Its pathetic and I can't understand how it's acceptable to anyone."

I think the responses on this thread may divide into that. As I said upthread, I can't even tolerate my friends like this - I leave if they are reaching that stage. I also don't do company dos any more because of the level of drunkenness that's actively encouraged.

one poster has said it's not unsafe for the baby - even if it isn't, I just can't think of any reason anyone should ever have to share a bed with someone who is that drunk. I would think nothing of shoving him outside to sleep in the garden tbh and I'd say the same if a man did that to a woman.

I just don't get how being this hammered is meant to be a source of entertainment or something for the OP, especially given that she's got a baby to look after, and for the duration of the drunkenness and hangover she's got no help.

One of my mates is having the opposite issue - her husband wants her to calm down because she comes home this drunk about once a week and he doesn't want their child to see it. She thinks their child will end up doing it too so what's the problem. So I wonder how much of this is about attitudes to drunkenness.

Original poster
Janefromdowntheroad · 15/05/2016 13:43

There's no way DP could roll over on the baby.

She sleeps between me and the bed guard. Huge super King bed so DP doesn't even sleep near me! He'd have to roll over me first before he got to the baby.

He still stinks though! He's up making bacon sandwiches now so rant over Wink

OP posts:
Flumpnugget · 15/05/2016 13:43

Oncetherewasthisgirlwho

You shouldn't have to do this - why doesn't he do it himself? Plus, do you get equal amounts of "time off" from parenting? An evening/very late night out, DH making up a bed for you and getting on with childcare and housework whilst you have a lie in the next day?

Rest assured he reciprocates this effort- and I do get a balanced amount of "time off". He does indeed get on with all childcare, household duties and etc whilst I do what I need / want. There's no divide in our household about that side of things. I do it (get him a bed already etc) I suppose, to be kind and thoughtful; not to appease him; he knows and appreciates this.

Gowgirl · 15/05/2016 14:00

Janedowntheroad - i hope you've told him about the stir he's caused in mN world! It's entirely his fault I haven't cleaned the living room and cooked Sunday dinner.

Haroldplaystheharmonica · 15/05/2016 14:12

I swear some people on here think they can never do any wrong.

Ok, being sick is grim but it's a one off. There's no way I'd be heading to the sofa up I got in at 1am, neither would by OH if the roles were reversed. And as for being sworn at, the OP is the one that sounds like quite a catch to me Hmm

Sallystyle · 15/05/2016 14:20

As I said upthread, I can't even tolerate my friends like this - I leave if they are reaching that stage. I also don't do company dos any more because of the level of drunkenness that's actively encouraged.

I'm with you. I hate seeing really drunk people, I find them embarrassing, not at all funny and I don't want to be around them.

DH doesn't go out and get streaming drunk as a rule, but he did once at a family party and I couldn't be around him. He's a soppy drunk person but it just makes me cringe. Totally my issue I'm sure, but it's good to meet someone else like me Grin

I have never understood adults getting so drunk they end up throwing up. I don't understand how that is in any way fun.. Tipsy? Yes. But so drunk you throw up and feel like shit the next day?

WorraLiberty · 15/05/2016 14:21

He does this every four months, so roughly 3 times a year?

YANBU to get pissed off at him being sick out of the window

But YABVU to tell him to shut up, fuck off and to sleep downstairs.

It makes you sound like a drama queen tbh.

heyhulahoop · 15/05/2016 14:36

But if I knew I was a snorey loud pukey drunk I just wouldn't want to disturb my partner and baby with it, it's 4 times a year so I'd suck it up and sleep on the sofa, isn't that the non-selfish thing to do?

Makesomethingupyouprick · 15/05/2016 14:36

Awaits coconutpie post.

heyhulahoop · 15/05/2016 14:37

I love a drink but if you're sober there is nothing worse than trying to sleep next to a drunk snorer, it's SO loud and they are often dead to the world.

Gabilan · 15/05/2016 14:38

In my 20s I quite frequently drank too much too often. I had a good idea of when to stop and I could drink more than was good for me without being sick.

Now in my 40s I'm much more abstemious. However, this means I'm less aware of my limits. Usually I happily drink real ale but if I'm persuaded to start on prosecco I can get very drunk very quickly. And on occasion this has made me embarrassingly ill so I'm not going to judge anyone for that. I will judge the op's DP for trying to sleep in the same bed whilst that drunk. I'd be embarrassed and would stay on the sofa.

Gowgirl · 15/05/2016 14:51

Writeforfun dh was reading over my shoulder earlier and he said it came down to people's beliefs about alcohol!
Disclaimer he often reads over my shoulder, and yet won't get his own accountGrin

Original poster
Janefromdowntheroad · 15/05/2016 14:55

I've told him about the thread. He's walking around pretending to be wounded because I told him to fuck off last night Wink

Drinking to vomit level is very unusual for DP. Think I remember it happening once before. Apparently it wasn't the alcohol anyway, it was the pint of water and paracetamol he downed before coming to bed. Not the alcohol at all.....

OP posts:
Gowgirl · 15/05/2016 15:03

Tell him to get it right - it was the dodgy Kabab/curry! It's a classic for a reason!

Original poster
Janefromdowntheroad · 15/05/2016 15:11

He didn't even eat his kebab, it was on the kitchen side in its box still Shock

OP posts:
Gowgirl · 15/05/2016 15:15

Disgusting waste! Drink all the booze in the house, microwave and devour!
You have to be pissed to think kebab is a good idea.....

Gowgirl · 15/05/2016 15:15

Has he cleaned up the vomit yet?

Original poster
Janefromdowntheroad · 15/05/2016 15:18

Nothing to clear up, was just liquid over the rose bushes

Can't chuck a bucket of bleach down as it will kill them

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 15/05/2016 15:21

I've only read the first page and definitely think I live in a different reality.

My husband goes to the spare room/sofa whenever he goes out, it wouldn't even occur to him to come to our bedroom as he knows he would wake me up.

I would absolutely be telling him to fuck off if he ever came home and did what your DP did OP - no qualms!!

Who on earth would actually think that the pissed up DP should be the one who gets the bed and that the mom and baby should sleep on the sofa??!?

Madness!

Gowgirl · 15/05/2016 15:21

Probally a good job he didn't eat the kebab thenGrin

Gabilan · 15/05/2016 15:36

I don't take paracetemol when drunk. I figure my liver has enough to do processing the alcohol. But I'm not medically trained so that may be bollocks.

whatdoIget · 15/05/2016 16:00

I don't know why the dh's right to sleep in his own bed trumps the op's right to not be woken up throughout the night? The Dh has chosen to go out and get really really drunk. He's also woken his child up.
I love getting pissed as much as the next person but he does sound very inconsiderate. It's hard to blame the op for telling him to fuck of off as its not the first time he's done this.
I am single though so have the luxury of being spectacularly intolerant of this kind of stuff Smile Wink